Losing Your Virginity!
89
I guess I was a late developer. Why? Well, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17 years old, (in other words, probably the last girl in my social circle to do so).
Perhaps this was down to the strict way I had been brought up. (My family would have died a thousand deaths and probably strung up any bloke in my life if they had found out I was intimate with the opposite sex beforehand, not to mention me of course). At that age I was also very innocent and naive, so hadn't even kissed a boy until the first serious boyfriend I had, (and that wasn't until I was 16). It never went any further than the kiss or two we had whilst Prefects at school, in the dark, behind the curtains in the assembly hall. My first impressions being that he smelt and tasted of cigarettes, and that this whole 'French Kissing' lark was grossly overrated and a very sloppy experience.
Still, we carried on seeing each other for a while, until he was seen snogging another girl at a school disco I didn't attend, and I dumped him, resulting in my feeling pretty dejected, and absorbed in "Why me?" mode.
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After leaving school at 16, (with a good range of qualifications behind me), I was still a virgin, and incredibly gullible and innocent. I doubt anyone took me too seriously, and I was blissfully uncaring about anything sexual, as all I wanted to do was spend time with my many pets, including my horse, a goat, a stud of over 15 show guinea-pigs/cavies, two dogs and two cats, plus about 60 chickens. Boys were something very near the bottom of my priority list!
When I finally did reach the stage of "losing my virginity", it was nothing like I had planned or expected, (actually the planning was fairly non-existent too). I had always said I would wait until I was married before I would ever have sex, (don't laugh, I meant it when I said it!). I had said a lot of things in my young life by then, including the fact I had no intention of ever marrying having seen what a rotten time my Mum had with my sickly, grumpy Father.
Well, by the age of 17 I had experienced my fair share of lads trying their best to grope their way into my affections. None of them had been successful, mainly due to their immaturity and lack of any personality. I even found one who admitted to me that he hadn't cleaned his teeth in several years.... yuk, I never let him near me again needless to say, (fortunately we had only had a bit of a snog, and any groping he had tried to do he promptly told our friends about in front of me, so I was left very relieved nothing further had happened!)
The few boys I did kind of like were already keen on other girls, or involved with them, and the ones who did show any interest in me seemed only interested in 'taking my virginity', possibly as some kind of trophy, (as it was well known by now that my best friend and I were pretty much the only virgins available).
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When it finally happened it was nothing even close to what I had ever expected, and was actually a seriously big disappointment. I had been chatted up by the lead singer of a band/group our Teddy (Rock 'n' Roll) Crowd used to go and see perform during the late 1980's. He was many years my senior, (about 35 when I was 17). He certainly had the 'gift of the gab' as they say, and knew exactly how to charm a naive 17 year old virgin. I was flattered, and by the time I found out he was married I was in way too deep emotionally.
Determined that he was going to be 'the one', I responded to his flirting, and tried desperately to organise opportunities for us to be together after he finished performing on stage each night. I wanted him to perform in a different way, and was excited by the naughtiness of our plans, (remember I was really naive and still a virgin with no idea of the aftermath of such behaviour, or the impact on a lot of people's lives).
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Well finally an opportunity arose. My family was away for a night or two, and I had our large farmhouse all to myself because I had volunteered to stay home and look after all the animals. I invited him round, and up to my small single bedroom. Hmmmm, not what I had been led to believe happened next. Firstly, for someone who was supposed to be very experienced, his effort damn well hurt, A LOT. Not impressed at all I ended the attempt, still fully virginal as ever.
At a later date I spoke to my doctor and got him to put me on the pill (yes, I know, I should have done that first), and he told me all about "Vaginismus", where a tense woman's muscles contract and make it virtually impossible for a man to penetrate, (or for a VERY unlucky man, it can make it impossible to withdraw, leading to ambulances carrying you and your partner off to hospital still welded together until the doctors can give the woman a relaxant in order to release the male partner).
I decided it was worth another try, but not at home this time!
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Well, the next time we tried was in broad daylight in the front seat of his Vauxhall Chevette Car, (or 'Vauxhall Shove-it' as many people called them then). We were parked up by the scenic cliffs in Guernsey in an isolated car park. A very undignified way to lose your virginity, and I don't recommend it. Apart from the obvious discomfort of the confined space, there were the obvious problems such as still being mostly clothed, and in a place people might drive into any time to go sightseeing, and the sights they wanted to see no doubt did not include a naked man's bottom bouncing up and down in the front seat of a car!!
Amazing though it may seem, we did actually manage it. No glamour, no fun, no big 'O' (well for me at least), but wow, major disappointment!! Was this what all the hype had been about? Did people really enjoy this messy activity? And my God, if an experienced 35 year old having intercourse with me only felt like this, God only knows what it could have been like if I had been mad enough to choose a 15 or 16 year old when I had been younger!!
You would think this should have put me off him, but gullible and stupid as ever I continued to chase this man for the next 2 years, in spite of the fact he had largely lost interest since "taking" my virginity. The aggro this caused was huge, especially when it became public knowledge. The problem was I had fallen for him big time, and was not going to give up easily. I wanted him to be my man in life, and although I lived to bitterly regret it, I did get him in the end. If you want to know how it turned out, and what a 'flop' he really became, the story is told in my other hub Living with a Control Freak, which tells how over 13 years later (after moving to the UK mainland and being widowed), I ended up with this man, and what a misery he made of my life, how he tried to strangle my dog, hit me a number of times and even stabbed a friend of ours in Tenerife when we lived there. Fortunately I am no longer with him, and he is a physical mess now, but I do pity the woman who he has now married, as she deserved much better and was a lovely person.
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Conclusion
Losing your virginity should be a special occasion.
1) Don't be in a hurry to do this because you fear you are getting left behind and all your friends seem to have 'lost theirs', (that is their misfortune and in most cases you should pity them for not having 'lost' it to a special person).
2) Save it for someone special, and before you decide who that someone is, wait until you are old enough, (or legal), to make an informed decision.
3) Take precautions, don't go near married men, and make certain whoever you choose to sleep with is not going to broadcast it to all of his or her mates as if you were some kind of trophy.
4) Do your research on your chosen person. Do they have a history of sleeping around, and if so, think about the dangers? (They could be carrying a disease such as AIDS that could end your life before it has truly begun).
5) Don't get drunk and give it away to just 'anyone'. You will regret it, (plus you will need to get AIDS tests afterwards, and quite possibly other STD tests, and even pregnancy tests if you are a woman.)
6) Don't rely on the opposite sex to have taken 'precautions', bring your own just in case, and USE them.
7) Most of all find someone you truly love to be the one you share your first time with. It really isn't any fun otherwise, and you WILL look back and regret wasting 'IT', if you just try to 'get it out of the way' with just anyone.
Above all.
GOOD LUCK (don't make the mistakes I did, I was simply lucky I never got pregnant or caught something, but I DID waste my virginity on a man who really was a waste of space, and still is to this day!)
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LOL GT, my God you read that quick, I only just published it :)
yes, don't tell anyone I read that fast, it would hurt my image of being a dummy. Speaking of fast, wait, this is not my virginity story....
