Do You Really Want to Commit Suicide?
84Slashed Wrist
You have decided enough is enough, for whatever reason you want to end your life as you can't bear to live anymore, but stop, think for a moment, and listen to the words of someone who has been there, didn't succeed, and is still grateful for the fact she survived, namely me!
When I was 17 I was still a virgin and had never been in love. It was now that I met a much older, married man, who basically seduced young girls as a challenge. He paid me attention, romanced me, and in my naivety I fell for him totally and allowed him to be my first.
Quickly after he lost interest, and then when the affair came to light, he managed to convince everyone that he was the victim and I was some kind of harlot/ marriage wrecker. His wife added to this, (in spite of the fact he had done this to her many times before as I later found out), and before I knew it I was getting beaten up by the crowd of teenagers I hung out with, not to mention the fact his wife beat me up once too. It seemed strange so many people believed him, as at the time he was 35 and I was only 17-18 and had been a virgin when I met him. I also heard he had done the exact same thing to a young girl a year earlier, and essentially chewed her up and spat out the pieces.
My social life died a death, as by now I was barred from the hotel where he was lead singer in the band at his wife's request. I had few friends left, and yet all of those same friends were happy to talk to him.
Having dumped me, I was left feeling completely abandoned, and desperate to change his mind, I turned into what you would probably describe as a stalker, turning up at his work and even staking out his house. Whenever I saw him I made sure I was in full makeup and looking as sexy as I possibly could. By now I was at the stage of being grateful even if he agreed to sleep with me, (which he did on occasion), never mind leaving his wife for me. It didn't last long, and he basically wanted rid of me and was telling our mutual male friends they could have me now, as if I was some kind of old car or something.
I even tried avoiding him for 6 months, and then turning up out of the blue, which succeeded in as much as he slept with me again, but he also went on to dump me again, almost immediately.
Things got so bad I truly didn't want to carry on living, and I was only 18, (this situation had dragged on for well over a year). I remembered his wife had once told me that the best way to commit suicide and make sure it worked, was to take Paracetamol, as the liver would fail and the damage was irreversible. I took the decision to go out and buy a large bottle of these tablets, and one day, when I was on my own in my place of employment, I began to take the tablets until I had taken a total of 12. I would have taken more but for the fact there was no water left in the company kettle, (and we didn't have any water supply of our own within the building), and I guess the second reason, if I am honest, is that deep down I really wanted to live, and this was just a cry for help.
At the end of my working day I headed home feeling very sleepy and sick. For the following 12 hours I spent most of my time retching down the toilet, and feeling completely out of it. Of course my Mother was really worried, so I finally told her why I was being so ill. She was horrified, and of course the fury she already had towards this man was majorly intensified.
Once I recovered I felt much better, and I guess it could have been alot more serious if I had taken more than the 12 tablets I did. As it was I had been told that anything over 8 tablets was likely to cause damage to the liver, so quite possibly I did do some damage, but thankfully I am still here to tell the tale.
Shortly after, I realised the only way to mend my broken heart was to leave the island of Guernsey and head for pastures new, i.e. the UK mainland. I left on December 10th 1988, and I rapidly underwent a dramatic recovery from my depression. Suddenly I found I was having fun again and I didn't need to worry about being beaten up whenever I went out of the house. I felt like a new person, with a life to lead, and believe me I was very grateful my suicide attempt hadn't been successful.
For the next 13 years or so I had some pretty tough times in the UK, three years in an abusive violent relationship where the guy went off and married his ex-girlfriend whilst still engaged to me, even losing my Husband to Bowel/Colon Cancer, but I survived them all, in spite of contemplating suicide a number of times throughout those difficult years. Each time I thought I couldn't sink any lower, or life could only get better, something seemed to happen that tested my resolve to stay alive, and I did.
I even made the worst mistake of getting involved with the original man who had caused my first suicide attempt, again, over 13 years later, and yet again he proved to be a nightmare after he persuaded me to move to Tenerife with him. Two and a half years of hell later, we split, and ultimately we both ended back in Guernsey separately from each other, at which point he began telling everyone, including his new Wife, what a psycho I had been to live with. Strange when you consider he was now on his fourth marriage, yet I had still only had one marriage, and that only ended because my Husband had died from the Cancer.
Frustratingly many people seemed to believe his version of events, and this did drag me down emotionally again, as it was largely my word against his, although by now his new Wife no doubt has a pretty good idea of what type of person she has married, (3 years later), especially as she was a decent person and her and I did end up getting on very well once she saw I was no threat to her.
There are no truly good reasons to commit suicide, and no matter how bad things seem, they do get better. I am now happily married to my second Husband, I have three cats, a fishing lake, and a fantastic relationship with my Mum and Step Dad, all in all life is rosy, and I could so easily have been dead now and missed out on all of this.
If you did choose to commit suicide, how would you do it. Surely there is no good way to do it, and it is always avoidable.
Consider that slashing your wrists would not only be painful, but is a really hard thing to do, and if you do survive you will no doubt be scarred for life.
Taking an overdose of something like Paracetamol is a horrendous and very painful death.
Jumping off a building or cliff has got to be a really nasty way to die, and one that will take at least several seconds of you probably wishing you hadn't made the decision to jump, but it is now too late.
Shooting yourself is a violent death, and if you get it wrong you could end up being a vegetable for life.
Throwing yourself under a train or a vehicle, is not only unfair on the poor person driving the vehicle involved who has to live with this horror for the rest of their life, but is surely a very unpleasant way to die by any stretch of the imagination.
Drowning yourself, just imagine the panic of not being able to breathe and having to try and fight your way to the surface. Once you regret it, it is too late, but you can't go back.
Hanging yourself is also a nasty way to die. Either you break your neck, (well at least that is quick), or you suffocate to death struggling to get air and wishing your hadn't kicked that chair way which now seems so far out of reach. Imagine the horror of the poor relative or friend who has to find you like this later!
Think about your family, what will they suffer and will they blame themselves for not having seen the signs coming? Your actions could wreck their lives too, and is that what you want for them?
My Mother had already lost both her Brothers, her Mother, her Husband and our Cousin within the previous two years. Can you begin to put yourself in her position if she had lost a daughter as well? I doubt she would have survived it on top of everything else.
Nine times out of ten, an attempted suicide is a cry for help, but not everyone gets it right, and all too often the end result is that you are dead anyway, even if that was not your intention deep down. You leave family and friends bereft and suffering, frequently with many unanswered questions, and all for what, the fact you couldn't ride through the problems and survive to come out of the other side!
You would be amazed at what you can live through and come out of the other side, even if it doesn't seem so at the time. You will be a stronger person for it, and may well go on to counsel others, (be it friends or professionally) who feel much the same as you once did. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, and no matter how low you feel, the only way is up.
You can survive school bullying, I did, and although I was incredibly miserable at the time, I am still here to tell the story. Take self-defence classes, you will be able to take control of your life back and gain confidence. Once the bullies realise you are capable of defending youself and hurting them, they will move on to easier victims. Be there for those new victims, and advise them of how to solve this problem as you have done. Most of all do not be afraid to tell a teacher, as this is what the bullies dread most, (hence the threats of what will happen to you if you do), and when I found the courage to do this my problems instantly ceased.
Take it from someone who has been there, life is for living, and in spite of all it has to throw at you, there will be many times ahead of you that make it worth having persevered through the difficult and painful times.
If you are a friend, family member or acquaintance of someone who you believe may be suicidal, read my second article linked to below in order to find out the danger signs you need to be looking out for.
Another Suicide Article by Mistyhorizon2003
- What are the signs a person is suicidal?
If you suspect you have a suicidal friend or family member this is an article you must read in order to find out the symptoms and signs you should be looking for. Even if they smile and seem happy, do not be fooled, they may still want to commit.....
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Thanks PLM, I only hope this hub makes the suicidal of any age think again before they do something that will end their life, and ruin their family and friends in the process.
Yeah, it does hurt sometimes, sometimes it even hurts a lot - but it is still worth living, I'm with you on this 100% :)
I can imagine what you've been going trough. And you're a survivor:) Thanks for this hub:)
Yes, we can all survive if we try hard :) Thanks.
Misty a very harrowing story. It's comforting to know that you have overcome all of the obstacles thrown at you, and developed a life of relative happiness!
Thanks agvulpes, yes, it is good to still be around otherwise I wouldn't have found all of my friends here on hub pages either :)
WoW Misty ;0) gald you hung in their...i think Your name should be in the dict..under def..meaning of rejection...anyway glad your here and happily married...Mike :0)
Cheers Mike, Really appreciate the comment and the compliment. I am glad I am still here too :)
Glad to hear that you're alive and sharing your testimony. You really inspired me to also share my side of the story when it comes to suicide.
Thanks Mayhmong, so pleased you are able to now share your story too. I know I would have missed out on so many things if I had been successful, or had continued to try to commit suicide. I am very glad I didn't, and am now generally very happy with only a few after effects, such as mild depression periodically etc.
Thank you again for sharing your story. I hope it helps people in suicidal frame of mind to rethink and reevaluate their life. Myself I have never felt that bad, I love life and can't wait to live more.
Thanks Ryan, and I am truly pleased you have never felt this low yourself.
I could cry for you. I have been there. I tried to commit suicide a few times when life got too hard for me, and I have been struggling over the past few weeks with thoughts of trying again. My life has taken a few bad times as well. Just don't let your heart become so bogged down with sadness that you would pay that high of a price to escape. I know that is easier said than done when you are faced with heartache after heartache, but a little faith can go a long way.
Hang in there honey. I am so glad that you are still with us. If you had succeeded, you would not have been able to share your story and inspire others.
