Why Do We Become More Emotional As We Get Older?
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I have noticed that as I have got older, (now 38), I cry so much more easily than I did when younger. I wonder why this is, as in my teenage years, not to mention my twenties, I could watch the most depressing programmes and although I cared, I was rarely inclined to break down in tears.
As a child I would watch the Lassie films, and yes, I did cry to those, (especially "Lassie Come Home"), but apart from that, and the normal things children cry over, such as falling over and cutting open their knees, or getting in trouble with my Mum, I seldom cried at all. It was only when I hit my thirties I suddenly seemed to undergo some kind of metamorphosis, and now I can easily end up in floods of tears over a sad movie, or a murder case on Forensic Detectives. Does this mean I am losing the plot, or is this normal?
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Thesedays I can cry over the silliest things, such as watching an episode of "The Secret Millionaire", (where a millionaire goes under cover in an underprivileged area, finds good causes, volunteers to help free of charge, and at the end of a week or so, donates large sums of money to the causes he or she felt the most deserving of his or her help).
I break down in tears over people dying in Soaps for Christ's sake, yet this is not logical when I know it is only an actor, who undergoes a rapid recovery as soon as the cameras are switched off.
Even watching programmes such as "Extreme Makeover Home Edition", can leave me in a right state, as I feel so touched by the people who put in the money, time and effort to build these people a new home that is far nicer than any home most of us could hope for.
Does this mean something is wrong with me? If so, what? I mean, this never used to happen to me, but now I seem to have suddenly become a changed person, and I don't even mind the fact I cry so easily, as to me it shows I have compassion and care about others, (not to say I didn't before, but now it makes me break down in tears in a way I never felt the need to before).
Hell, I even cry over seeing a mistreated, starved dog being brought back to health and re-homed in programmes like "Animal Cops Houston" on Sky!
I have ended up in tears over the end of such series as "The West Wing", although this could be explained by the fact my late Husband loved watching it too, and never got to see the end of the series, so I felt as if something really important had come to an end when it did!
I can cry over "The X Factor", when I hear of a story of someone who has suffered such great hardship in their lives, and is also a fantastic singer, and now is their chance to make something of themselves. When they get through I feel their emotion as if it were my own, and so want them to do well in the following rounds.
If someone shows me a kindness, or empathises with a situation I am in, I end up tearful. If I see someone else lose a loved one I cry. If I even contemplate the ultimate death of my currently living relatives, I break down and cry.
So is it something about getting older, and if so, what, hormones? I really don't know the answer, but I think I like myself better for being this way as it proves to me I do have feelings that matter and I care for everyone and everything.
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Yes, I can still function, but I feel pain in a way I never did before, not sure why, I guess we are all different. :)
Hi Misty,
Perhaps you've reached a point in your life where your mind isn't cluttered with things you experienced in your teens and twenties. Just a guess. I wouldn't be concerned with it personally, as it just reveals a loving compassionate nature. The times and reasons we cry are many. I am so much like you. I watch a lot of the same shows you do, and cry every time. A big contributor to my crying is music. Give me a song that is filled with love, or love gone wrong and I'm crying a river. Sometimes it can be as innocent as a thought or memory that will trigger my tears. One of the things I love to do is pick out cards for my family and friends. The one I ultimately pick will be heartfelt and could be interpreted as gut-wrenching. My daughter and I have kind of a rating factor when it comes to cards. If the tears start before you finish reading, it's a hit. Silly I know.
Anyway, I do feel that hormones are sometimes a factor. I think age has nothing to do with it. Just be thankful that you aren't made of stone, with a heart as cold as ice :)
Interesting hub!
Probably because you get more sentimental as you grow older. When you're young, you're so much in the 'now' and let's face it - rather self centred because of that - not always selfish but self centred. As you grow older, while you are practical when it comes to everyday chores, memories and feelings evoke sentimental reactions - and each person reacts depending to how sensitive he or she is!
We're all at the age when we do get sentimental over a song, a movie, a fragrance or poem. Maybe we should cherish the fact that we can feel so deeply :)
Maybe you like a lot of us that are growing older, just getting a wee bit soft and soppy. A lot of us phsychotheropists, call it maturing, or mellowing out and finding your true self.
Misty, I'll pass thanks I got too emotional!