Good list of what not to do. I waited until I was engaged, and I'm glad I waited. My husband waited until he was in a serious relationship before he had sex for the first time. The most important thing is to not let peer pressure be the determining factor. There is no such thing as being too old to be a virgin anymore. It's an extremely personal decision, and should be thought about beforehand.
Also, it's important to mention that teenagers often brag about losing their virginity or taking others' virginity, but they may not be truthful. There have been scientific studies done on this, that have shown that teens will lie and say they've had sex when they haven't, or lie about how many partners they've had.
Good advice KT, I hope teenagers are reading and taking notes :)
It was a very good read, and someday I will have the balls to tell the true story of how I finally lost my virginity.
TMG
I HAD to read this when it popped up in my email, as much to see whether you were doing another "Virgin Airways Letter " type of hub or not. I think that most of our first shots involve a lot of fumbling and foolishness, and most girls apparently opt for an older bloke, - experience, he keeps his mouth shut, etc. It's a pity you got such an arsehole, but at least you now have a benchmark to appreciate the good guy you've evidently ended up with.
Cheers, TOF
Hi misty! First of all thanks for sharing this one, I think it takes guts to disclose this kind of personal, intimate information!
On virginity, I think the whole concept is highly overrated, I mean, it has to happen some day, and if there weren't so much social hubbub around sex, then issues like per pressure, ignorance, wanting to fit in etc wouldn't weight in so much in us taking an untimely decision with sex. Books and movies and peers and what have you make it so there is pressure for chicas to do the deed, for the wrong reasons entirely, which ends up causing grief instead of happiness.
Then again, if one thinks about it, first times of anything are hardly ever the best experiences :) Sex, as anything else, takes practice to make perfect, so it's kind of ingenuous to expect that the first sexual encounter will be a mind blowing event. I think it CAN be if one loses her virginity with someone she really cares about, NOT because of the sex itself, but because of the emotional connection, which is what she'll remember the rest of her life :-)
Off my soapbox now! I really enjoyed this hub!
Great read and excellent advise, strange how the first time, in actual fact always is a stress filled situation and never what was it was expected to be. The emotional virginity is always lost later on, or sometimes never.
Thanks for sharing such an intimate experience.
Love and peace
Tony
My "first time" was on the beach, it was warm summer night, sparkling stars on the dark sky,...but only thing which I remember as good was my swimming in the sea afterwards, because I felt the sea is cleaning me and healing me. That was night I first time realized that sea can heal every human wound...Sex was big disappointment. I was also very naive. I could not enjoy the sex up till my 21. And would recommend the same things you did. Exactly the same...
Excellent Hub, Cindy, as always...
Well, I waited till I got married at the age of 21. Although I am not married anymore to that person i do not regret having waited till then.
Thanks for sharing this, C. I think sex before marriage really complicates things if relationships don't work out. It also affects your judgement when you're in a relationship because you can be blinded by all the positive feelings from sex and overlook a lot of the negative aspects in a relationship that might be obvious otherwise. You have given great advice too. It's not weird to want to wait until marriage - i wish more people did it.
Thanks for writing this hub - can't have been easy for you.
"I even found one who admitted to me that he hadn't cleaned his teeth in several years" that is just sooooo gross!
Thanks everyone for all your positive feedback. I hope you can forgive me for not responding to each answer individually, suffice to say I am glad you all approve of the advice and agree the first time is seldom very earth shattering! :)
One of the things I really appreciate about your writing misty is your honesty, regardless of where it takes you. Even to the most deeply personal level.
Thanks BD, I am always very comfortable being open and honest about myself, not sure why really, but I don't find it hard to talk about very personal things, especially if I think my experiences may help or guide others. :)
Thanks for sharing such an intimate moment. You wrote about your experience so well.
Thanks St James, I am glad you enjoyed the hub :)
Interesting story. Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help:) What is a Teddy Crowd?
Hi Joe, a Teddy Crowd is a group of Rock'n'Rollers 50's and 60's style, you know, jiving, full circle skirts, creeper shoes, quiff hairstyles etc, only in our case they were a kind of second generation Teddy Crowd, dancing to the same music, wearing the same clothes, only about 20-30 years later. glad you enjoyed the hub and thanks for popping in.
Really good and really interesting post.This is a new seeing to me but http://www.ofskin.comI agree that it's much more interesting
Cindy- Sister that is some very good advice. But seriously weren't you really close to your mom? I don't know why I asked that question but in my case I feel very close to my mom and she tells me so many things which I can't write here. But one thing I would add is that one doesn't need to experience bad feelings oneself to learn from it and one can always have good judgement by hearing/observing without going through bad experiences oneself.
Reading your story I feel the basic feelings of all girls are similar at that age but somehow in different places and circumstances each of us reacts differently. I still remember the first time I ate meat (fish cutlet) when I was almost 18 I felt I was doing the ultimate rebellious thing which to many here would sound trivial. Although now I have stopped eating meat(which I ate 4 times in my life so far) because each time it brings with it guilt for several days. I guess we all have certain inner moral compass which guides us about right and wrong.
Hey, Misty. Excellent hub. Moving, sad, funny in places, and with a good solid lesson. My first "real" time was in the front seat of a car, too. A total disaster. Oh, god, it's too painful and funny to even recall it. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Misty, i really enjoyed reading your personal story {nosey ole me! lol}.. But! this hub is not going to help young guys get an easy leg over!:D although I do realise that guys can lose it (so to speak)!
Well done for sharing!:)
Interesting hub. Reading it made glad, again, that I waited for marriage.
Another good one, Cindy. As for my first time, well, we're taking it slow. We've only been married for 22 years. I'll be sure to let you know when it happens, though. I'm hoping maybe our 25th anniversary will be the big night!
Good Hub and good commentary all around. BT's 500 offspring were cloned, of course.
Happy 25th Anniversary to you and the Mrs., B.T.! We're sure it will be most special.
Thanks Patty, but I'm afraid that is still 3 years away! Thanks, also, for the cloning explanation. I had been wondering for some time, how she keeps reproducing without my help! It's all so clear now!
Great hub Cindy! You relayed some excellent advice for young girls/women. It obviously applies to young men as well. Everyone remembers their first.
B.T. - That's where the extra whickers and the occasional bit of antler have been disappearing - it is not Jackalope Pattern Baldness after all!
Wonderful hub, and I will throw in a little of my experiece if you don't mind. I was 24 when I lost my virginity... yes, 24 (imagine the heckling I received through the years :) ) but let me say it is not because I was a prude, or moral resons, or anything of the sort. I wanted to make sure that IF I did get pregnant that it was someone I was 100% sure I would be with the rest of my life. I was lucky enough to get through my first heart break without losing it, and after that I wanted to be sure.
As a following side note, my husband and I did have sex prior to our marriage, and got married because we were ready to start a family. The first time we had unprotected sex our daughter was conceived, this is no exageration and I can literally tell you EXACTLY when it was :).
If any young women are reading this it is a wonderful read and very true, while there are wonderful joys in sex make sure you are willing to at the very least put up with this person for the rest of your life if you don't follow all the precautions listed (and sometimes, rare but sometimes, even then).
My first time was one of the happiest 15 seconds of my life!
Thanks for a wonderful hub!
LOL all , what great comments to come back to.