Tootles!!!
Thanks for the lovely heartfelt comment Nayberry. I am okay right now, and hope you will be too. I guess each time you survive a major heartache you grow a bit stronger in preparation for the next test life will throw at you.
And life's full of those darn tests. Is good to look back though and see how strong your character becomes as a result of the dark times.
Such a well done Hub. The best anti-suicide message yet.
Misty, in 1998 my uncle died suddenly in his sleep. The very next week, my cousin, his eldest son gassed himself in his garage. He didn't leave a note, didn't talk to anybody and to this day we don't know why he did it. He left behind two lovely little boys. All we can think of is that he was so upset about his dad's death, he killed himself. he was only in his early thirties. At his funeral, the pastor said that this was the first time he buried the dad the one week and exactly the son the next week. Suicide is awful, really awful.
Thank you GeneriqueMedia, I so hope this hub helps to prevent suicides and is read by many considering it.
Hi Cindyvine, I am so saddened to hear your story, how absolutely tragic, and so many unanswered questions. Truly the pain and anguish the people left behind have to suffer, should be reason enough to go on living and rule out suicide as an option.
I agree with you two, I'm glad I was not successful in my attempt.
G|M
I only know of one person that chose to commit suicide. He's been gone six years now and the day he made his final decision still affects his family to this day.
A raw hub but a great way of putting the message across.
Thanks GM, I am glad you are still around too :)
Thanks Frogdropping, I am sorry to hear you have had first hand experience of the effects of suicide on the people left behind. I hope this hub saves at least one person from inflicting the same pain on their family and friends.
Misty - "I hope this hub saves at least one person from inflicting the same pain on their family and friends" - absolutely!
Very powerful hub. Thanks for sharing and I'm certainly glad you were able to choose a different path:)
Thanks both Frogdropping and MissJamieD. I am very pleased to be able to say my early attempt at suicide failed, and now, many years later, I am a far stronger and wiser person, who knows this really isn't a solution, nor is it fair on your family and friends left behind.
i want to die... thank you for sharing this.
jr, please believe me when I say this is not the answer and life will improve. I am here if you want to talk, and you can email me privately. Don't die, life can get so much better just around the corner. Trust me on this, I know!
Misty - Keep reaching out and keep inspiring. We need more people like you.
My friend, you have walked through the Valley of the Shadow and have managed to emerge. I hope your honest hub serves to help others. My father shot himself, and I sometimes hear suicide's plaintive call. I even wrote a hub about it. Great job!
Thank you Habee, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad though.
Its easy to say suicide is not the answer when you have people in your life who you can talk to. Its easy to say suicide is not the answer when you have a family that loves you. Its easy to say suicide is not the answer when you have a good job or have the credentials to get a good job and support yourself financially. Its easy to say suicide is not the answer when you have a since of direction along w/ a purpose in life. Speak for yourself. My life is the exact opposite of what I just posted. No job, no friends, cant support myself financially, poor, feeling worthless, with no direction in life. Yeah suicide does look like it is the answer. I need Jesus.
There is always another option Post, unless you are dying and in agony, in which case I do agree with assisted suicide.
When at was at my lowest I lived far away from my family, was always at loggerheads with them when I tried to explain what was wrong in my life. I was broke in crappy paid jobs and therefore in debt as a result. I had few real friends and was, at least at one period in my life living in a foreign country where I didn't even speak the language. I didn't (and still don't) have the kind of qualifications that would have made any difference to my circumstances, although I had basic O'levels and CSE's.
Instead of sitting around belabouring how bad and cruel life has been to you, you need to do what I had to, (on more than one occasion in my life). Pull yourself up, look at your life and decide what you can do to change it. Wallowing in self pity won't do diddly squat to change your situation.
You could start by going door to door of businesses of all shapes and sizes asking for a job, whatever it is, even toilet cleaning, it will at least get you started.
Speak to the citizen's advice bureau (or equivalent) and explain in detail your situation and see what they can suggest to help in terms of local support, (both financial and emotional).
Try to reduce your expenses in whatever way possible, e.g. if you smoke or drink, stop this, take on a flat mate, or move to a bedsit instead of a flat, (I don't know your current living arrangements). Reduce your bills by getting rid of luxuries such as the Internet, Sky TV or Cable, cars (assuming you live near public transport) etc.
Once you have a bit of money coming in go out and try to meet people in inexpensive locations such as local sports clubs, night school classes etc. You will be amazed how easy it is to make friends when you already have common interests.
I am certain you are NOT worthless and have a valuable contribution to make to society given some time to sort yourself out.
I am still signed of work long term with anxiety and depression now, and I cannot work any longer. My Husband and I struggle badly to make ends meet and have lots of debts. I lost my first Husband to bowel Cancer 2 weeks after he was diagnosed, and prior to that had watched a good chunk of my blood relations dying way too young.
I spent three years in a violent and abusive relationship, and then when I finally got out, some years later I found myself in another one with a complete control freak who also tried to strangle my dog, and ended up stabbing a mutual friend.
I survived all of this and am stronger for it, and I didn't spend that time leaning on my family constantly as I was not even in the same country as them for most of that time.
I have no way of knowing what has gone on in your life to make you feel so bad, but please don't tell me to "speak for myself" as if you are the only one who has REALLY suffered, I have been through loads of stuff which is how I gained the experience to write this hub.
I think Jesus is a bit busy with the people of Haiti now and probably any one of them would do anything to have a loved one back who didn't choose to die!
I am sorry I cannot offer more, but I will try if you want to email me privately and tell me what has caused your suicidal thoughts. Ideally seek some professional help though, in all fields from support, to crisis centres etc.
One thing I do believe, is you attract back the vibes you put out, so the more negative you are, the more negativity you will attract, but the opposite also applies, so start doing something positive to change your life for the better.
I have been healed.
Interesting answer "post" I am assuming you are being mildly sarcastic as you haven't tried to elaborate. By the way, I know you are "Post" as well as "Healed Poster" by your ip address which is visible to me.
If you aren't being sarcastic I wish you well and hope your life improves and you realise it was actually worth battling on to reach the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel!
Well Post, It was hard not to come to the conclusion you were being sarcastic based on your first (most recent and now deleted), comment to me. Also, I am not trying to look at your IP address, it is simply visible under your posts as a matter of course.
Secondly this is an Internet Hub article, NOT a forum, and most people on here have been very supportive of the message it has got across.
As for being sensitive towards folk, well, I am known for being that already, and if anyone was "critical" of anyone, it was you in your original post on this hub. Plus it was you who jumped to the 'random conclusion' that I didn't know what I was talking about in the content of this hub when you elaborated as to why your life was so dreadful that:
Quote
"Its easy to say suicide is not the answer when you have people in your life who you can talk to. Its easy to say suicide is not the answer when you have a family that loves you. Its easy to say suicide is not the answer when you have a good job or have the credentials to get a good job and support yourself financially. Its easy to say suicide is not the answer when you have a since of direction along w/ a purpose in life. Speak for yourself.."
end of quote
I therefore find it ironic that everything you just accused me of you have exhibited yourself in your posts towards me!
Anyway, as you will see, I have denied your two most recent comments because they add nothing of use to this hub or to people in need of support.
I wish you well in your Christian journey.
I am a Mental Health crisis assessor. My calling is to intervene when something like this happens. It is also my job. Please listen. Death/suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. A promise to those of you who may be considering suicide is this: it won't always hurt this bad. You will heal, you will survive, you are not alone. I have been suicidal. I have wanted to die. I didn't want to wake up in the morning because the hurt would come back and remind me I was rejected again. But I survived, I fought the good fight of faith and sought help. Thank God! You are valuable!!!!!!!
Thank you donotfear, your input is invaluable, and I hope to goodness anyone reading this and contemplating suicide listens to what you have said, especially your sentences:
Quote:
'Death/suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. A promise to those of you who may be considering suicide is this: it won't always hurt this bad. You will heal, you will survive, you are not alone.'
A great deal of wisdom and experience is contained in that statement.
Thanks again.
Wow Misty thanks so much for sharing your story. I can relate to it so much. When I was young I was forever committing suicide by any way I could, I did it over a man more than once. Like you, I'm glad I'm here, life is too precious it really is.
@ Post: if you believe in an afterlife, it makes no sense that by committing suicide that you would feel any better then than you do now. Your state of mind will follow you to where ever else you may go. It only makes sense. If you believe in God it wouldn't make any sense that he would intervene at every turn and deny you the important knowledge and power of how you can live a wonderful life.
I know, because I've been there. I know because I lived in extreme abuse for the first 20 years of my life. I know because I failed in two marriages and lost everything twice, including my children.
I decided I wanted to know what it would be like to live a happy life. I became curious and open to the possibilities. If you end your life now, you will end the possibilities of what wonderful things may lie ahead. I hope that you are curious enough to continue on.
My life is not without problems, but it is a good life.
Sending kindest and best to you.
Thank you BP, so many people get to that stage and think life is over and not worth pursuing, yet if they do survive or "stick it out" they look back years later and are grateful they did carry on living as their life has changed dramatically by then. Who knows what is around the corner!
Hi Daniel, thanks for the great comment, I just hope "Post" listens to it and takes your experience on board. Like you, my life has its problems, but in general it is a good life, and much like I just said on the forum going on currently "Once you reach rock bottom, the only way is up, as there is no-where else left to go!".
This is a good hub. Thank you for sharing your story, which must have been hard because you're sharing stories from some of the darkest times in your life.
A suicide is one of the most selfish acts a human being can do to those around him/herself. No one who is suicidal is thinking correctly and they want to be the center of attention, they want to be noticed, even though in most cases they are, they just don't realize it.