Trish, thanks for commenting, nice answer, and I love the fact you can cry over a card, as I haven't quite achieved that one yet :)
Shalini, I think you are right, it is good that we can feel so deeply. Thanks for posting .
Rodney, I like the sound of it simply being "mellowing out and finding your true self". Thanks for the post.
agvulpes, please don't cry, would you like a hanky, sniff!
Sniff Sniff Thanks Luv.
Hi Misty, I was smiling as I read your hub. I guess when we start allowing ourselves to feel and not let the mind get in the way of feeling, the emotions just come rolling in. LOL You are right, it's wonderful to feel. I know because I am like you too :)
Thanks ripplemaker, it is so nice to know it isn't just me who feels this way :)
Misty...it's definitely something to do with growing older. I find myself getting weepy at the oddest things these days when I might not have flinched at the same even ten years ago. Mid-life blues making themselves felt perhaps? :)
I agree totally, I found myself getting emotional after watching '911' last night but one, simply becasue of the amazing stories of operators talking the caller through the emergency in question.
thanks
thank
Wow this started happening to me too. Now 31. I am or was an athlete taught not to complain about bruses etc...and quite frankly not to hurt at all. I am 6'0 245lb dude that only cried at two movies when I was younger...Bambie, when the mother was shot, and Transformers (80's), when Optimus Prime was killed. But now I just think of crap and start tearing up. I complained to close friends about it, a very select few. Im tearing at nearly every movie where there is a sad part, where as before I either didnt care or laughed at the misery. WTF is going on.
I dont know if its related but during this time I have lost interest in weight lifting. When I try to go it ends up being around 3 times a month if at all. My muscle mass has noticably changed at least in my eyes although other claim different. I am at a loss.
Hi Bryan, I can't answer exactly what causes it, although I know I suffer from this too. I can only guess it may partly be down to hormonal changes we experience as we mature. It can also be caused by excesses of substances such as alcohol, but in general it seems fairly normal for this to happen to people when they get past their 20's and sometimes their 30's.
It is a little frustrating as it can be embarrassing in public, yet at the same time it is nice to feel that you have the ability to care so deeply now!
Lol...it is annoying, very annoying. Its as if I were losing control of my bladder and urinating all the time, just this time its through my tear ducts.
I dont drink or smoke.
I mean literally start watering up over what I'd consider "nothing." Now my eyes water, my throat tightens up, agggghhh....Is there a doctor in the house.
Yep, totally get it, I have exactly the same problems and dread anyone speaking to me in case I can't answer because I am too choked up. Hubby thinks it is sweet, but I still find it embarrassing even in front of him.
I recently watched something on our local pub's TV on the whole 911 incident, and ended up with tears rolling down my cheeks in a pub full of people. Even the Landlord came up and patted me on the back to comfort me!
Thanks so much for your hub, misty. I, personally, think it's part of "growing up". Blinders off; experiences, ability to go beyond our natural self-centeredness when younger. It's all good. :)
Thanks Gmorninsun you make very good points and I reckon it probably is a good thing all in all :)
I've found the same thing -- but only as far as TV is concerned. The same type of shows you mention here. Of course, when I was younger, there wasn't much of that sort of thing on TV, so perhaps it has something to do with that, rather than me getting older and less self-centred or whatever ... Here in Germany, T-Mobile advertise using Paul Pott's TV debut on 'Britain's Got Talent' with his rendition of Nessun Dorma. Every time (about once every half an hour on some channels), my throat tightens and tears seep from my eyes. It's terrible when there's somebody about ...
Must say, this Hub had me smiling.
And good to know that it's a normal occurrence.
All the best, Camlo
Thanks for the great comment Camlo, I am very pleased it made you smile as well :)
WOW! Just wow! It started happening to me about 2 years ago probably. I am now 30. It doesn't even have to be something sad. It can be something that I think is really cool. Like the other day I was watching "Angel" with my 7 year old and got choked up during a fight seen where I was explaining what was going to happen since I had seen it before. It doesn't matter if it's sad, happy, gross, etc. All I know is it happens all the time to me. If I were to guess at a number I would say 15 - 30 times a day I get choked up and almost cry. WHY????
Hi BJ, yes, you are so right, it can be happy or amazing stuff as well as sad, and even programs that are fiction can cause this, (BTW, I love Angel too).