CW, Yes, I was close to my Mum, but not in such a way as I could have discussed such stuff with her. She was way too shockable, and the generation gap was vast, so I kept things of this nature very much to myself.
Hi Bruce, yes, the front seats of cars are very uncomfortable for such activities, and not romantic locations at all!!
Welcome Compu-Smart. Young boys may get a few ideas from this hub as how to make the experience special for the woman, or even themselves though. You only lose it once, so it should be as nice as is realistically possible,
Hi Christa, thank you for visiting and commenting. I think waiting for marriage can be a good thing, but you can also take the viewpoint that you could already be married before finding out that you and your new spouse are physically incompatible, by which time it is too late as you are now married. With this in mind I think sex before marriage is a good idea, but preferably with your Husband to be !
Hi B.T. golly, you have taken 'waiting for it to be special' to the extreme haven't you? Poor Mrs B.T. At least she had her cloned babies (ahemm!!) to make up for it. Do they resemble you by the way???
Hi Patty, great to see you here. Thanks for commenting and for appreciating that Mrs BT is the 'Virgin Furry' !
Hi KCC, thanks for commenting and so glad you enjoyed the hub. Yes we all remember our first, but how many of us can say it was really any good LOL ??
Hi Tom, LOL, 15 seconds eh, not too bad for a first time I guess. Many would be lucky to last that long!!
Hi Blogging2, thanks so much for sharing your story, and I am truly glad you enjoyed this hub. It is nice to know that there are still 24 year olds out there willing to wait for the right man, and lovely to hear your daughter was conceived on one of these 'first time' occasions with the perfect partner.
another great hub Misty - sound advice for the virgins in waiting - ..if you wait what a disappointing life you could have if as you said in your last comment to Christa, "you could already be married before finding out that you and your new spouse are physically incompatible, by which time it is too late as you are now married" This would be pretty sad for someone who obviously viewed or took their marriage vows seriously enough to wait for the "right one" ... cheers
Thanks Ajcor, glad you agree with me on this and I really appreciate you commenting here. Just imagine if you married, and then found out your partner could only be aroused by you 'braying' like a donkey for instance, or dressing up in baby clothes, scary thought huh?
I agree it could be a disaster - quite disconcerting and disappointing and then having to think about enduring a lifetime of it...dreadful...
Absolutely!
thanks for sharing this one for it offers lessons and insights about losing the cherry in a not so cinematic way (music please!) - which is the awful truth most of the time! :D
Who's the babe in the top photo? Woo-hoo! Kidding. I know it's sweet little ol you. Nice work. It's a very awkward period in a kid's life. I tied you, by the way...I was 17 too. It was such a horrible experience I was massively screwed up for two years...but that's another story.
Hopefully, your story will reach the right ears. Thanks!
Thanks Cris, glad you liked it and appreciated the realities of losing it without the glossy image most teenagers imagine it will be.
Hi Christoph, would love to hear your story too if you fancy hubbing it!! Thanks for liking my picture at the top of the hub. Finally, where has your usual sexy Avatar gone again????
pretty stiff of you to expose this..... but i still can't fathom why guys have this fetish for virgins - its definitely somethin to do with control play, which lasts longer and is even more painful than the act itself...
Hi Affiliator, Ironically the person I did "give" it to ended up being a complete control freak, so you are possibly quite right. Not sure what your first sentence meant though "pretty stiff of you to expose this", that is a new expression to me!!
cindy, please don't read between the lines - LOL - what i meant that it took a lot of guts from your side to come and spill the beans and still respond to queries openly.. envy your relationship now as you are able to talk such stuff so freely.
It is very important to know how it is like loosing virginity before actually loosing and for a man it is important to know about a woman's feelings on the issue. Hence this Hub has come as very good help for all the virgins around like me. Yes you heard it right, I am not yet married and still a virgin, I don't regret it and don't feel shy admitting it. Actually I have not yet come across the perfect one for me, as you have said it mistythorizon2003, "Save it for someone special!"
Thanks Affiliater, Now I understand the comment better LOL. I am lucky that I don't embarrass easily, so have no trouble talking about such things. :)
Hi Packerpack, thank you so much for your admission here, and know that it is a good thing to be a virgin and save it for someone special. Once lost it can never be regained, so rather than regret who you 'gave it to', save it until it is truly someone who you want to be with.
I think packerpack's pulling some kind of fast one - given his recent hub on 20 different sex techniques!
Interesting LG, lets see if Packerpack has a response to this :)
if only
Chill guys chill...... I have an explanation ..... I have already commented it on my Hub "Best ways to make love" as a response to mistyhorizon2003. Pleae read it ...... and bast me with your questions again if you still have any doubt..... :) :) :)
OK, team, time to loosen up! (No pun intended)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NOZH0y7VxE&fea
(Watch out for Popeye, Cindy, have a good trip.)
Great hub, Misty. I also planned on waiting and lasted until my first year in college, where I had an utterly disappointing, drunken encounter that left me feeling cold and empty. I wish I had read this back then and not been so eager to "get it over with," and I hope others will benefit from your story.
Hi Packerpack, just off to read your response now, so no worries :)
Hi TOF, very good clip ,thanks for posting that. :)
Hi Melissa, if it is any consolation I wish I had waited too, but what's done is done, so we can only pass on our experiences to others in the hope they can benefit from our experiences. :)
Did you get my message about that picture? It's a picture of the girl who is (or just did) auction off her virginity on Ebay. I saw her on a news magazine show. Starting price is 1 Million Bucks!
When you said "virgin," it reminded me.
Hi Christoph, no I didn't get the message, only this one just now! Wow, fancy that, are you going to be bidding if she hasn't already sold it? :) :)
Hi Packerpack. Just tried to go and read your reply to me on your hub, but it is now unpublished, (not sure if you did this or hubpages). You can always post your reply here instead :)
Sure. That's 1 million pesetas, right? I think that comes out to about 10 dollars US.
Hmmm ,doubt you will have the winning bid somehow Chrs :)
Hi misty, I am so sorry that it is no more being shown there. I tried to write that hub with great precaution making sure it do not appear as a hub that is trying to show sex and sexual practices. I was not at all trying to promote sexual practices, it was plainly to help couple to have more satisfying private moments but I don't know maybe someone felt like that and flagged it and so Hubpages took action against it and it has been unpublished :( :( :(. All effort gone to a waste :( :(
Anyways this is what my explanation was to your question ;
Actually all techniques I mentioned there in my hub has been tried very well by my cousin and his wife. They do lot of experiments and it is they who suggested me all these technique and asked me put it as a Hub.
I had a VERY similar experience physically with interesting emotional differences. First of all, I was 19, even older than you were when you "lost" your virginity. And I was with a guy who I'd been dating for more than a year, with the same lack of experience as me, when it finally "worked." We'd tried several times with similar results as your first time. It hurt a LOT and continued to hurt even after it was successful for the first time.