Every life is precious, every person is unique and everyone are both worth saving and worth holding on to. People just don't realize that as we tend to be selfish.
Do me a favor, whoever reads this, if you are suicidal or know someone who's suicidal, get professional help, stick by one another and care. The best thing you can do for another human being is caring.
Hope this comment is at least a bit valuable and will freshen someone up.
- NY.
Thank you New Yorker, your words make so much sense and I am sure will offer a lot of hope, and reasons to carry on living to anyone reading this who has suicidal thoughts.
I have no problem sharing my experiences, after all, how else can I really empathize as a civilian (at least that might be how a person reading this felt who didn't know what had happened in my life if I didn't tell them). I have always said something good comes out of everything bad, and this is just a small part of the 'good' that has come out of my 'bad' life experiences.
Perhaps if you try posting less aggressively I won't delete them Healed Poster!!! Re-read your original post and the response you later made to mine, then consider how you would read it if you were the person who wrote the article!! Then consider the content of the comments of yours I deleted that were insulting, accusatory and rude, then ask yourself why I would therefore choose to delete them. 'Play Nice' and I shall approve them. In all my time on hubpages I have only ever had to deny about 6 comments and most of those have been yours!!! That should tell you something. Jeez, and you wonder why you have 'no friends'!!!
Great post. Truly.
Thanks Elle :)
at the tender age of 14 i decided to commit suicide.. my father was (still is) very strict in our study and other household disciplenary manners.. so just to get rid of him i consulted with one of my friends who jockingly suggested to take 20 tablets of paracetamol (500 mg each) before going to sleep.. i didnt give it a 2nd thought and did what he told me only to wake up the next morning feelin grather weak.. the weakness continued for almost a week and many of my friends commented i looked sick and my lips black/blue..
i failed for the first time.. but was soon to try another such method.. this time it was diazepam 20 tabs (i think that was 5 mg each).. i lost consciousness n my parents rushed me to hospital, underwent soap water treatment, vomitted and returned home after 15-16 days..
i'm 42 now, am an engineer, married, have a kid.. father has grown too old, and i really do not talk to him either..
the problem is that i find no reason to live on.. i wish i was dead long time back.. so even now i constantly think of means of dying.. i surf the net to look for carbon mono oxide poisoning helium gas inhalation and other such stuffs.. i want no one to stop me but if anyone has a better way to commit suicide (the sure shot way), pls share the info with me..
no preaching about life and its glories and all that bull shit..
wish me success and
bye
Why do you feel this way Bijaya, you don't mention a reason. It seems to me you have a Wife and a child, a good career and no obvious reason to want to end this? It also sounds like your upbringing (mainly your Father), may have contributed to these feelings. Do you love your Wife, do you love your child? At the very least if they love you, (especially your child), then for you to kill yourself would be a very cruel and selfish act to inflict on them. Imagine your child growing up wondering if something they did made you want to die, and asking themselves why you didn't love them enough to want to stay with them! I am not going to "preach" to you about the glories of life.. the fact is that life IS tough, but you need to learn to get stronger and deal with this as I had to. I am nearly your age now, and I tried the "paracetamol" route when I was 17. I am very glad it failed! I am afraid to say that if anyone posts "a suggestion here for a better way to commit suicide (the sure shot way)", I would have to delete or deny the comment as this is not the answer. This article was written to explain to people why suicide is not the answer and that there is a way forward and a reason to continue. It was not written to aid and abet suicidal people into an easy way to end it all, and if that became the case I would delete this article myself.
I sincerely hope you will re-think this decision and if you can answer this post honestly and calmly then either myself or others may step forward and try to offer advice on how you can move forward and away from the suicide option
thanks for yr response..
i wonder why did i start this nonsense.. sorry for all the inconveniences that it might cause. as u seem to b in the mood to talk about the possible ways to avoid commiting suicide, lets talk..
dear mistyhorizon or whatever yr name is.. my question is: in yr article u mentioned having consumed 8 tabs of paracetamol and recovering afterward..
in my case, as i mentioned it earlier, i took 20 tabs of 500 mg paracetamol and no vomiting or therapies involved.. i seemed to hv digested the entire 20 tabs, but at what cost?
is my liver permanently damaged?
is there a big gaping hole at some points of my intestine caused by the concentration of the drug?
i'm 42 now, with the passage of time will the side effects or the lethal effects of the drug will b seen?
though i was made to vomit on my 2nd attempt when i consumed diazepam 5 mg (20 tabs), didn't it add to the already damaged internal organs?
isn't my lethargic way of life and constant thinking about suicide the outcome of these failed attempts, or some kind of side effect of the drug?
and lastly, quite frequently, i feel the right side of my stomach (right of the naval area) giving constant nagging pain(its not actually a pain but sort of uneasiness as if some foreign matter is there). the sensation is worse when my body wt goes high.. after this pain besomes noticeable and gradually uncomfortable, i always had to reduce my wt. and when i do so the pain somehow gets reduced though it doesn't completely vanish..
a normal video x ray didnt reveal anything, but this constant demand to lose my wt has left me gloomy, introvert and pessimist.. my body wt is 73-74 kgs(162 lbs.) and i stand 5'8" tall.. above average than normal neplese height..
dear mistyhorizon,
you dont need to respond if u dont like to.. i am not asking for any psychological consultation either.. but i'd appreciate if u could kindly make me clear about my physical situation, based on the info that i gave to u..
(note: i dont know why i'm narrating all this to u, i hadn't done this before.. u can use my mail add. if needed)
thanks..
B
Hi Bijaya, thanks for coming back and giving me/us some more background information. Firstly, in my article I stated that I took 12 paracetamol, but that 8 is the danger level for liver damage (or so I had been told at the time). You have asked a lot of medical questions that I cannot answer as I am not claiming to be a medical professional and cannot tell you if any damage you may have done is permanent, (only your Doctor or Specialist can answer that with any degree of certainty, not least of which because they can examine your liver, do blood tests, look at your intestine etc). I can only tell you what I was told at the time (about 1987).
"isn't my lethargic way of life and constant thinking about suicide the outcome of these failed attempts, or some kind of side effect of the drug?". To answer this question I have to assume you were already suicidal before you tried to commit suicide, so I doubt the fact you now feel suicidal is as a result of failed attempts.
Your weight could well be the reason you feel so depressed and suicidal, especially if you have been battling with this issue for years. Losing weight and dieting can add to depression if you don't get the right diet and miss out on important vitamins etc. Are you trying to lose weight healthily, or are you simply starving yourself? Have you had your Thyroid checked out, (my friend has struggled with her weight issues for years and has to take anti-depressants all the time, but the whole problem is because of her Thyroid gland, and even dieting doesn't seem to make much difference to her weight).
If you are having pains that an x-ray has not been able to explain you might want to get a second opinion and see if there is a chance you have a problem that has not been explored, e.g. a stomach ulcer (now proven to be caused by bacteria rather than stress and fully treatable by antibiotics).
Assuming nothing medically treatable is wrong and this stems from your desire to lose weight you might want to look at alternative ways to lose weight, e.g. having your stomach stapled (last resort though as this can be dangerous). There are drugs proving to be quite successful for weight loss such as Alli, the weight loss pill available without prescription. I actually wrote an article about this drug you might find of interest. If you want to take a look it can be found at http://hubpages.com/hub/Alli-the-weight-loss-diet-
I would certainly suggest you speak to your doctor about anti-depressants and posssibly professional support or counselling (if that works for you). Talk to your Wife too (if you are close), her support could make all the difference, (if you haven't aready shared your feelings with her).
I don't know if I have offered much help here, but hope you will be able to solve this. You are only 2 yeras older than me, and I have found my life has become better bit by bit, although I still suffer from depression. I battled with my weight for years too, only I was underweight and couldn't put it on, was bullied and teased as a result, and not considered "curvy" enough by most people. I have only really begun to put on wieght in the last 2 years, and now I am heading in the right direction. I so hope you will find a solution in order to be able to do the same.
If I can help in any way, or you just want to let off steam, please feel free to comment here any time and I shall try to help or at least empathise with your feelings.
You might also find another hub I wrote on recognising the symptoms of depression helpful. It can be found at http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Recognise-the-Sympt
thanks..
You do not have a clue. I doubt any of you are having the problems I am having. Do you have food to eat? I don't. I also do not have the money to buy any. I have no chance for a job anywhere and neither does my husband. We are broke. WE have nothing. There is no reason for me to keep on living, and anyway, I will probably starve to death soon. You people have no clue.
Don't tell me not to commit suicide, there is no reason for me not too.
Christine, how can you be so sure none of us have a clue, especially when many of us have experienced being suicidal for many many reasons? Do you not have access where you live to any type of financial support from your government, (benefits etc)? Clearly you have access to the Internet, which is a great deal more than a huge percentage of people do in third world countries where thousands are starving! Why do neither you or your Husband have any chance of getting a job? It sounds to me like you have given up, and are accepting defeat rather than fighting back with a determination to survive. At the very least you owe it to your Husband not to commit suicide surely!
I doubt any of you have ever been hungry or have ever had to dig through a dumpster for food. I am using a public computer. We live in our car. Hubs has applied for 27 jobs int he last 5 monthes and none have come through. Would you like to hear more?
Please feel free to share as much or as little about your situation as you like Christine. From what you say so far life for you is very tough, but struggling to find food is one of many things that are terrible to go through, and each person has their own definition of what awful experience they are in that justifies their desire to commit suicide, e.g. the murder of their child or a close family member.
Can I assume you have already exhausted all the possibilities of homeless shelters, soup kitchens and applying for jobs yourself?
What would become of your Husband if you committed suicide?