It does get easier to manage I promise, but it might take a year or two, and I don't know how far you are into that period of time.
No idea why this happens apart from hormones I guess.
Thanks for the comment and good feedback :)
I really hope that this hub is not something so much true :) Why I say this is because I just passed 20, and I am soooo emotional, that people around me does not know what to do. Sometimes is funny, but sometimes is even for me "GOD HELP ME!". I can cry watching movie, cartoon.. Once I felt tears in my eyes when I was waiting for flight that was 3 hours late, and when finally we got to plane, stewardess started apologizing and so on (she must apologizing so nice hahaha)... I was just thinking "What is wrong with you?" So, I really hope that by years I will become LESS EMOTIONAL, or I feel sorry for people around me :)
Sorry abchs_princess, but I doubt it will get less as the years go on unless you are very unusual. On a positive note with your past experience you might find it easier to cope with than most.
I really relate to this and I hopefully googled to see if this action of mine was "queer" so to say. I'm not further down the age yard (excuse my choice of phrase) and I'm a guy so it always comes as a surprise and I retaliate with anger when I get emotional say after watching a program that ends up with someone's happiness or fulfillment. I'm glad you took to writing out your experience and I've learned from it.
Thank you for sharing Tunde, I am glad you found this hub beneficial too.
have you ever taken a walk and listen to the birds singing their symphony, have you taken the time to smell a clean breeze as it blows by, when you get up in the morning and you look in the mirror, do you see your reflection or the person in front of you. give someone a smile today you have plenty.
Lovely words Robin, thanks for posting them here.
yeah very much true I totally agree tat one becomes emotional as they grow old. The reasons are lot like ....getting old,fat accumulation in body,cannot easily accept physical changes,lots of responsibilities, getting departed from parents,brothers and sisters,off course even from close friends,love depression,infidelity,job stress,insecure,brining up children,incompatible with life partner or life style,unhappy with things,difficulties in handling relationships, there are too many factors which lead us emotional in life as we grow up....isn't it :)))).
Thanks Salma, but what I find odd is that even when you have none of those issues going on, you still seem to become more inclined to get emotional and tearful over such things as a touching story on the news. We also seem to cry more at happy things too, not just sad things.
I would strongly suggest that you stop watching television and stop listening to music. When we allow things to manipulate our emotions we are giving up control of our minds. Experiencing certain emotions like fear and anger can also damage our health. So, in a sense, by allowing tv to invoke our emotions, we are committing slow suicide. The media is a master at manipulating people emotionally. Hype sells. Don't buy it. Our emotions also attract like events into our lives, so it would be wise to have some command over what energy we are resonating. Most emotions are based on illusions. As Guy Finley says, "Our feelings are real, but the reasons for them are not." I would like to be more 'positive', but sometimes we just need to face the truth.
In truth, in spirit, in liberty
Interesting feedback illeagle, but surely cocooning ourselves away from the world by not watching TV or listening to music etc is really not the answer. It would be like a self-imposed jail sentence including solitary confinement. It isn't just TV and music that can open up these emotions either, it can be something as simple as a person telling you a a part of their life story that is particularly sad! Are we not supposed to talk to people either? It sounds like a lifestyle tantamount to living on a high dose of Prozac or Valium, no emotions, just existence based on it being as long as can be achieved. A little bit like being a member of the "Borg" in Star Trek.
I am 54 and have an awesome 3 1/2 yr old grandson. Seems I cry over thinking about losing him or anyone else in my family. He and they mean so much to me and even like now, he has a stuffy runny nose and I feel so sorry for him and had to go in the bedroom and cry. Plus as family members get older, I worry about losing them. I lost a brother 5 yrs ago at 51. maybe that has something to do, but feel like I can't come out of this. On depression and anxiety meds but still feel this way. Any suggestions? I am a christian to boot.
I wish I could help you Joyce, but I have not got the answer as I often feel much the same way as you do. Counselling might help you if you tried it, or you could search for a support group for people suffering from depression. The anti-depressants and anxiety meds might not be the right ones for you, and you should discuss with your Doctor trying alternatives as there are many such meds on the market. I get emotional virtually daily now, usually in the evenings and feel very low emotionally, but I battle on through it in the hope I will have a good day the next day.
Good Luck
Thanks Mistyhorizon2003. It just helps to hear I'm not alone but I don't wished this upon others either. I will talk to my dr again. Been on a lot of different combos but I'm sure there is one that can help.