I feel satisfied about the person I did it with, but it still wasn't fireworks or exciting or even enjoyable. It hurt, and obviously no big O for me, either. The experience of losing your virginity isn't exactly a great one for most people. Well... specifically most girls.
misty
you are gutsy
i admire your guts
from pshycological point of view
you should agree that you sound cynical and pessimistic
expectations spoil the fun-when we expect too much then frustration results
when with a married man guilt prevails and leads to repulsion
physical intimacy should happen it should not be organised privacy.
scientifically
bonding emotion affection all play a role.it is not only pheromones but hormones as well.
vaginismus does not drive an inseperable union of man and woman driving them in an ambulance. it is over exaggeration acceptable though for humour.
in all my medical practice i have never come across a couple handcuffed ? by vaginismus
All great advices there, Misty. I know I Found the hub too long to read all.. But see.. I did :D and I ddin't want to skip any terrible moment that you had to face. Glad to see the guts in you and then these great tip after you personal experiences. Weldone (not for your first time but for the hub that you dared to write :p). I do agree it is one of the most special moments to surrender someone special for the first time.
P.S: I just read another hub of yours but that's too spicy to drop a comment :p I'll stop by sometime in some crispy spicy mood.
Cheers!
We have a saying here in South Africa, "Fooi tog!" ... what a pity! It's pity teenagers have to keep learning the same lesson over and over again but then maybe it's the adults who keep the myths alive ... just to torture the next generation!
My advice; do it with someone you really like and trust. It's not so much a question of WHEN but HOW. If you expect the first time (virgin or not) to be awkward, you'll get through any blunders and then get down to having a fun experience ... again and again and again.
We have a saying here in South Africa, "Fooi tog!" ... what a pity! It's pity teenagers have to keep learning the same lesson over and over again but then maybe it's the adults who keep the myths alive ... just to torture the next generation!
My advice; do it with someone you really like and trust. It's not so much a question of WHEN but HOW. If you expect the first time (virgin or not) to be awkward, you'll get through any blunders and then get down to having a fun experience ... again and again and again.
I must of been an ancient bloomer. I was 21!!!! lol.
Also, you should post a picture of the bastard... in case I run into him... I will personally shit on him for you my dear. He sounds like a real slime...
Cindy..... you have to check this link out.....this is more subtle....
we you come from losing virginity at a young age is a must, i realy disgree on that, losing virginity is actually for 1st nite marriage,
i am a muslim an as muslim you are not allow to have sex untill you get married, one purpose that i found that when people lose virginity the will practically have with a few man until they find the one, these is not good because some of the man she have sex with is probaly better in sex compare to the she marries
so this for my opinion make me things this is the reason in muslim is forbidden to have sex before getting married
great hub btw
mistyhorizon, you are hilarious! Your honesty in this Hub will be a warning to all, and the way you deliver the information just cracked me up. If more of us were this explicit in describing our first times to our daughters, they would probably decrease! Oh wait - no, that won't work.... teenager already KNOW everything!
Thanks everyone, great comments. To pick out just a few to reply to specifically,
Nadim, thank you for your comment, and I respect your Muslim traditions, but don't you think it is a bit lazy of the men to not want their women to have sex with other men before marriage in case she finds they were better at sex than her new Husband. Perhaps he should make an effort to really be good in bed and learn all he can beforehand, rather than expecting her to settle for second best!!! Glad you enjoyed the hub though :)
Lela, so pleased you enjoyed this hub and it made you laugh. High praise from a writer as good as you are :)
Hi Mellas, the guy is complete arsehole, but now also looks a complete mess physically, all blobby, overweight, limping and old. I guess he got his karmic just desserts. :)
Packerpack, thanks for the explanation, I for one think it is a shame your hub was unpublished as I found it was full of very good ideas to spice up a couple's sex life. Cheers.
Cindy- Sister, Maybe when you become a mother and your daughter grows into her teen years you will have a better communication to give her good advice. Btw I am taking a planned break and will email you shortly. Bye take care.
" these is not good because some of the man she have sex with is probaly better in sex compare to the she marries"
Comparisons are odious.... seriously, this sounds way insecure!
"If more of us were this explicit in describing our first times to our daughters, they would probably decrease!"
Don't know about you, but that's the kind of detail I don't want from my Mum!
Hi CW, look forward to hearing from you. Don't stay away too long. I am away for three weeks myself from 12th Feb, but should hopefully have Internet Access on the Ship so will try to stay in touch on here.
Hi LG, I too think it sounds rather insecure if that is the reason in general that this Muslims are not allowed sex before marriage.
Ah, the first time. I remember it well, I was 15 and I planned the night together with "friend" of mine who had lost her virginity at 13 and was helping me to lose mine with the "object of my desire". My parents were away on vacation and left me home alone... why, I will never know. Anyway, he was 16, so he drove over (we called him on the phone and invited him over), he arrived quite inebriated, we put on some "whitesnake" and got down to it. I felt elated afterwards, I was blown away... I really did care about him alot, he was my very first heart throb and I am not sorry that he got my virginity. What ruined the night for me, though, was when I went back up to my bedroom and my "friend" was giving him a blow job.
Hi Mcstir, I just loved your story, but am amazed you didn't regret it once you found him and your friend upstairs together. I guess that really would ruin your 'first time'. Thanks for sharing this story. :)
Hey Cindy, great picture up top, you are truly beautiful.
My first time was horrible, I was 15 and I believe he was the same age. It was painfull, awkward and just plain disgusting, I actually threw up afterwards and didn't try it again for a year. Of course the scond time was better, my partner was more experienced and was gentle. I think that sex becomes better when you are in love with the person you are sharing yourself with. It is a truly intimate thing, and when love is involved it just makes it so much better, I have been with my husband for 19 years now and I can't imagine why I ever decided to share that most intimate thing with anyone else.
This is a great hub, and hopefully one that will help people to understand that it really is better to wait.
Enjoy your trip Misty - look forward to some "trip" moments on your hub if you have time.....cheers
I believe you're kinda wrong about this. You can't recognize that "special someone", "the one", "the love of your life" until you have sex with him. What if you fall in love with a guy, get engaged and when you decide you are ready for sex you discover that you two are not compatible, and the sex sucks? It's good to have sex plenty of times before you get married, because sex weighs a lot in a healthy relationship and both parties should know what to do.
Hi Gwendy, thanks for sharing your story here, and I hope all these kinds of stories will help youngsters realise why it is worth waiting for a special someone to share this with. Glad you enjoyed this hub too:)
Hi Ajcor. If I can definitely get internet access on the ship I shall try to do a live hub about the cruise day by day, and include pictures etc. Look out for it :)
Hi thejimster, Thanks for commenting. I think you may have misunderstood what I suggested. I actually agree with you about not waiting until you are engaged or married to have sex in case you are not physically compatible, but am attempting to convey the importance of not just giving your virginity to just anyone, but to save it for a someone kind, gentle and sincere, rather than just a messy and painful fumble with the person who you happen to be with with at the time.
Misty Thanks for sharing a painful (physically and mentally) experiience and hopefully others can learn from your experience.
Thanks Sixty, I hope it does help others to benefit from my pretty nasty experience :)
My fiancee was 29 when she lost her virginity and then she went on a 3 year sex crazed binge. She is a gorgeous woman who was a late bloomer as well. Unfortunately, she slept with about 20 guys in that 3 year span and they were all losers. She was desperate for attention and she felt this was the only way to get it. I really think your hub will help others, I just wished she could have read it before she decided to make some bad decisions.