Sorry to hear you have had so many problems but good you have overcome each one of them.
I lost my only child of 16 to suicide a few years ago. If he had known the lifetime of devastation he was leaving behind for me, he would still be here. At 16, you don't understand the consequences, your mind is not fully developed to know things will get better. There is a forever hole in my heart but I will always love my son, my child.
Thank you so much for your comment "Dustin's Mom", it is comments like yours that might make people think twice before committing suicide. It is so easy to think your family will "Get over it", but the reality is so different, and your comment might well save lives and prevent major heartache for parents and families who could have lost loved ones to suicide.
i am very fed of my life, i want to die can anyone suggest me better way to convey a suiside
Please think ten times before considering this option Tejas, life will usually get better, and once it doesn't seem like things can get any worse the only way is up! We are all here for a reason, and every bad experience we survive allows us to spiritually advance to a higher level that will only become apparent after we pass on. Pity the person who appears to have an easy life, they are not spiritually advancing at all! The man or woman that suffers is the one who will end up on the higher spiritual plane. Face the challenge, do not admit defeat by committing suicide however you do it!
Life isn't worth living. We are all just here to continue living and to procreate, without any real reasons. We just assign "justifications" for living.
I am very sad you believe that LifeSucks, as I am really happy with my life now and nothing leaves me more content than gardening, fishing and being with my family and pets in the countryside. This is NOT a justification for living, but a reason for not wanting to die. The glass is more than half full, NOT half empty or less!!
This is how I feel,I'm really going to commit suicide & I don't care If I'm going to hell.I've got no family,no life,& a failure boy everytime I do something.Today's my last day to live & I will no longer exist in the real word forever.
Please think again Aaron, we all fail many times before we make a success of our lives and ambitions, but if it was too easy to be a success we wouldn't feel any sense of achievement when we "made it". Look at people like Steven Hawkin, unable to move at all, in a wheelchair, using a vocoder to speak, yet he is a genius, shares masses of wisdom and is not showing any signs of wanting to be suicidal, in spite of the fact most people trapped in a body like his probably would be. If you have not been successful in your life yet, it may well mean you just haven't discovered your real talent at this point in time, but keep trying, you will eventually. Life is a challenge, every day you survive the tough crap it throws at you is a success, makes you stronger, more experienced and more capable of dealing with future tough times it throws at you. When you have got as low as you can go, the only way is up!
My life does suck, the only thing that matters is my little boy, if I off myself my own family would be relived, I have no other family that cares about me, they gave up on me some time ago, because I would not screw over my soon to be ex wife, life is a bad joke for me and in time my soon to be 5 year old son will understand and forgive me, but she will make me look bad, she left me over money, and is doing better without me, much better, her new boyfriend is living with her, and I'm living in my car it's been 4 1/2 months of this, I can't even make enough to rent a room to live, it's june in vegas and I can't find any place cool to rest, I have too much debt, and she will finally file for divorce soon, and she makes 2x the money than I do and she is telling me the courts don't care if I'm homeless, as long as I'm working they can nail me, so why should I want to live, no chance I will ever get out of this corupt city, and get to take my lvn nclex in ca, so the depression will and should win I can't seem to get any assistance in this city I'm just another homeless loser in vegas, so I know no one will care if I off myself other than my boy, the only reason I'm still alive, so why should I find a reason to go on my problems have been life long, and never knowing happiness ever in my life, the one time I tryed the bullet was a dud from a .38 special hollow point, and I have been looking for a second or better job with no avail, come to think off I never had any friends, and my family would stab me in the back if they could, no real reason for me to go on? Is there?
I really do feel for you loser37, and I am sure you aren't a loser by the way. You sound like a really decent chap who has had a really shitty time that you didn't deserve. At least you have the consideration for your little boy over your personal wish to end it all. I can't help thinking the fact that bullet failed was a sign you were meant to live.
My Sister's ex-fiance had a terrible time with his ex-wife poisoning his children against him. This went on for years, but once the children reached 16, the girl realised her own mother was a nightmare, and is now in regular contact with her Father again. He was forced by financial pressures to live on a small boat in a marina so his ex-wife could live in the house he paid the mortgage on. Believe me the stress nearly killed him, but he is still here today and far far happier.
I really hope things improve for you soon and that your ex gets exactly what she deserves. As for your family, well, like they say, you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends, so I hope you can find some good friends at least who will support you and help you out through this difficult period of your life.
Have you considered trying to explain to either your family or your ex-wife exactly how you are feeling right now, and what you are going through? Maybe they will treat you differently if they realise this is how serious things have got. I would hope all would have many regrets if you were to kill yourself without them getting a chance to put things right, after all, they all loved you at least at some point in their lives, in the case of family they probably still do, even if they didn't agree with your decision not to "screw over" your ex.
How can I get it together, if it seems like this town won't or will help it's people, they won't help me who is living in my car and just needs help getting a place to sleep and an address to get mail, yesterday I was thinking about giving up any chance I don't screw up his life by telling the ex her boyfriend to adopt my son, she was the one who flew off the deep end saying I need mental help, if it was agreed on it would have been easier to off myself I would have no other reason to stay on this plane of life, I still never believed that psychology is pop science, and all psychiatrist can give me drugs, I can admit I've never felt anything other than depresion, I've never been able to feel I've been numb all of my life even when my son was born, I just never been happy, I'm just thinking if there is a god why hasen't he taken me out or if there is I'm supposed to be his hacky sac, I think that I would no the world could do without me another loser with no future, and if I did give up my son he would not see me sink any lower while she is a winner, and she will never get what's comming to her, because that bad stuff was she married me, so she has karma credit so I know joe will be better off without me, there is no god so I don't fear where I will go it will just be dark and the end, why bother living when the world is out to kill me, and my family are control freaks and don't care what I think, as a kid I used to wish he would die on the job but no luck
Hi Again, I know this sounds bizarre, but are there no homeless shelters, citizen advice bureaus or similar where you are right now? Surely there are charities that will advise and support you! I know in the UK there are, but don't know Vegas personally. Your Son will thank you one day for not topping yourself, and will probably be the best "Rock" you ever have had. Please hang on in there, I know I still battle with suicidal thoughts even now, in spite of most people I know never suspecting this, yet I battle on, day by day, and on the good days I realise it is worth it, and remind myself of this fact on the bad days when I imagine the various ways I could "off myself" when things seem unbearable.
you do bring up a few good points, but i've not really been all that bad, and my luck has always been bad or really bad, my son had a melt down, because he did not make me a fathers day card, but i've always just looked as it being another day as most holidays it and i can't go on with my life i'm just trying to figure out did i piss someone off in a past life, to get this horrible life, i just want to not wake up, but i know i'll just be thrown out like most medical waste, the only good thing about my offing would be my parents that screwed me up would never get to sink their claws into my son, i can't figure out why people even bother with me i think misty that your heart is soo large and atleast if your in europe you can get free medical help there, but in the u.s. you are s.o.l. upon birth, and there is no services, that can help me in this shit hole city of las vegas, nv. hell i'm surprised they haven't tryied to off us homeless, but they just ignore the problem, and side with business to get them off property or arrest them, i feel like i'm in pit with smooth walls, and too wide climb out, and getting deeper and deeper and no chance to ever figure out my life, i still think i'd be doing the world a favor by getting rid of baggage like me.
This is terrible for you Loser37, but your Son clearly loves you dearly to be so upset he didn't make you a Father's day card. Imagine what it would do to him if you were to kill yourself, and what lesson would that teach him about coping with life's problems in his own future? I am very concerned about you, and wish you were in the UK where help is available. You sound like an intelligent person who could make a go of life if you believed in yourself. your intelligence comes out in your wording on comments, plus your spelling is very good.
Techincally I am in the Channel Islands rather than Europe, so we do have to pay for Doctor's appointments here (£36 GBP per time), but our operations and hospital treatment at least is free.
I really do believe from reading your words that you are sharp enough and bright enough to get a good job if you are determined to survive for both you and your Son's sake. Are there homeless shelters where you can use their address and shower etc before applying for jobs? I sincerely hope so as I know if you were here you could land a job in no time at all and earn at least £7 to £8 per hour even in a basic job.
One dream I did have for years was I wanted to get my r.n. And move to ireland or even england to live, but that does seem long ago and no real chance to happen, even if then wife did not want to, being from california I wanted to find if I still had family there, even if it meant at that time I would have even filed for divorce then, I still want to move there but they try to make it harder than to become u.s. citizen, I know that if I can ever get my schooling and license it would give me a fresh start and can put distance between my family, and I would fly my son and even my stepson there to visit, but I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I feel like I'm in a maze with no exit or way to escape, and it's getting darker, as my situation is getting more grim, I'm only living for my son and no one else, misty you seem to be my only wall I can vent to and for that I thank you, I can try, if I can get my finances together I'm going to see if I can rent a room so I can try to fix my ruined life, so there just might be an exit if I can find the saw to cut through the walls, my son is happy playing in the water at the park so he can have some fun and cool off from this 105 temp in this horrible city
A bad day at work, makes realize that bosses, have always taken advantage of me and my soon to be ex wife also said that I need to stand up when it comes to my life, I stand up to bullies and almost get killed with no help, but I won't stand up to a supervisor about pay, job or conditions of job, and yes it never pays well to stand up to evil, and yes I know I can lay down and beg to never wake up, if I'm still I'm going to be more proactive and concider that I'm too weak willed to go on living, so my son does not see how weak his father is
Hi Loser37, I have to commend you for your surviving spirit and the fact you have a desire to see change for the better in your life, both for your own sake and for your Son's. The fact you are still here and talking about your problems shows that you are not too "weak willed to go on living", and are, in fact, quite the opposite. I wish there was a way you could get to Ireland or the UK to work, as it sounds as if the conditions are far better.