Joyce
Hi Joyce, I am sure you can improve how you feel with the right meds combo, but at the same time I would not expect you to become completely emotionally 'numb' so you will still cry and feel emotional at various times, it is just it will be more under control.
I think it's because when you're young, you haven't much to be sentimental about... because you're still young! Now that my kids are past the half way "growing up" point, things hit me a lot harder (boy that empty nest is gonna be a killer!)
When you're in your late thirties and up, you look back on a lot of things and you can see just how fast time flies. My kids are close in age, and when they all left toddlerhood, I had a few short years where they were "kids". Suddenly I had teenagers. My teens are delightful and very respectful and fun (and hilariously funny) so I have no complaints... but what I wouldn't do to go back and grab my toddlers and rock them to sleep once more, or skate and play Legos with my grade-school kids.
Also over time you develop empathy. It is cultivated in young adulthood (we hope) and by the time you realize you have it, here it comes full force. I used to be the most even-keeled person. But now my emotional-ness often catches me by surprise. It's not a bad thing unless it's a hormonal or chemical imbalance (even that can be helped). If it gets bad for people, a doctor visit is in order.
Mostly for me, it helps to do something about the thing I'm emotional about. Cruelty and neglect to animals really bothers me, so my kids and I (and hubby) rescue horses. Maybe when my kids move out and I'm missing them, I can become a foster parent and make a difference, who knows!
Even the cotton commercials that can make us cry is, I believe, due to our realization that we are only here on earth for just a minute. So we should make every minute count :)
Wow Vix, what a wonderful and heartfelt comment. You are clearly very insightful and a brilliant loving Mother. There isn't much more I can say other than stating that I think you are correct on so many levels as is made obvious in your words of wisdom. Thank you.
i've always been a bit of a softie anyway,and i as i got older i of course would tear up even easier and sooner/i love christmas movies so it looks like i'd better have the tissues by the tv all through this holiday season(sigh)
Hi Dennis, I guess all things considered it is better to be emotionally capable rather than emotionless, and if we do need our tissues at the ready whenever we watch a sad film, or even hear an inspiring story of extreme heroism or bravery, then it isn't such a bad thing. It is our ability to feel such things that makes us human. Thanks so much for commenting.
I cried when they killed Godzilla before he destroyed Tokyo. I think you're completely normal.
That is exactly the kind of thing I would cry over too J Sunhawk.
I am a 34 yr old male. I have had little to no emotion about much since I was little and have just recently noticed these changes. Exactly as you explain. I was thinking im losing it. Glad to see Im not losing it alone!
Salud!
Hi e, thanks for commenting and sharing your experience of this. No, clearly you are not 'losing it', and this is very normal, just a bit disconcerting when you aren't used to it. Of course a person suffering from certain conditions such as depression might be even more emotional still at this point in their lives, a sort of 'double whammy' effect, but sounds like you are perfectly normal.
I don't know what to make of all this... I get deeply sentimental and it hurts deeply when I think of my youths, my pareants brothers and sisters.. and many other things.
It all brings me in a depressing mode.
My question is, How can I life with it without have to feel so sad?
Thanks
Netfreak, there is no easy answer to how you can live with it. We all just have to, and keep on reminding ourselves of all the good times and the happy memories we still have. If it really began to depress you seriously enough to be a cause for concern, then I would suggest speaking to a Doctor about anti-depressants.
Misty you know now that you mention it........what is up with that!!
I can hardly make it through an episode of little house on the prairie without having to get up and run out to my garage and fire up a power tool to man up myself a bit.
I was never that way until the last few years....
I just found this hub and boy did it make me think....
Hi CMerritt, Golly, I haven't seen an episode of Little House on the Prairie for about 30 years. Based on your experience I think I will leave it another 30 lol.
Guess we will both just have to cope with that 'emotional overload' we have to endure at our age :)
I cant believe I found this site! I too am over emotional. But this started years ago in my mid 30s and is getting more intense. I cry if something is sad or happy or if I see something beautiful or someone doing something they are passionate about. I just had a great jag tonight watching a 2 legged dog on TV! But, the weird thing with me is there is a strange detachment. Meaning a good friend can tell me something is going on with them and I will be concerned, but if I see someone I do not know tell the same story on TV I bawl. Its very strange, but you all made me feel less of a mess, lol!