Thanks rdgeiger, so glad this may help others and sorry to hear about your fiance, but glad she has met a man like you who cares. I really hope this hub does help others, as I kind of wish I had been able to read it before I made my own mistakes, even though that would have been impossible.
Hiya I agree totally with you.What a let down my first was.Yea and so was my first kiss.His mouth was like a vacuum cleaner,honestly he nearly sucked my face off.Saliva everywhere oooooo.I thought this bloke is honestly like a piranha I was then very reluctant to do it again for awhile.I did not enjoy sex til I about 25,am now in my 30's.
LOL Blondepoet. well said, I guess most of us are pretty awful at kissing and sex when we first try it. Big disappointment when we each expected so much more for our first times :)
For sure, it's not all it's cracked up to be...the mystique of losing it, of some guy conquering it, both false notions.
For me, it was so stupid and unfulfilling. The night it happened, I had to hide the guy in the closet when my mother came home unexpectedly, and wait to release him when she went to the bathroom for her nightly routine. (Actually, in retrospect, it's pretty darn funny.) Did it hurt, no. Did it feel good, no. It was a nothing.
GREAT Hub. Thanks so much for putting this out there.
If you're an aspiring romance novelist, or have a true mystical experience with a soul and body mate, then the loss of virginity can be pretty special. If you don't qualify on those two counts, well, it's, like, a big zero.
Great information - thanks for sharing. I lost my virginity at the age of 22 and it was three years later before I had sex again because the first experience wasn't what I wanted but did because it was, well ......available, and I was curious! The next sexual experience was with the woman I married.
I'll share your story with my daughter.
Thanks Sally, I must say you sum it up perfectly, at the same time as making it sound a very humorous experience :)
Thanks to you too jxb7076. I hope this story does encourage your daughter to wait for the right man too. :)
Hey Cindy, where ya been? We've been missing you around here.
Hi Gwendy, just got back from my cruise. Will write about it soon. Been all around Chile, Cape Horn, Argentina, Buenos Aires etc. Nice to be back though and looking forward to catching up. :)
Just now seeing it. I'm ALWAYS late to the party!
Can you imagine that ambulance ride?!?!
We have alot of "romantic" notions as teens, don't we? I admire you for writing all of this. I'd never be able to muster the guts!
You are so lucky! Why wasn't I invited?
Great to see you here Proud Mom, and thanks for commenting. I don't mind writing this stuff, as I hope my experiences might help others less experienced than myself :)
Hi Gwendy, ahh, sorry not to invite you, but even my Hubby wasn't invited as my Step Dad was paying, so it was just him and me as my Mum had too much pain in her knees to cope with a trip quite like this one, so I took her place in effect. :)
I hope you enjoyed yoursef and glad to have you back.
It was great thanks Gwendy, and it is lovely to be back again. Still loads of hubs to read, but will write my own again soon :)
I was a late bloomer as well and very disappointed in my first experience. Takes guts to go into detail like you did, can't you believe you remember it so vividly. First time I was sooo drunk I hardly remember. I wish I wasn't. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Ryan, thanks for commenting. Ironically my short term memory is really bad thesedays, but my long term memory is excellent. Luckily (or not, as the case may be), I was also stone cold sober :)
Very beautiful!
I must say your hub qualifies to be on top of the list of hubs under the category of "Original writings". It was amazing. Its not that I read such self confession first time but yours was really a class. Thumbs up from a fan of yours.
Thank you Shkiper, so glad you enjoyed this.
Also, thank you premsingh. a truly lovely compliment and it means a lot to me. Delighted you enjoyed my writing :)
Open and honest - good advise with humor in the replies to boot. I believe your advise to wait for the first time to be special is GREAT advise..... My first was just "okay" --- but I'm hopeful my next experience will be both soon and GREAT!
Love - Light - Laughter
Neil
Great read, Misty! After reading your story, I decided to share mine. It is not as educational as yours. I hope that some teens who are thinking that sex is something they might want to try, will read this and think twice.
HEY VIRGINS ON HUBPAGES!!!! STOP HERE BEFORE YOU TAKE THE PLUNGE!!!! (no pun intended)
Tootles!!
Thanks Neil, delighted you enjoyed the article and hope you have better luck the next time around. Don't worry, it only gets better after the first time, (well normally anyway).
Hi Nayberry. Please feel free to leave a link to your hub here as I have read it and it is very good :)
thats totally changed my mind about not being a virgin. thanks for the tips!
No worries, any time and thanks for the comment :)
Wish our sex educational teacher would give us better warnings than passing out condoms?! O_O
That was a great hub misty!
Thanks Mayhmong, yes, it would be better if sex education teachers were a bit more 'graphic' when explaining life to the children they are guiding!!
really good story. in a day as ours where there is all kind of negative things and people out there one's virginity should be cherished and only be surrendered in the loving, caring context of marriage. sex only enjoyed when there is mutual love and respect for each other.
I guess I didn't wait for a review. Must have been okay as she was willing to do it again.
By the way, if you lose your virginity, is it possible to find it again?:)
Thanks Triniboy, I agree with you largely, but don't necessarily agree you should wait until marriage just in case you find your new spouse and you are sexually imcompatable, by which time it is lagely too late.
Hi Logic,commonsense, LOL, I only wish I could find mine again :)
I heard that if you go without sex for 7 years you become a virgin again!:) Sometimes a week seems like 7 years!:)
Besides Misty if you did find it you'd probably just misplace it again!:)
LOL Logic, you sound like my Husband, only he thinks 7 hours seems like 7 years :)
I probably would misplace it again if I found it, but then it could always be found and lost multiple times I suppose ;)
GOOD ADVICES now I realize to make the right decisions your story did touch me and now i'm going to tink good what i'm going to do THANKS
Hi Jenny, it really sounds as if it isn't too late for you yet, so do try to make the right decision, (please), as you have an advantage over most of us, i.e. it isn't too late for you yet!!!
i think there's a happy medium. too soon is obviously not good, but waiting till you're married is a BAD idea. for several reasons.
Hi Composed, great to see you here. I agree with your comment 100%
PS. Is a "Happy Medium" a jolly lady who talks to spirits??? :) :) :)
Great Hub misty...gutsy you. In India it used to be the opposite. Girls who lost their virginity before they got married, would do all they could to pretend that they were pure and virginal on their wedding night. Today things are changing with Indian women insisting if men can sow their wild oats, then why not women, but most of them are still very quiet about it.
Thanks Diana, pleased you enjoyed the hub, and you made some very valid points about how cultures are changing to be more accepting of equal standards for men and women alike.
Hi Misty, You won't believe this but both of my wives were virgins! My first wife was 20 when we met. It was not fireworks for either of us. I didn't know how to move right or be kind or considerate. There was no swing to my thing. I still can remember saying to myself, "Do people really move like this? It's so unnatural!! Perhaps she never forgave me for that, I don't know. And my girl now was 25. Her mom had told her that she had better keep her legs together until she got married and she did. I wasn't going to pry them apart though I was looking around for a crowbar. She was so much younger than I and I was scared anyway. One does not approach that much raw female sexual energy and not be wary. By that time there was swing to my thing. I had also grown a brain and very soft sensitive fingers. I took my time and she almost came. I guess she was scared but I won her over and the next time all eleven fingers did what they were supposed to. Thank you for your wonderful articles.