Right now, what you need is a break in life, any job that can get you back "on the up". Once you have the job and a room, you can strive for a better job and a better form of accommodation and keep climbing back up that ladder. You will feel so much more positive when you see things improving and money coming in. Do they have such things as Citizen's Advice Bureau's where you are? If so they are free and can offer you all sorts of help with regards to your options etc. Also, do they have job centre's there where you can see what vacancies are available in your area and apply for multiple positions at once?
I so want to hear that you have succeeded in turning your bad situation into a good one.
Just remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Well I've come to the conclusion that this city of las vegas is also trying to kill me if I don't do it myself, devils island would be a resort compared to this place the unknown # in dante's inferno, I'm still looking for another reason other than my son to go on and the fact that I say that I hate this city and people think it's funny, and I'm always serious, I'd almost do a terrorist act just to make a point, I would do this just so I can escape my prision called my life, I'm alone and find anyone that I can be on the same level, it's like everyone is trying to make me accecpt that I should give up and live in this plane wheather I like it or not, I'm not depressed just angry at the world, and I'm still the square peg they are forcing with a hammer into the round hole, and my old attitude of "I'm here to piss you off" is fading to ending it just to rid this world of another one who questions
This will hopefully be my last entry the system has won long ago, you can't win the game if your born to lose, I hope that my son can deal with the fact that it's better to be dead than be punished by living, when the world has it's foot on your throat, and will never let you catch a break or give you a chance when you make a few mistakes and try to fix things, the only regret I have is not seeing my little boy growing up, I hope my debts will go away, I'm just done living and so tired of spending all my time fighting to lose, I don't need the pain of living another day and want to just not wake up, I might need to again be more proactive about this, I need to end the pain
Please don't give up Loser37, there is always a turning point if you hold out long enough. For your son's sake it is worth surviving. Post back and let us know you are okay please.
Why should I really need to live, my son me the loser in his life, and there will never be a light at the end of my tunnel, I feel like I'm a character in the cube with no end, my family has written me off as dead, and my boss is punishing me, and living in the suburbs of hell (vegas), I feel like life will always break me and if there is a god he/she won't let me die, why can't I ever find a way to not land on my face never my feet, and I keep falling, I wish to go in my sleep, and why am I still here, it's gotta be somethings great joke, the only thing I would miss is watching my son grow up, nothing brings me any joy, just more stress and pain, so is there another reason to want to be here any more, when I choose to I just want joe to understand so I think I'll write him a note for him to read when he's old enough, I'm not being selfish I'm just tired of living with the pain of life
Your Son will love you regardless, that is the way life is. He won't care if you have failed at anything in life, what he will do is wish he had been able to talk to you in later life when he starts dealing with problems of his own. He will question why you didn't love him enough to stay alive for him, he may even end up permanaently emotionally scarred by the fact his Dad committed suicide. It may even occur to him in times of trouble that this must be the answer to life's problems and how to solve them, he may do the same one day. Would you want to be the cause of this?
Surely there are support groups who you could speak to free of charge and get advice from on how to turn your life back around again, even if it is a slow process at first.
Every one has been saying the truth that I'm a loser and he doesn't need to see me sink lower and lower, why should he see me live this life I think he would be better off without me, I don't think that I should, be around him and why should he love me, everyone wants me gone so maybe it would be better for everyone if I do go from this life, I think that he would learn that I had to and he would be better off without me
If people say anything to you long enough you can become brainwashed into believing it must be true. Just the same you can keep telling yourself you will change your life until you believe you can, and then you will spend every waking minute doing just that until you achieve it.
Your Son will love you because you are his Dad, and children hold unconditional love for their parents, often even when those parents abuse them. You don't abuse him and he probably misses you more than you know.
I don't believe for one minute he will come to realise that he would learn that you had to kill yourself and he was better off without you. More likely he will wish he had been old enough to help you when you needed it most. You are trying to justify what you plan on doing by convincing yourself he will understand why and will not be effected by your actions. This is incredibly unlikely to be the case no matter how bad you feel it is for him to have you in his life.
Please ask your inner conscience what you really think your Son would think and feel. You don't need to tell anyone else, but I reckon you will know straight away that this will devestate him and have a hugely negative impact on his life.
Try to locate a support group for your problems. Pound the streets until you get a decent basic job to get you started and go from there. There has to be some kind of support or advice network available. You could even start writing for a website like this one (Hubpages), as although it takes time to make money from it, you do start to see a return that grows bit by bit, month by month until every month you receive a payout that in itself gets bigger as the months and years go on. With your experiences I bet you could write loads of articles on divorce, feeling suicidal, problems with difficult families, living rough etc etc. You are clearly articulate and educated, so writing quality content shouldn't be a problem. You also have access to a computer and the Internet, plus Hubpages won't charge you to join up. You make the money on visitors to the site clicking on the Adsense adverts that will appear on your articles. You need to also sign up for an account with Adsense and add the code they give you to your profile affiliates section, but that is free too. This is just one of many ways you can earn money from your articles here, and there are loads of articles on how to make money from Hubpages within this site. Just an idea to give you an example of what other options you have open to you if you want to change your life. I am not saying you will make a living at it, but you can supplement your income quite nicely if you do it right, and I know people on here who earn enough to cover their rent each month, and others who earn much more.
One thing I have figued out that I never say no, I've always settled for the last, I've never been assertive and everyone takes advantage of me and I've always accecpted that I don't lead, and I don't follow, I guess that I'm just there, a loner with a few distant friends that I never talk to or they don't talk to me so the only thing that is keeping me here is my son and only if he can see the pain I go through in my life he would understand and let me go through with it, I know it would devestate him for a while and he would get stronger with the knowledge that I tried and failed in both life and as a human being, and spending my whole life wallowing in self pitty, is the only thing I've been crown champion so far in my worthless life and of all the things I've done it's the only thing I'm good at so this would be good for all involved for knowing me personally, misty I do thank you for being an ear to listen to me talk about my "poor me" story and I'm just never going to be able to fix my own life, and I think I don't have anyone to care about me other than you and my son joe, and he just might have to live without me, I even was going to let my soon to be ex's boyfriend addopt him so I could put distance between me and joe so he could see what a real man could do in his life, despite I hate the fact that he gets all his news from "faux news" and hates all the democrats, he would stand a better chance with real people than me since I know I'm not really wanted around in anyones life, so who really needs me?
How old is your Son now? Is he old enough for you to tell him that you feel so much of a failure and you feel he would be better off without you? It is just I kind of hoped that if you spoke to him he might be able to convince you that the last thing he wants is to lose you and that you are his Dad, and that achievement in itself gave him life and therefore proves that you are not a failure in everything you do.
You also say you have never been assertive and don't lead or follow. If you have identified these points for yourself you already have the starting point to go from. Try being assertive, try being a leader. It will seem difficult at first because it won't feel normal to you, but it will get easier and by changing old patterns and behaviours in your life you can change the pattern your life follows. A bit like when you get lost en-route to somewhere and take numerous wrong turns until you are hopelessly lost, but then, you try turning right instead of left at a junction you always turned left at previously, and hey presto, you suddenly see signs for the place you were trying to find and end up exactly at your chosen destination. If your past disposition and personality are the route of many of your problems, change them so that you change your fate.
One other suggestion, are there any Christian groups who could help you? Don't worry, I am not a member of the "God Squad", in fact I am not even a Christian, but I do know that frequently the Church do try to help people who are homeless, in trouble or need support, and this could be just what you need right now.
I'm going to try to tell him today that, I'm going to kill myself and I hope he will understand, I'm not being selfish and it would be the best for everyone involved, I'm not a member of the god squad either and I just hope he will be able to cope with the rest of his family, because they will be better at this than me being alive, I hope he can do better in his life than mine of ultimate failures that makes me angry or depressed I figured his moms side has been saying enough about what I have become so why should I really need to be here I'm not much of a person, and I think the world would be much better off without me as well as my son, he's young enough he should be able to bounce back faily well, so why should he be burdoned with me in his life so he will be able to have a full and better life without me
I know I should go ahead get it done and I'm waiting for a compelling reason to go on with life I'm trapped and I never wanted to be the leader, just go my own way, and thank's to this I'm getting side tracked to not do what I need to, I just told my boy that I love him and if anything happens I'll always love him no matter what I think from the look in his eyes, he understands, as a child I used to wish my father would die from an accident at work or my mother would die in a car wreck, or together in a car wreck and I make no appolgies for that, I wanted something different, I've been numb most of my life, and not feeling anything other than pain in my life, I've never found any joy in anything, I still felt nothing when my son was born, I think my son will get it and move on with his life, and he won't get screwed up like am I'm not or have ever been a good person, I've done good things, but never a good person so it would not be a big loss if I do exit this plane to what ever awaits losers like me
I ask you questions about available counselling, Church support groups, job centres etc, but you never answer me as to if they are available locally. Are they? If so you have no reason to commit suicide until you have exhausted all possibilities, and if you haven't tried them, then you still have options.
How old is your son, I also asked you this, but no reply?
You think your son will "get it" if you die from suicide. He won't, he will learn that the easy way out of strife is to top yourself.
I am trying to help you, but key questions suggesting routes you could go down you don't answer. Are you not willing to change your life? Do you not approve of resorting to support centres, homeless shelters etc? I am not able to help you myself from where I live in my own situation, but cannot see why you don't look at alternative routes if you don't answer my suggestions when I make them.