Don't worry Eric, I totally 'get it'. I 'well up' about loads of things on TV, but probably less so if it is a friend or family telling me the same kind of thing. No idea why this is, unless it is just easier to let emotions out when it is 'less personal'. I don't think we are alone by a long way, this is normal, but disconcerting when you don't realise just how many others are experiencing the same thing but don't talk about it.
BTW, the two legged dog would have had the same effect on me too :)
OMG this it happens to others too?
I'm 37 years old and male and I'm like as a kid what you described, hardly ever cried over anything. One of parents used to say things like "real men don't cry" and always told me I have "nerves of steel". Just for an example, I can remember being about 8 years old watching ET movie and everyone was crying except me and this one parent.
Then I turned 30 or so and I found myself wanting to cry over things I would never have thought I would. Things like on TV where people have missing loved ones or loved ones being killed or just generally sad situations.
Thing is, I want to cry, like I have that golf ball sized lump in my throat but I still cannot bring myself to actually produce tears probably because I'm still that little boy that's beibg told im not suppose to cry :(
It is so sad that boys are brought up to believe crying is not manly. Some of the most masculine men I know I have seen choked up or crying over various things, be it the loss of a pet, a sad film or whatever. To me this always came across as an admirable trait, not a sign of weakness. I really hope you find a way to let this pent up emotion out, and not feel like you shouldn't. Honestly, after all these years of not letting it out I reckon you will feel miles better once you do. Personally the thing that always gets me crying within a minute or so of watching, is any footage relating to the Twin Towers and 9/11. I am in bits when I watch those documentaries.
This definitely is related to life experience, in my opinion.
During my late teens/early twenties.. I was known for being cold.. a heart of nails I used to think to myself and I used to make fun of my mother for crying at silly things on TV!
But, after once finding true love, I would well up just looking into her eyes. Then there was a bad break-up and I was pretty distraught at the time. It is after this that I too now cry at most sad (and jubilant) events.. particularly TV.
I don't think it's a bad thing.. but I wish I had more control over it sometimes..
Thanks for posting your experiences disc0, You may well be right, and I think life experiences have a large part to play in this, even if only because in many cases we 'identify' with situations and recognise them as similar to things we went through. Perhaps experiencing pain for ousrselves is what helps to wake up our inner emotions!
I was a police officer for 35 years. There is very little that life has to dish out that I haven't experienced. While working I could handle it all with nary a tear ever. Since I've retired sad movies, happy movies move me to tears and I mean flowing tears I cannot control. It has also worsened since I split with my wife three years ago, I cried for months after that. Then a year after that I lost my oldest adult son who died from a heart attack while vacationing out of the country. Although I was able to handle all the necessary things I was unable to speak at internment and had to have a friend read a eulogy for me. I still cry myself to sleep at times. And the movies,and even commercials still move me to tears. I have a feeling it may have something to do with having to have yourself under control to get your job done (police work) so it's a sense of duty that gets you through. Now that I'm retired there's no duty, so the emotions try to catch up on what they were unable to do before????
You may well be right 'Retired Blue', plus it could be very possible you are suffering from depression based on the loss of your Son and the break up of your marriage. Maybe some anti-depressents could help, or even some counseling. No parent should outlive their children, and this is why it is one of the hardest losses. My Grandmother lost two of her Sons (my Uncle's) and we are sure that this is what caused her to give up and die. I think she died of a broken heart.
I am a Marine and have been pretty emotionless for all my life and find myself getting choked at the most simple things now. Is there something I can do to stop this? It pretty embarrassing and exhausting to continuously fight back tears and I'm so tired of not understanding why and what is happening to me. I'm 28 yrs old and stilll have 10 yrs left until I retire from the Corps. and any help would be greatly appreciative.
Hi David, I am not sure there is a solution, or even if showing our emotions should be considered as 'a problem'. You could be suffering from depression too of course, which would probably be helped by antidepressants if you see a doctor, or from counseling if you get referred to a counselor. I know you probably don't think it is ideal to get 'choked' up as a marine, but trust me when I say it is not a sign of weakness, and just shows you care and are sensitive. Most women find the fact a man can show his emotions incredibly attractive. It certainly doesn't make you less manly.