Thanks 'Her Guy' I am so glad it worked out for you and you are happy with your Wife, and her with you. You sound like a very sensitive lover, and one any woman would be grateful for. It takes time to please a woman and make her relax truly, but the end results are worth it :)
Thanks for sharing such a private experience. I know that I would not be as brave as you. I am now off to check out the other hub that you linked to this one. Thanks
Thanks Tiptopcat, I am glad you enjoyed this hub, and hope you enjoyed the other one too :)
Thank you for sharing this. it totally changed my mind. i'm definitely gonna wait till i get married.
Great Read Misty. I hope your life in that regard has improved. The first guys sounds like a first class looser.
very frank a vivid account of a landmark.
Thanks for your comment hafeezrm.
Thanks for your kind sharing... This should raise awareness among teens about sex and the effects for premature sex... It is true that you cannot detach entirely from the emotional and spiritual attachment through sex (I am not talking in the sense of psychology not religion)... If Sex with different ppl is become a common activity in yourself, you will be living in mud while not aware that you are in the mud (just a metaphore).... or worse "Feelingless" towards sex and probably get ED earlier....
I'm 22 yet still "V" - good... I never wanna hurt any girls to such extend when there is possibility of breaking up... Living together is a test run for marraige.. and I suggest everyone to do that because love marraige is prone to end up in divorce due to unable to live together... no tolerence among each other... and many factors... It is different when being just normal bf and gf when you get to see your becoming spouse "little habits" that might disturb you...
This is what you should do... if you think he or she is the one... and living together doesn't give you the right to have sex.... is just purely like roommates.... don't try to follow the culture where promoting too much of happy love ending (with sex activity by specific) because life is not so easy to have happy endings if you don't work correctly for it... movies are fantasies where we like (or just remove boring part of life)... just like games... never real... some might carry certain values and it is important for you to understand it ... and some... just purely entertainment (where the idea of... "just imagine this happens")....
Misty, you can share means you accepted your mistakes, and you should be proud that you do... If you are going to have another bf... he must able to accept your everything including your past... conservative ones might mind your virginity at the beginning.... but if he loves you... he can accept you as he know you wont do it again.... by the way "not all angles are virgin"... you sounded like an angle to me... I am conservative.. but if you were to be my gf... it is ok to be even I will mind at first.... who don't want an angle by the way....
Sorry for this long comment...:P
P.S.
living by your values is never naive or innocent, you won't go wrong by living with your values and that is the right thing to do...
ammendment : I am talking in the sense of psychology not religion...
Thank you for your profound comment Wilson. It was full of good advice and certainly not too long. :)
Thanks for sharing your experience! it wasice read
regards:
sufyan majeed
Thanks sufyan.
thanx ..
thanx ..
Virginity is also for boys too not for only girls
Actually that is a very good point Free Sex Tutorials. Thanks for commenting.
ha, you thought you were late at 17 - I'm almost 20 and still a virgin, my younger sister who lost hers at 16 and is 17 now always makes me feel like some kind of freak but I've never found anyone I wanted. Interesting read. Shame that the old man was a let down! Sounds like a perv tbh
Hi Mia, thanks for commenting here. I guess by todays standards 20 is quite late, but I am pleased that you are waiting for Mr Right before throwing it away on just anyone.
Yes, that guy was essentially a perv I reckon :)
I'm 18 and I'm still a virgin....
Well done Susie, wait for the right guy before you give it up.
applaude your honesty on such a subject. my first time was awful, but I admit it was my own fault for getting myself into the situation. I had been at a club and drinking and didn't even really know the guy. I look back now and can't believe how stupid I was.
Thanks love my yorkies, I have a feeling quite a lot of people have a pretty awful/disappointing first time, and no doubt regret it a whole lot later.
Geez! Just a few comments on this hub eh? (Canadian I am ;o)
What an extreme life you've led Cindy! Its made you the strong woman you are today hasn't it?
Its curious how small choices made when you're young lead to complex, happy and sometimes horrific chains of events throughout your life.
-Pete
ps: "Vaginismus" Great word. Can this be "learned"? I think we need a hub devoted to this most interesting subject ;o)
Hi PJK, thanks for the feedback. My life has been a bit of a drama I agree, but yes, it has made me a far stronger person as a result. I would change many of my choices given the opportunity to live my life again, but then who knows what kind of person I would have turned out to be.
Might just do that hub on Vaginismus, never thought of that, good idea :)
I loved reading this...I'm a virgin myself and I used to worry about still having my hymen intact even though I knew and still do waiting for someone I love, in the right time and place would be best.
It's nice when the things you have in your head is written down be someone like you who's had a lot of life experience.
You rock my world...Misty x
Thanks Sa Toya, I am so pleased this has helped you and encouraged you to wait for the right man in the right place. I promise you you will not regret waiting :)
Thanks for sharing your experience Misty i really enjoyed reading this. anyway im 22 and still a virgin and proud of it. im going to wait till im married
Hi Shain, I hope you at least make sure you have your first experience with someone you love, even if you don't marry, just make sure they love you too and it is serious, then you shouldn't regret it if later on things don't work out. I don't suggest waiting until marriage in case you find out too late you are not physically or sexually compatible with your new partner, but thesedays it is not so unacceptable to have sex prior to marriage as it was years ago. Just be careful and choose wisely.
omg this is so true .
i plan on waiting till i'm ready though.
So may people do want to be a girls first and they
will stop at nothing to do so. But once its done he leaves and she regrest it.
So anyways i plan on waiting :)
Good for you VampireAlice, you won't regret waiting, just don't be tempted by empty promises from men who can be very convincing, plus it is hard to say no if you truly find the man attractive. I wish you good luck. :)
Check out http://www.defloweredmemoirs.com for more stories about girls losing their virginity. An imperfect experience seems to be the norm really.
Hi Clarissa, I have allowed this link, although technically it is SPAM as you didn't ask permission to post it. As it is relevant to the topic I will leave it in place, but if it proves to have "adult" content I shall be forced to delete it according to both Hubpages and Adsense TOS.
I like your writing. It is very down to earth, truthful, personal and respectful. It comes across very well. Thanks.
Thank you Tamarind, I am glad you like my writing and I appreciate the compliment.
thank you alot I'm only 17 and I really understand what you saying so thank you...
you are really a big help
You are really very welcome angel, better to wait for the right person for sure, rather than make a mistake you may regret for a very long time afterwards. The right person will be happy to wait for you anyway, so take your time deciding if he/she is the one.
Well I had scroll down so much jst to write a comment :-)..I wonder how I missed this hub. Must say you have loads of guts to write what you felt. Im your fan for life. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for this jayb23, I am flattered you said this in your comment, and relieved for the lack of criticism at my past mistakes.
I linked your page to one of mine because this is one of the most honest accounts ive ever read and i think it will help young people consider what they are doing
Is anyone's first time good- at least for women? I doubt it. I waited until I was 21, my goal was to wait until I was really in love. Even though I waited and knew my body well and the setting was perfect, it was still a disappointing first time.So don't feel bad about your experience. I think that's inevitable. Great hub- enjoyed the honesty.