Help me here! I want you to live and go on to a better life with contact with your son, but you do seem to be so determined to die that it makes it hard, especially if you won't follow up on suggestions I have put out there. I do care, but you have to try as well!
My son will be 5 on july 16, and I have tried avenues, no churches, I was raised catholic, there is no real help here in las vegas, the homeless shelters don't want me there because I can sleep in my car, job centers closed there doors once I have my loser dead end security guard job, they don't care, they come to roust me where I park my car to sleep, they threaten me with arrest and they like to mess with me they know my car, so no they don't help people in my cases the unemployment in nv is 14% the highest if not one of the highest in the united states, when you have 1000 trying for 20 jobs it looks pretty grim, so no they don't care about anyone in this city if you don't have money hell the mayor of las vegas had said he didn't want president obama in his city because of 2 times he said "don't come to las vegas if you don't have the money" it makes perfect sense to me but some people are the right wing asses that want the poor and middle class dead so they can have rich and serfs, and yes I again have tried and they don't have any services unless your an unwed mom and need food stamps, I tried and was turned down, and I don't have any insurance from my employer, so I can't see a shrink (psychiatrist) not psychologist are just pop science, so yeah joe is 4 and now I can be ok with going, before he turns 5, so no awkward situations, with her boyfriend and me he can be the father to joe
It does all sound really awful I have to say, but if you do have a security guard job that is a start, even if you hate it. Why don't you try my suggestion about taking up writing on the Internet, this could help you to the next level.
To be honest if I were in your situation I think I would hit the road and drive to the next state as fast as I could, take any work I could get and try to change things that way. You could still maintain contact with your Son, but return into his life properly once your situation had improved. This is probably over-simplifying things, but if you have a car is there no way you can do this? Alternatively if you sold the car wouldn't the homeless shelters help you then, plus you would have a few quid to help you along.
Another option is to make contact with your distant friends who you don't contact all that often and try to get help from them, even if it is only a bed for a few weeks so that you can get a new and better job and save a few quid in order to get accommodation etc.
Have you no family members that you are close to and haven't fallen out with fully who could help you? If not can you not find a way to build bridges with your family and get some support from them. If you explained that you wanted to turn your life around they may well surprise you and try to help you achieve this.
Just a few possibilities to consider.
Misty,
Thank you so much for sharing your story!! I am 18 and have been through some things similar to you, but I found that your story touched my heart even still. Dealing with depression and self-harm (as has been my case for seven years), bullying and things you have been through is no easy task. I believe that by sharing your story, as you said, will help counsel others. It certainly has reminded me of the things that are worth thinking about even on my lowest of days. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being the brave soul that you are, and I'm sure the wonderful person that you have come to be!!
The best to you in life and always,
~ALN
What lovely feedback ALN, thank you so much. It is rewarding to be able to put my own experiences to some positive benefit for others. I am a firm believer in the fact that out of every bad experience something good comes, no matter how small, and that at some point we will see the point of why we had to ensure these experiences. I wish you well in life too, and so hope your light at the end of tunnel is not so far away.
Well the police in las vegas have taken my car, they told me it's illegal to lodge in one's car despite the fact that my registration, insurance are current, my licence is out of state, but it's current, they said "it doesn't matter, you can't live in your car, don't like it, that's your problem" both of the women police officers were laughing that I was now on the street and no where to go, my pay day is 4 days away followed by "sucks to be you", "I hope you have learned your lesson, loser", well I called my boss afterward and basicly I'm now laid off because I don't have a car and yes it does suck to be me, now I'm seriously needing to leave this plane of exsistance, what do you think, the closest homeless shelter is about 5 hour walk in downtown vegas, if I can make it through the heat
It sounds as if your only option to make that 5 hour walk to the shelter Loser37. Can you hitch a lift to get that far, otherwise you will just have to contact your family or distant friends I reckon. Surely they will at least give you a ride, or offer you a bed to sleep in until you can get on your feet again.
Remember what I suggested in my last post to you:
"Another option is to make contact with your distant friends who you don't contact all that often and try to get help from them, even if it is only a bed for a few weeks so that you can get a new and better job and save a few quid in order to get accommodation etc.
Have you no family members that you are close to and haven't fallen out with fully who could help you? If not can you not find a way to build bridges with your family and get some support from them. If you explained that you wanted to turn your life around they may well surprise you and try to help you achieve this."
Well after I now have lost everything, and nowhere to go and no one to turn to, you are right I need to live, I still got turned away from the shelters, but I need to live, and even losing my storage (was caught sleeping in it), your right I need to live, I called my family and both of my parents laughed at me then was told I'm dead to them/they don't have any son, but I need to live now the odds are really stacked against me, I sleep outside, my ex won't let me see our son now, so your right I need to stay alive, your story sunk in and I have no reason to kill my self now, so to all good luck
You know Loser37, I am sure there is more you are not telling me, or haven't done yet. I can't imagine any parents laughing at you and telling you that you are dead to them under these circumstances, after all, they brought you up, so what it so terrible that that you did to them that would make them so cruel towards you and not want to know you at all? In any case, did you try your friends and see if they would help instead?
Why did the shelters turn you away if you are no longer living in your car?
Your Son will end up resenting his mother if she stops you seeing him, and I am sure in the long run this will work in your favour.
Well me and my parents never got along, they are control freaks and in everyway I failed them I their eyes, I did not follow what they wanted, I was not their little follower, as for friends, I called and they changed their #'s and no way to contact them, and my parents hated my ex, they wanted her to control me so they could keep me in line, I used to shoot semi pro pool and I beat my father he was well pissed an example, he really had it out for me I was trying to get a business loan to open my own pool/billiard hall and he did his best to make sure I could not get the loan, his failures and he/they expected me to follow and be under their thumb, they never approved of anything I wanted to do, they wanted me to fail, at one of their civil seconds, they told wife at the time to keep me away from any pool hall so I could never trully have any real joy, yeah sex was ok but in a pool hall and playing was even better one of the few things I was not a screw up in, but any time I enjoyed anything parents went out their way to ruin it, so the fact I did try to see if any help from them, they laughed and they now only care about their grand son, and as much as me and my ex did not want them to see him they still got play and win their head games so yeah I'm dead to them, and I do not have any options, the shelter was full due to the hot weather over 106 till about mid september so no room in any in town so, not seeing my boy when I have no clean cloths, nor a way to clean or shower so it might be better to not see him when I stink, and I can talk to him on the 2 weeks I have my phone, I might be able to cash out an union labor pension if I can explain my situation they might be able to release the money then I can get some cloths, and a bus ticket to l.a.
Trying to cash in on that pension sounds a good plan, it could be a way out of this mess you are in. At least you are formulating options in your mind now. Is there any way now you could utilise your pool playing skills by getting work in a pool hall or entering competitions with cash prizes? Funnily enough I won a pool competition here two weeks ago, and although the prize was only £70 it felt great to be a woman and have beat 1 woman and 2 men to win the competition.
Another option you might have is to talk to your ex's new man. He might be more reasonable and talk your ex into at least allowing you to have a shower, a shave and wash your clothes at her place so that your son can see you clean and smart. I don't know how you get on with this man so this may or may not be a possibility, but it sure would be nice if the guy loves your Son enough to not want to deprive him of seeing his real loving Father.
The friends who have changed their numbers, is it possible they are listed in the phone book or under directory enquiries with their new numbers?
Sorry, but I think this life is a horrible hell hole and I can't wait to die. I don't see what the point of suffering through it is? What the hell is the point?
There is always a point to life, it just isn't always apparent at certain times in our lives. Who is to say that in a few years time you might save someone's life for example, yet had you killed yourself that person would have died because you weren't alive to save them?
my boy friend has commited suicide 7times and survived al th 7 times and each time he promise he wont do it again.the last time was yerstday.he always takes medicines.i no longer knw what to do with him.
Hi Anonymous, he clearly needs some kind of help, be it from a Doctor or a hospital. You need to speak to his family who can have him "committed" to an institution who will ensure he takes the correct medication to ensure he doesn't want to do this. hospitals apparently also have a legal obligation to admit a person who is suicidal as far as I have been told, so you could call them for advice too.
I need an ok now, they won't let me cash out my union pension, I sleeping on the streets, eating out of dumpsters, haven't had a shower in weeks, I'm still getting turned away from the shelters, I won't see my son due to obvious situations, so why should I go on living, there will never be a chance for me to fix things and I might as well off myself, so what can you possibly tell me that could possibly give me hope to go on? Why am I still living, is it part of some cosmic joke?
I cannot give you an "okay" Loser37, but I can give you another couple of alternatives that were suggested to me on a forum within this site on the very subject of suicide. If you go to a hospital and tell them you are suicidal apparently they have a legal obligation to admit and treat you. Alternatively it was suggested that if you commit a crime, (obviously nothing too awful), you will at least be jailed and therefore be given access to food, showers, a bed etc, and this would give you a chance to get yourself straight and learn a skill and be helped to get a job once you come out, not ideal, but better than suicide surely!
Well, found out my son is doing good, scraped enough to call my ex wife, she was telling me I should see him, but why I'm still on the streets and smell real bad, she won't let me shower in her apt. And her boyfriend is doing an outstanding job, so I'm not needed in his life which is a relief off my shoulders, and it looks like I can do myself in and not feel bad, joe even calls her boyfriend dad, I did miss his 5th birthday, due to obvious reasons, no one even asks about me, hell even my parents snuck around using her father so they can see there grandson to them I don't exsist, so no reason to find my place in the world, and no reason to fight for life, and I can rest easy that life goes on without me, and my son will do better without me in his life,
Hi Loser37, look I know this all sounds bad, but if you looked at the advice I gave you above you could turn this situation around and sort yourself out before returning into your Son's life. I know deep down you must want this too or you wouldn't keep coming back here so that I can talk you out of committing suicide. You need someone to keep on reassuring you that things will be fine and the best answer is to battle on with living. You have an opportunity to get warmth, showers and shelter using one of the options I had suggested to me to suggest to you. This would be the perfect chance to take a step back up the ladder in the right direction and then get back on track, then you can be in your Son's life again.