Not wanting to be argumentative, but showing feelings in the wrong place and around the wrong people can be huge problem for me. I will give counseling a swing, unless there is some other form of treatment you would advise. Thank you for the timely response!
Well I do hope the counseling can help David, it might make it easier for you to control these emotions if you can understand better why you are experiencing them now.
Good Luck
I am working on my masters' degree and I undergone training to assist people with age related illness or problems. I'm not saying you have a problem but as well all get older we enter into different phases of our life. Child birth, marriage, children growing up and moving out of the home, loss of a partner, loss of income; for many these factors cause a change in behavior and are referred to as stressors. In addition to these stressors; older people find they have more time on their hands feeling there is no great urge of importance that requires their full attention compared to their former working conditions. For many they enter in and out of periods of self-reflection, so what you’re experiencing is normal. Hope this helps
Thanks greyarcticwolf, for many people I would agree with you, and in some ways for myself, apart from a few key points, I never was able to have children, so never had to experience childbirth or the children growing up and leaving home. I did lose my first Husband when he was only 48, but am now happily married again (I am just 42 now). I have not been working for several years now, so loss of income has not really been relevant as I stay home and do gardening, writing etc whilst my Husband is the main 'breadwinner'.
I do agree though that many people would feel some (if not all) of these 'stressors' and they could be a contributing factor as to why they become more emotional as they get older. What I can't fully understand is why it makes them/us more emotional about things that we just see on the television, happy or sad stories, stuff we read in the newspaper etc, in other words things that do not directly relate to us, they just make us cry.
I know this is a very old blog post, but since it is exactly what happened to me I thought I would throw in my thoughts on it. I got very emotionally sensitive and became a quick crier in my thirties. I am in my forties now and I still I have to avoid sad movies and books. I thought maybe it was a hormonal change from having kids but I see you haven't had children and went through it all the same.
I also wonder if it is possible to desensitize? Like when someone is a afraid of dogs and they expose them to it so they get over it? I often wonder if I should devote a weekend to incredibly sad movies and just get over it already. I hate being the one sobbing in a theater with only mildly sad people staring at me, so I tend to avoid any sad movies these days.
It is weird though because otherwise I am not a highly sensitive person. I am pretty straight forward and most people would say I am sensible and level headed. But put a starving kitten on a commercial for the Human Society and I become a puddle of tears!
It is heartening to know I am not alone though. Thanks for the post!
Hi Hawaii, well I am not too convinced that 'desensitizing' would solve the problem personally as I am beginning to think this is actually normal, and the only variation is likely to be caused by the different levels of hormones each of us have after a 'certain' age, (the age may vary as well). I too am in my 40's, and I too react like you do to sad adverts, films, news articles etc.
The good news is that like you say, you are 'not alone', and I guess like me, you just need to avoid the circumstances that bring on the emotions to such a large degree, (I avoid reading any sad articles in the papers now, especially if it involves animal cruelty as I know I will quickly be a blubbering mess).
Thanks for sharing your experience of this :)
hormones. i think. I'm tired of crying...its exhausting
Ditto that '42 yr old woman' (I am 42 as well).
I am a retired male 65 years old and I have noticed that for the last few years I tear up easily. The first time I noticed it was about five years ago. We had been shopping and was coming out of the mall parking lot and a funeral was passing and it was a young soldier who had been killed in combat and it made me cry.
I worked for 32 years for a medium size fire department and have seen so much death and destruction during my career and never shed a single tear. I have seen things that people shouldn't have to look at but I always did my job without any emotion. To see me in action a bystander would think I had no feelings at all.
Sometimes the stupidest things will tear me up such as movies with sad endings or happy endings or a song over the radio. This just doesn't make any sense to me.
I have nothing to be depressed about. I have a great wife that I love very much( 40+ years of marriage) A great family, Very nice retirement and everything including our home paid for and everything I have ever wanted I have been able to get. Our health is pretty good and we are both very active and have a large circle of friends. I mean I don't break down and Boo-Hoo but I tear up over the stupidest things.
My Step Father is also a retired fire-fighter 'justcallmejohn', and he retired as Chief Fire Officer here in Guernsey having formerly been in Liverpool. He is now in his late 70's and his personal circumstances are virtually identical to yours. I have seen him shed many tears over cases such as 9/11 (amongst many others). Perhaps so many years of having to stay under some level of disciplined control in order to function at your best, results in a build up of pent up emotions that you are finally able to release in the safety of your retirement years. Just my theory, but it would seem to hold water.