Thanks Bette, I really appreciate that.
Hi izettl, I am glad you enjoyed this hub, and I totally agree with what you say. Thanks for commenting.
I would gladly take a fistfull of AIDS with a smile on my face once the test came up positive just for one, half-decent sexual encounter. Anything to lose this curse. The only thing keeping me from killing myself is knowing I can't die a virgin. Nobody deserves to be this desperate.
Well I sure hope it never comes to that, especially as I am certain you would find the first time pretty disappointing and not worth getting AIDS for. It is probably only the curiosity of the unknown that makes you so desperate, but the reality is not what you might expect. Don't worry, your time will come, and hopefully with the right person who isn't carrying any diseases!
I absolutely love this, i think teenagers should be exposed to this type of writing more often!
Thanks Pat, I hoped the brutal honesty and reality of what it is really like might get the message home to many curious virgins out there. Glad you appreciated my method.
I lost mine with my girlfriend who is now my wife. I was 20 and she was 18. She had had sex before with 2 guys over the passed 3 years . so she was 15 when she lost hers. When we had sex the first time i did not tell her it was my first time but she knew it as soon as we did it. I was more nervious and scared then exicted. She had not told me she had sex before, but the way she lead the way. i knew she must have done this before. she had been the only girl i ever kissed and that was the week before.
It is so nice to hear you ended up together Jake, it goes to show that just sometimes, your first partner is also your last, (therefore THE one!). Thanks for sharing :)
So glad I'm still a virgin girl at 19!
Good on you Mans, just wait for the right partner, you won't regret it. Thanks for commenting here too :)
The truth is that I am almost 20 yrs old, have yet to kiss a boy, have a boyfriend, and lose my virgin, if that hasn't been made clear by the list above. If you were a late bloomer at 17 then I feel like Father Time because I am far from being close to losing my virginity. I feel like an utter freak. I am so socially awkward with the opposite sex that it takes me a while to even be myself in front of men. I can't even look them in the eye. I know I sound pathetic and far from help but I don't know what to do. I have gotten better though, I can speak and look people directly in the eye but I still cringe on the inside. What am I suppose to do because at this rate I may just devote myself to a nunery and blame that on my inabilities.
Hi there lost_in_my_thoughts. Firstly you are not unusual in still being a virgin at 20, and it is far better to wait until the right person comes along rather than rush it. Don't look at each member of the opposite sex as a potential boyfriend, concentrate on just having fun, chatting, laughing, socialising etc and see what happens. Usually Mr or Mrs Right come along when you aren't looking or expecting it, and your shyness and awkwardness might actually be something a potential partner finds rather endearing. You are certainly not pathetic, trust me, you are far from alone, but that doesn't mean the person for you won't be in the next room you walk in to. Try taking up some hobbies like sports, dog agility (if you have a dog) or volunteer at a local charity you feel an affinity with. It is normal activites like this where you are most likely to meet someone of interest to you, and you will already have one thing in common, i.e. the sport, the charity or whatever else you chose to do.
WOW,I MUST CONFESS DAT THI IS REALLY AWESOME.REALLY INSPIRED.
Thanks Miriam, your comment is much appreciated :)
pretty interesting information! nice hub
Thanks Kamran, pleased you liked it :)
so sorry that happen to you but 17 is not old at all I am 21 and I never had sex of any kind. I am happy and do not see the reason why I should have sex or maybe that's me. you did a great job on this hub.
Thanks bugslady8949, I am glad you enjoyed this hub, and for sure you don't need to feel pressured into having it until you are ready and meet the right person. Unfortunately we do seem to live in a society where virginity is lost by children at about 10 -13 years old, which seems so wrong to me, but did make me feel very old at 17.
What a great hub.. Really true writer can write this hub. you are a great writer. Voted up!
Thanks so much Thurs, that is a wonderful compliment :)
Some of us lose our virginity to rape, and it ruins your sexuality with other men. Good hub
I can completely understand that losing it the way you describe would or could ruin your sexuality with other men lavender. I appreciate your feedback, and thank you :)
Word of this hubpage -
"" don't go near married men ""
Totally behind you on that statement Jacob. Thanks for commenting.
nice
Went to an all girls high school so as a result I was 19 when I lost mine. Wasn't in love either and not anything earth-shattering. But that's OK since subsequent encounters got better and better with more experience (and wisdom).
Thanks for sharing KateWest, glad it got better and better for you, I guess after a not great experience the only way is up :)
Nice and still try hard to overcome that first time sindrome.
Thanks myfacelikemirror. :)
Hi, thanks for sharing your experiences ! I'm 16 and still a virgin, all my friends have had sex and tell me to.. But I'm going to wait until I'm in a steady relationship and feel ready :) xx
Well done Lucy. Never feel obliged to have sex simply because your friends either have or 'claim' to have had it themselves. You will have the last laugh when in later life they are kicking themselves for having had sex with the wrong person, instead of saving it for the right person. It is an experience that should take place between two people who love each other, not just two people who both want either a quick thrill or want to lose their virginity just to 'fit in'.
Don't throw your 'v' to just 'anyone' just to 'belong'.
Good advice Jude185 :)
it is really very nice and can motivate a number of people who had the similar experience.i really like it.i am 21 and having a boyfriend.we are in a relationship since 3 years and we both loves to each other seriosely.we have done sex when i was 19 as i completely trust him and we even do it now.but we can't do marry to each other as some other personal problem and its really hurtful not to marry with him,but this reality and we both are ready to accept dis bitter truth now.after 2 or 3 year i will do marry with the person to whom my parents will suggest.but i am in a great confusion that would my husband recognise dat i am non-virgin? as i am from india if my husband would get to know it dat i have done sex prior wid my fst love ,den he will never accept me in a positive way.please mam,suggest a satisfying answer.can i get my virginity again?
Hi nidhi,
Realistically a man is unlikely to know if you are a virgin or not. Some women don't bleed when they first have sex because their hymen (effectively their virginity) has been previously torn naturally through activities such as horse riding or from using tampons. You can't ever 'get it back', but like I said, most men would have no idea whether you were one or not. Even a doctor could only verify if your hymen was broken/torn, but he could not say how this had happened. In your position I would take up horse riding or start using tampons each month now, so that you already have this explanation to hand if you need it (which is unlikely).
I am sorry you can't marry the person you really love though. I understand different cultures have different ways of doing things, e.g. arranged marriages etc, but it just seems so tragic that you can't be with the man you truly love because your family won't allow it for whatever the reason. It seems to me that 3 people get hurt by this, you, the man you really love and the man you marry (the last one because he too deserves a wife who is in love with him, not someone else).
Whatever happens, I wish you good luck.
thank u so much mam 4 ur wishes.i am really very impress with ur answer and agree too.you know,the person to whom i love will get marry after he will completely establish most probably after 6 or 7 years and me within 2 or 3 years.so there is a problem of large gap too.den,finaly is it damn sure ,dat my husband would not ask me on my 1st nyt dat wid whom i loose my virginity? have u ever did true love with some one?