At one point you said that I should consider jail and that would be far worse, with that on your record you can't a job, and the jail/prison system in the united states is just housing prisoners, they teach nothing in way of skills, I'm still real bad now, it would be worse with jail/prison. There is no solution to my problems at this time, and the world has beaten and broken me, I have no other solution and the tunnel with light has been filled in and I see no hope, your despaire is no where near the severity of mine not that you went through nothing, and I do feel the world would be better off without me especially my son, at least without me he could have a decent life and he would be taken care of
Well what about the hospital idea then? And to be honest, even with a prison record at least you would be alive and fed and watered. I am not suggesting you commit a major crime, just enough of a crime to get you a short jail sentence, but one long enough to get you cleaned up. There are parolees who get jobs I know, I see documentaries on this in the States often, example "Parolees and Pit Bulls", where parolees have jobs training and re-homing Pit Bulls that are unwanted but have good temperaments.
I have also seen programmes on prisons in the States where they do teach skills to prisoners, they even have them training young Guide Dogs, or socialising rescue dogs to improve their chances of getting new homes in some of the programmes.
Don't they have the equivalent of a "Citizens Advice Bureau" over there, i.e. a place you can go to for free advice on anything at all, be it legal, financial, personal circumstances etc? If so I recommend you go there and explain your situation. I also recommend you tell you ex-Wife to visit this hub (give her the web address), so she realises what you are contemplating and how serious it is. I would hope then at least she would help you by letting to wash and clean yourself, plus giving you a feed, if not for any other reason than that she once had feelings for you and knows what you committing suicide would do to yours and her Son.
I need help. 19990SAND@GMAIL.COM
Ive been wanting to end my life for a while now. Oly thing stopping me is what it'll do to my dad. Couldn't give a crap about my mum as shes made it clear she never wanted me. In the last 15 months I lost one of my best mates and my step mum within 3 months. I put on a brave face for everyone but inside it hurts like hell. ppl have said life gets better but it really doesnt. Im lonely and hurting and just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up
Hi 'Life's Crap', I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through, and I know you must feel at a really low ebb right now, especially after two bereavements. My Gran lost both her Sons within a year of each other, and we always think this was what cut short her life. My Mother lost her Husband, (my Father), both her brothers and her Mother all within two years, but she struggled on when few could. She ultimately recovered, met my Step Father some years later, and is very happy to this day. You do still have your Father, who needs you to be there for him right now. Between you I am sure you will a great support for each other, and in months to come it will get easier I promise. You won't forget the ones you have lost, but the pain does ease and they will be around you in spirit I am certain.
It is far too early yet for you to judge if life will get better, it does, I know from my own experience of losing my Husband to bowel Cancer only 2 weeks after he was diagnosed with it. I felt like my life was over too, especially when his family treated me appallingly afterwards, but I am still here, 9 years later, re-married and apart from some health problems I am happy again. I still think of my late Husband, I still talk to him out loud on occasion, I still love him, but the harsh agonising pain of loss has gone, leaving me the good memories and the firm belief I will be with him (and everyone else I have loved and lost), again one day, as will you.
I have read a lot of pet talks for not commiting sucide. But you give out a hope........ Thanks dear you saved my life today.
I am so glad Neha, this is the kind of feedback I love to hear and it is wonderful to know that it helped you. There really is hope you know, and I never regret taking the decision to live on, even though life was unbearable at times. I am sure you will look back one day and feel the same.
Dear Misty,
Hey. Thanks for typing this. 2 months ago I tried to kill myself, trying to hang myself. What happend was that When I kicked the chair back, the tree branch broke and I fell. Owch. ( It was a old tree. Im not fat. I weight like 90 lbs. )
Anyway, The reason I did that was because my lover got killed, And my friend commited suiside shortly after. Everyone pointed and laughed at me because I was a loner, Emo, had no friends, and no life. I was tired. i wanted to end it all.
After reading this a few days ago, I went to school with pride. Seriously. I lightend my look. Nobody even reconized me. I have made 5 new friends, and got asked out by a cute guy who had transfered. He is emo, Too. Im very happy with my life, And its all thanks to you.
:)
I am humbled by your wonderful feedback Suisidal_FreakkDx, I really hope your story inspires other suicidal people reading this hub to think again and realise there is always hope and a better future is a very realistic possibility if they just grit their teeth and battle on with their lives. Your story is an inspiration and I am delighted I helped to make a difference in your life. The very best of luck to you in the future, I am sure many exciting times await you.
Im bi and so in love with my same sex friend but im not telling him cos i know hes straight...and i cant live without being with him so im contemplating...nobody who i have talked to takes my problem srsly and cant help me.
Hi FML, well I can see your dilemma, especially if you are certain he is straight. The trouble is that all you can you see right now is your need for him exclusively. Eventually this will change when you meet someone else who you feel equally strongly about, and believe me, you will, after all, if there was only one person in the world we were capable of being in love with the odds are highly against us ever meeting them. You don't say how old you are, but assuming you are old enough I would suggest you join some gay groups, go to gay bars etc and even visit gay dating sites on the net. This will at least expose you to more people who are gay and therefore likely to be interested in you in the same way. You can still have straight friendships or relationships, and you can still keep your existing friend. This is certainly not a reason to kill yourself, you have no idea what this would do to your friends and family if you did, and no relationship is worth killing yourself over.
I wish you good luck.
I am married with a young daughter of 2 1/2 years old!and originally from the UK! I am on unemployment benefits! and have tried and tried to get a job here in the US! I have no other choice but to do it!
Hi Johnnyuk, you need to contact your family or friends back in the UK and get them to help you to return. If your daughter is 2 1/2, she needs you in her life, and will no doubt need you in the future. What will happen to her if you commit suicide? You have a responsibility to her, and when you conceived her you signed up for that responsibility for life, not just until things got tough!
aah damn i didnt read the hole storry bud the things i read are pretty sirius stuff and i am really imprest u didnt kill ur self bud i am 21 and i'm gonne kill my self becaus i hate my life only thing keeping me from it is that my parents love me and try to suport me bud iv realy had it with this prisson im living in and its callt nederland evry day i get letter pay this pay that on and on i live in a room thats 10 by 5 meters for christ sake and i workt my bud of sinse i was 15 and i still haven got any thing wort mesioning pfff i hate this life and i know alot of popele have it alot worse and the storry i read here is schokking to say the least and like i say i admayer the courrige you show bud the way i see it if i kill my self now i dont have to suffer anymore for no reazen ad all anymore i had a pretty shitty time til now and thinking wat the futere holds in sore depresses me even more so thanks for the storry bud it got me even more deprest so am gonne end it soon p.s dont coment on this i probebly wont visit the site any more to read it
bud for the popele that read this dont fuck up you life like i did
peace !
o anoter ps im not a nerd loser or ugly guy so to say im 2 meters tall and 85 kg pure power bud verry deprest and i havent lost any buddy or so and nowone broke up whit me because i never had a girl becaus im bad if it comes to talking with girls so dont think am gonne kill myself for that its just that i never saw a bright side to life o ke maybe having lots of good frends soo wat i mean is evry marrige breaks evry frend schip passes and missery is ther al the way and dosent break or pass fuck !!!
I hope you do visit again although you said you probably won't. You really should read ALL the article before deciding your own future, as it clearly shows that things do get better and you simply don't know what life has in store for you ahead. Read the comments too, as you will get an insight from them as to how others have reacted after reading this, or simply by coping in their own way.
Never ever give up hope, as if you keep trying long enough your life will turn around at some point, no doubt when you least expect it.
I sincerely wish you well.
i'm still homeless, i can't seem to get anywhere, i am truly in a bad spot, my ex is actually laughing about my depression, and still wont let me sign the paper to let her boyfriend adopt him, he dosen't care about me anymore, which is good, so now there is no, reason for me to exsist here, so i hope this will be my last attempt to leave this plane, and enter the blackness of the end, i found tools to get rid of this life, and a phone with internet, so i can do an entry, and say good bye misty
Hi loser37, you have managed to survive so long even since you last got in touch, which shows you can. I really hope you find the strength to continue fighting on, you just don't know what tomorrow will bring, and whatever you think of your Son not caring about you any more, in the years to come he will want to know about his real Father, and will have so many unanswered questions if you kill yourself. If your ex gives him her warped version of what happened and you are dead, then who is going to put the record straight?
Please live on, have hope, and remember, good things come to those who wait.
not in all cases that lie is not true, in some cases no matter life is and always against some no matter what one can do bad luck would still be better than anything, so i'm not even sure why i am still here and giving up is not in all cases the easy way out and i'm just not sure why i'm going on and the option will end all my pain of being here
The reason you are still here is because deep down you don't want to kill yourself, and you want someone to give you a good reason not to. If you really wanted to kill yourself you would have done it months ago, instead you are looking for help.
In most cases good things do come to those who wait, these things may be big or small, and although there will always be exceptions in people who are truly unlucky, the majority will find waiting it out pays off. However it is also true to say that to some degree we make our own luck, and our actions can help these things to happen.
I still find it hard to believe that there are no support groups, Churches or charities that can offer you help. Surely even the homeless shelter can put you in touch with alternative sources of help if they can't help you themselves!
oh..thats really sad..suicide is a not good thing..we should avoid it....GOD BLESS EVERY ONE!!!