Cindy,
Your hubs are always remarkable. I believe emotions are healthy for all of us, how can we expect sentiment from others if we don't feel it for them? My wife (Barbara) and I just watched a movie: Into the Wind, directed by Sean Penn, and written by Jon Krakauer. We were spell bound emotionally.
Ronnie
Thanks Ronnie, what a lovely compliment :)
Emotions are very important, it is just so strange how we seem to get to a point in our lives where they suddenly become so much closer to the surface than they used to be.
Cindy
thank you i am 48 male was crying at end of beauty and beast.would not have been bad.but my 5yr old girl.telling everyone oh well
Nothing wrong with that noble01, I am 42 and I still won't watch Bambi because I know I would cry again :)
Wow,Wow,Wow I never thought other men had this issue too. Im even tearing up over this thread. Cant watch any shows that cause the slightest bit of sensitivity. Because of this I try not to get in any position that might in the least bit cause me to cry. If fact I was called for jury duty. When I got there I was hoping case was dismissed before trial. Did not want to ball on a jury. Fortunately it was dismissed.
I am currently on a low dose of antidepressants and have been for about 5 years. I talked to my doctor that subscribed my meds about this and he says he has no idea at all why I am like this. If anyone I thought he would have the answer. Anyway.... guys you are not alone.
Thanks for sharing your experiences Gary. Don't worry, it seems this is pretty normal for many men and women, and I suspect it is largely to do with hormonal changes we get as we grow older. One thing is for sure, it is not a bad thing to be capable of feeling and showing emotions, whatever sex you are.
Its sad though that the stigma is "men dont cry". My wife says that may be true but REAL men do. Note to self: Tell wife you love her. :)
Your wife is right, real men can (and do) cry :)
I can say that I have also experienced that emotional change as I have aged. I am terrified of having a complete meltdown at the wrong moment anymore. Unfortunately, it does not matter if it is on television or in real life, I tear up at the littlest things both happy and sad.... e'gads!
Welcome to our club Laura, it just shows we are human I hope :)
I have been crying too often and worst lately. Stressed by bosses, saddened by not being able to attend my son's graduation due to work commitment, depressed by computer crashes.... I just can't stop tearing at the slightest thing. I begin to wonder about my purpose in life. I have been a emotional person but not until last year after my mother's sudden death that I keep breaking down. I must be overworked ...
It sounds as if you do need a break 'sadwillow', perhaps even a change of job to one less stressful. Losing your Mum is also bound to have had a huge impact on your life. I hope things look up for you soon.
I had a heart attack 6 years ago and now I can cre on the drop if a dime. Every thing borhers me and upsets me. I am 58, when I was in my 20's 30's and early 40's. Now since my heart attack I feel worthless. I used to have my house so clean you could eat off he floor.Now I get so tired from doing very little.I wish I had the money for a helper around the house.I wish I had a decent home too the house I'm living in needs to be knocked down and rebuilt.I feel like I'm not good for any thing or any one. Iget yelled at by every one and O can't do any thing right. Some one is always complaining.I can't even work,I have done that since I was 10. And now I can't do any thing. I'm WORTHLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry to hear this Terri, but I am sure you are not worthless. It does sound in your case like you are not getting the support you need at home from family or friends. Additionally I think some counseling or even a support group might be helpful. There must be other people who have had heart attacks who feel like you do and you would probably feel better if you could talk to people who fully understood how you are feeling. My Dad had 3 heart attacks and a clot on the brain in his later life and was very frail as a result. I know he used to get times when he got very tearful that he could not function as the man he used to be. He did go on living until he was 72 though, and although in poor health he had still managed to sit in the garden or go for an occasional lunchtime drink at the pub. I hope you find a way to get some positiveness out of your situation and some support. Good Luck
I am a guy and only 29 years old and have recently started feeling really sensitive and emotional when watching TV shows and movies that never would have affected me at all (similar to your examples in the article). It doesn't bother me much but I'm starting to try and find out what's going on. It is relieving to see it's not so abnormal after all!