Yes, I have had true love in my life, fortunately several times, although sadly my first Husband died from Cancer.
I would think it highly unlikely your Husband would ask you on your wedding night if you were a virgin or not, but if he did, I would immediately act very indignant that he had even asked such a question, and tell him what I have told you about tampons or horse riding.
Hey misty, great piece of writing by the way. Im a boy, 16 and a virgin and here is my story. I recently got back together with my ex, we had been separated for 1 year. She is 18 and not a virgin. I asked her if she would like the honour to be my first and she said yes. I really want to do it, bt im afraid if i do it will affect my mind. Im amongst the smartest and brightest students in my school. And most of all i fear the possible addiction and change in intellectual capacity if i start having sex. I need a solid solution.
Relax Triple T, it really isn't that complicated. It isn't like trying heroine or something, it is just a natural human activity and you are unlikely to become 'addicted'. The 'wondering' is more likely to effect your mind than not doing it at all, and there is no reason why trying it should interfere with your intellectual capacity. What you are dealing with right now is a fear of the unknown, and my advice is just to 'go for it', you will probably find you are even mildly disappointed at what you have been 'missing out' on, (the hype is always better than the reality).
Good Luck :)
Thank you misty :D Im more confident now. And i think since my gf nd i care about each other it will better my expirience. Now I have to work out the time and place for D day. I love her and im sure i wont regret this later. Thanks again:)
You are very welcome TripleT, good luck and I hope all goes well for both you and your girlfriend :)
Wow that's an amazing story, well I lost my virginity to my boyfriend when I was 17 years old, I am 18 years old now, but unfortunately I'm a Muslim girl from Pakistan, my boyfriend is my first love that he always makes me so happy, he want to sex with me, I was ready, he say that I'm a special girl for him that he want to sex with me.. He's not Pakistan. He's the one guy that he's my first love and sex. I still love him.
Hi Maryam, you are obviously going to have a problem with your family if you try to be with this man and this is very sad as you do love him. Wrong time, wrong place, unfortunately. Hopefully your life will be happy regardless, but I am sad you cannot follow your heart without fear of rejection from your family.
I sincerely wish you the very best of luck in your future.
This is the "BEST" advice ever.
Thanks Drake, I hope others follow it :)
Wow interesting article
I have to say that I lost my virginity when I was 27. It wasn't so much due to peer pressure but because I had been sexually harassed by my boss at work and I feared that I would lose my virginity if he raped me. As a result I decided to find myself a bf and lose my virginity properly.
My first night was surely not easy but he was very patient and gentle as he was 10 yrs older than me
And clearly knew what he was doing.
I actually had a tint of regret after it was done because honestly I wouldn't see him as my life partner and secondly I was disappointed at how over hyped the whole sex thing is... The only thought I had was " IS THAT IT?!"
It wasn't anything spectacular but my bf has lived up to be a very caring partner so I actually love him more and more
Hi KI, I am glad you have found a decent partner even if he wasn't someone who really made your heart pound in the early days. The strongest love usually comes with time and is not the immature 'butterflies in stomach' dopamine fueled love anyway. You might find my article on 'Can a relationship work without you being in love' interesting reading on this basis, and it doesn't necessarily mean exactly as the title implies. The link is:
http://mistyhorizon2003.hubpages.com/hub/Can-a-rel
I hope your former boss came to a sticky end by the way. He sounds like he was a nasty piece of work who should have been reported to someone in authority.
I don't know if that is just the thing with men they try to get as much sex as they can but that doesn't mean they should go uncontrollable.
I also agree that once you start indulging in sex it's like wallowing in mud
To be honest I vetted my bf about his previous relationships etc and since he is 10 yrs older than me I knew there would be some surprises in the bag.
Well I hope the two of you stay happy together for many years to come. My late Husband was over 15 years older than me, and I loved him to bits to the very end when Cancer finally stole him from me (he was just 48).
Hi! Just came across this hub. Funny article! But just to clarify much earlier comments on the reason why Muslims are not allowed to have sex before marriage: because it is seen as something special between a man and woman and should be shared only between them in marriage because it helps to create more of the emotional/loving/close connection between them. Although people would agree that of course you want your spouse to be the best you ever had, the truth is that Islam views sex between a man and woman as something very sacred. Frankly, all religions do if you should feel that you want to be religious. It's not something that is exclusive to only one; they all feel that way. If, obviously, you believe in other things or do not feel religious, then of course, to each their own! No one side should judge the other for their decisions. Waiting for marriage to have sex or not waiting to have sex is a personal choice.
Thanks for your thoughts Sara, I guess I am disturbed that a this article is seen as 'funny', when it is so serious and should be deterring people from the messes they can get themselves into emotionally and in relationships.
Also disturbed by religion being brought into sex when it is actually natural and nature based, and anything but 'religious'.
Hi again mistyhorizon2003. I didn't mean to offend by saying your article was funny! I actually really liked your writing. I just meant that I found your anecdotes to be enjoyable to read while also conveying your message, which I agree with: losing your virginity should not be a race.
Also, I only brought up the religion part of it because of prior comments that seemed to suggest something untrue about religion's point of view on sex being so that the man doesn't need to worry about the woman having had better sex in the past. Just wanted to clear that up.
But yes, I agree that it is something that is natural and there are plenty of religious and non-religious people that feel that way. Again, good writing!
Thanks Sara, I am really grateful you posted back here. Sorry if I seemed a bit 'narked' before, I guess I do feel strongly about this, and took the comment a little bit the wrong way. For this reason I do appreciate you clarifying and hope I caused you no offense in my earlier answer :)
Thanks for sharing from your personal experience. I waited until I was in my late 20's and I was married. It was completely worth it.
Thank you for commenting freemarketingnow. It is so well worth waiting for the right person as you found out :)
I strongly recommend waiting until marriage and choosing your spouse carefully. I have seen a handful of girls lose their virginity, only to be dumped the very next day. One got an STD. One was raped. I have seen firsthand, the emotional and physiological devastation that it can do, especially for teenagers. I have seen unwanted teen pregnancy. Women are not objects and don't deserve to be treated that way. Virginity is the GREATEST GIFT you can give your future spouse. All these so called "test drive" theories are all myths. We aren't born as perfect husbands, wives, parents, or lovers. We have been given the ability to learn and become better with practice and communication.
One of the qualities I find very attractive in a woman, is one who demands respect. Guys are much more willing to commit to women who make them wait for sex.
Staying true to this mindset, has allowed me to find an incredible woman who believes in the same things I do. And I am a guy in his 30's.
There is a reason why Tim Tebow is the most popular player in the NFL. It's not because of who he is as a player, but who he is as a person.
WAIT til marriage, it will be worth it.
Thanks for your comment Blade, you make a great case for staying a virgin. The only thing I disagreed with was waiting until marriage for sex, and the reason for this is a good one. At least one person I know would have made a terrible mistake if she had married her partner before having sex with him. This was because it turned out he had a very 'odd' fetish in the bedroom department that she could never have dealt with long term and was not comfortable with at all. Needless to say they never did marry, but at least by finding this out in advance of marriage she didn't have to go through a divorce.
goldentoad 3 years ago
great read and good advice. I really liked it but of course, I feel bad about your experience.