Hi Brian, you are far from alone that is for sure, and it isn't a bad trait, just somewhat inconvenient on occasion. I guess it may well be hormonal, but it also shows we have compassion and empathy which is surely a good thing.
I've had this for years and I don't agree it's normal or just being sensitive. I think it's indicative of something wrong with me, that 4 seconds of dialog on MASH can make my breathing go rapid and shallow just so I don't start breaking into sobs. Songs, musical movements, any depiction of compassion or the "saving" of someone's plight. No, I have to believe this is a symptom of something psychologically missing, for me anyway.
Hi Grant, in some cases it may be indicative of something more serious and then counseling or antidepressants may be helpful. It could also mean you are just a very compassionate and emotional person, (artistic individuals are often more prone to being emotional in this way).
Only you can judge if you feel outside help is necessary or if this is simply down to you being more sensitive than many other individuals, (which is not really a bad thing in many ways).
I can't even *speak* the last verse of "American Pie" without breaking down. Oh well.
Maybe this does indicate some counseling or antidepressants could be helpful and 'take the edge off' Grant. I sincerely wish you luck with this.
Terri - is there a church you are or used to be affiliated with? Think hard from an objective point of view who you could turn to. You should not have to feel hopeless, when I KNOW there are people who would want to help you if they only knew. And remember this (so you don't let self-sufficiency get in the way): when you let someone give to you or help you, you're giving something priceless to them.
when we tear-up with the movies, music, variety shows, sporting events, kids saying the darndest things..it isnt necessarily a symptom of depression. I believe its because I have had a connection with the character or performer or the message in the act. I believe it's because I come across generally as a hard honest to a fault type of man. My upbringing influenced that..I was an underdog fighting for us underdogs. No room for bullshit. The performances access via my gentle side and egress via the lump in my throat that hurts from trying to keep it back. So I let go..and feel good or enlighting for it. Empathy and familiarity with peculiarity to your own experiences and values perhaps.
Very true Dan, it most certainly doesn't mean we are necessarily suffering from depression. Your comment made some excellent points.
Maybe, as Trish kind of mentioned, now that you are older and mature you can see the frailty of life and realise how short it really is. Do the THINGS we accumulate in life really matter, or is there something more? More then just this life here?
Yes, that does make sense Jay, perhaps all that we have gone through in life also increases our ability to empathise with others too, so our emotions rise to the surface on their behalf when we see them suffering.
Reading all the posts helped me
know I'm not the only female
filled with so many tears.
I am 67 and recently retired.
Two brothers passed and then
mom and dad. I feel so alone
even though I am married.
Is there any hope of a more
"normal" life? Children grown
and grandchildren almost all
grown now. I am just sad
most of the time!!
I am so sorry to hear this Diane. Right now your recent retirement has probably not helped you to cope with all these memories of lost loved ones. My Mum lost both her brothers when they were in their 60's, and their Mum (who lived with us) died soon after the second Son was lost, (she was in her early 90's, but no doubt never expected to outlive two of her four children) Grandad had died years earlier before I was even born. I don't think my Mum (now in her late 70's herself) has ever really got over this, but fortunately in spite of her own health problems she does still have good times with our Step Dad and with us (her two daughters). Yes she gets very emotional on occasion, and reminisces often, but all in all I believe she copes fairly well with the emotions that go with the losses she has been forced to go through in life. I sincerely hope the same will apply to you as time passes. Perhaps a part of what you are feeling is a kind of combination of 'empty nest syndrome' and a feeling of 'no longer having a purpose'. If you feel that this may be the case perhaps volunteering for a charity or becoming a hospital visitor etc etc could make you feel more positive about life and what you are giving back.
Good Luck
VioletSun Level 5 Commenter 3 years ago
I don't think everyone who gets older becomes more emotional or sensitive, it depends on how the individual reacts to life; some become quite hardened. Sounds like you have opened up your heart even more (not that you were not loving before, as you mentioned) and you allow yourself feel compassion and empathy; could it be because of your husband's suffering and passing? After my sister's son passed away, she was always a loving person, but a bit tough; now she cries even during commercials, feels a deep compassion for others, (is going to open a foundation when the $$$ becomes available) and yet she is stronger nowadays. As for me, I have always been a crybaby, LOL, very emotional, but oddly when it comes to facing an emergency, a crisis, I am usually very calm because long ago, I learned how to detach so I could function with mental and emotinal clarity.