Hi Kamran, I agree we should all avoid it, but it can be hard for people in the midst of chaos in their lives to think clearly, which is why I feel it is important to write hubs like this that talk from the 'I tried it, survived and am glad I did' perspective.
I love someone so deeply and she doesnt recognise it. She doesnt understand me I really want to die now
Hi 'Hurt by Love'
A broken heart is one of the most painful things we can go through in life, but it is never a good reason to commit suicide, even though at the time you might feel all hope is lost and life no longer has meaning. The fact is that if there was only one person on the planet who was right for us or who we would feel this much for, then the odds are we would never meet them, and most likely wouldn't even be in the same country as them. The reality is that there are thousands upon thousands of people out there that we are capable of having an amazing amount of passion and love for, and so far you have only met one of yours, and sadly she doesn't feel the same way, or at least not yet. This does not mean that next week, next month or next year you won't meet one of the 'others' and they will feel the same passion back for you. Be patient, most of us have loved and lost, or been on the end of unrequited love, but if we all committed suicide when that was the case, the human race would very quickly die out.
I wish you luck, and I promise you that you will find love again, but far better for you if it is with someone who feels the same love back again.
"Subject: no bullsh*t ... i need go leave this mortal coil
karen (******************)
has sent you this message.
(email address not verified)
I truly want to say goodnight - farewell ... WHY CAN'T I FIND THE SITE THAT WILL TAKE MY REQUEST SERIOUSLY
WISHING TO BE FREETOSLEEP"
**********
Hi Karen,
I know you emailed me the above message privately, and I did try to send you a reply but your mailbox is 'unavailable' so the message keeps on bouncing back to me. I have therefore posted my reply here in the hope you do check back in to this page. My response is below:
"Hi Karen
You don't say why you feel this way, but I don't doubt that you do feel it right now, and I do take all such statements 'seriously'. It is hard for me to give you a reason to live or think again if I don't know what has caused this feeling inside of you. What I do wonder is why you feel a need to find a site that 'will take you seriously', as it doesn't matter what other people think, whether they take you 'seriously' or not. The feelings and desires are your own, and the fact you found my article shows you were looking for something, quite possibly a reason not to die, or at least find someone or other people who would persuade you that dying was not the solution to your problems.
The only person keeping you going, and keeping you strong enough to live on, is you, and so far you must be doing better than you give yourself credit for as you are actively looking for sites, such as mine, in order to be 'taken seriously' for whatever reasons. Whatever has made you feel this way, I am sure will not be permanent and your life can improve if you give it time. Please keep fighting on, it will be worth it in the end, even if you find that hard to believe right now.
Good Luck
Cindy (mistyhorizon2003 on Hubpages)"
i wanna commit suicide
Hi vikaas k. mehra,
I strongly advise you to read this hub thoroughly AND all the comments before making any such drastic decisions. There is rarely any reason to commit suicide, and when things seems like they can't get any worse the only way left is up. Stay strong, I am sure your life will improve, whatever is causing you to feel this way right now.
Good Luck
Cindy, It must be a lot of pressure trying to help people see the truth that they have so much value, when they aren't in the frame of mind to see things clearly themselves. You have a real gift for helping others through this site, and I bet also in your face-to-face interactions. I was going to say you should become a therapist, but I think you already are one here! Keep up the good work!
That is such a lovely comment to receive e.s. I only hope I can save a few lives and that one day someone will come back to me and tell me how they are glad they listened as their life has now changed for the better.
Thank you
I am responsible for both my Father's and Mother's death. Now, that is a good reason to commit suicide. Good-bye!
You don't say how you were responsible TP, so it could be a classic case of inappropriate guilt at the death of your parents. You would be amazed how many people immediately find reasons to feel guilty the moment they lose any loved ones. Unless you physically murdered them, and then without any good reason to, I don't feel this is a good reason to commit suicide, and am sure they wouldn't want you to either.
What about people who have done something very wrong such as causing harm to others or committed a crime? Are they deserving of their lives when everyone around them has lost respect for them and when no decent person wants anything to do with them? Should they take their lives?
i have let down so many people and have disgraced myself. there is no way to make it up to them now. i have acted foolishly and i'm crying so much now and all i can think of is suicide. it's so tempting that all this nonsense in my life will disappear in a flash as if it had all been an illusion. i need to go, i really need to leave this place. i don't belong here and i'm sure others would agree - i'm only being a burden to everyone else.
Hi Lost,
Whatever a person has done wrong, if they genuinely regret their actions and know what they did was wrong, they should not resort to suicide. People in that situation have a wonderful opportunity to make up for past wrong doings, and there is always a way this can be achieved, either by making it up to those effected by their actions, or by making it up to everyone by being a better human being, e.g. charity work.
It is never too late to make a fresh start and earn back the respect you have lost in the past.
I tried to kill myself with a .22 callibre rifle and failed miserably.. I am now horribly disfigured and lets just say i dont function as well as i once did. now im stuck with that choice for the rest of my life, which i hope is very short. i plan to try pain killers next month when i have enough.. i have been saving 10-15 pills from my prescription every month. wish me luck
I cannot wish you luck tiller, and I am sure if you read all of the comments above you will know why I feel I cannot wish you luck. I will only wish you luck that your life improves before you take such drastic and final action.
hey misty !!! i have been through a realy rough patch and i am only 19 .. i got married at the age of 17 to the love of my life and till this day we are ment for eachother .. we have been through a tough time and nw in another country with his parents trying to sort out our life and make some money !!!! i think about suicide all the time .. but when i look at my husband or just knowing that im going to see my mum once again is what gets me through !!! life is hard yes but even tho i want to kill my self god speakes to me and lifts my spirits and and gives me hope !!! i no that we are going to be really successfull in life i guess we just have to go with the flow !!!!! thanks for your post misty xxx
Thank you light117, you are both still so very young, and I too went through the most horrendous financial hardships, often feeling completely without hope they would ever be resolved. I know exactly how awful it feels not to know how you are going to pay for your rent, your next meal etc. The debts spiralled to thousands of pounds, and it took years to pay them off, but with the exception of a few hundred pounds that I finish paying off in November, I am now debt free. It wasn't easy, but I am glad I battled on and saw it through. I am sure one day you will be the same, debt free and glad you didn't kill yourself, maybe by then with children of your own and a nice home.
I wish you all the best.
I'm suicidal. Bulimia. It's killing me. Please.. Make it stop. :(
I cannot make it stop Sarah, but there are help groups out there that can offer you the support you need, and your Doctor or a local hospital can point in the right direction. Suicide is not the answer! You have a problem that is curable and just needs you to believe you can recover with the correct support, (and many many people with the Bulimia have successfully beaten it. You can too).
Good Luck
I have died before. UNFORTUNATELY I came back and they installed a pacemaker in my chest at the age of 28 due to medical condition. GOD how I wish I hadnt came back! Dying like that was soo easy. Now im 30 with no friends, a busted 7 year relationship to reflect on, no money, and life in a fucking sinking economy. Barely have a job as a criminal defense paralegal. I really dont have a purpose. This life is hell. I wake up everyday asking myself WTF did I do in a previous life? I must have been a Nazi or something. If I had a painless sure fire method I would embrace the sweet peaceful slumber of death. I also pray every other day that someone or something will take me out. I really hate my existence. Other than a successful method I think the only thing thats stopping me is that I dont want to hurt my parents. Fucking contingencies. Its a catch 22. Its not fair, I tasted death and I want it again. Its soo peaceful.
I am glad you did survive Jeremy, mainly because you are still young at 30, and many of my best life experiences (including the relationship I am now happy in), came to me in my late 30's. If I had succeeded in ending it all when I tried to commit suicide at 17, I would have missed out on some of the best times that came later. I am not saying it was all plain sailing, but in spite of other rocky patches, overall things turned out good. This could be the case with you too if you just give it time.
I commend you for considering your parents feelings in this too, and hope your life will improve soon.
Thank you for sharing your story, my husband tried to commit suicide a few month ago, we have a 4 year old boy and he saw everything,l dnt know what the future hold for us coz l am scared he will try it again and this time l wont be home to save him.
I so hope your Husband reads this too Chocolatepie, and that it gives him hope and the courage to carry on.
Good Luck.
Thank you for sharing...
You are welcome R2D2.
hey misty. im really inspired by your story. im 13 and have not really seriously tried to commit suicide. i tried to slit my wrists a couple of times but it ended up just being a slight cut. mostly because i felt like no one in my family understood me or really deeply cared about me. i realized that they do love me, but still don't know me well, but i came to sort of accept that. no one still knows of me trying to commit suicide. once my mom saw the cut, but i just made an excuse out of it. i don't want my mom to know. she's very judgmental. right before i read your hub, i was planning on committing suicide. i know im too young, but i think about things people my age do not think about at all. Im admitting my attempts were mostly a cry for help. i felt like i needed love and support. my mom still does not support my dream. i went through a period of about 2 years hating myself and denying me for me because my mom did not support me at all and i felt like she wanted me to be someone else. she told me straight up that i don't have the looks or the talent to be a singer or actress and such. she told me straight up if that is the path i want to choose she will not be there to support me. my parents are divorced and my dad doesnt really care about "that" (the acting thing.) Ive wanted to be an actor since i was 3. my memories only go as far back as i was 3 years old. but that 2 year period was what ruined it. and now that ive come past that my mom now is skeptical about my honesty about it. i mean we stlll talk and spend time, but i secretly cry. my mom expects so much for me, i mean she got skeptical on a 2% drop of grade (from 98% to 96%). she had soo much ahead of her when she was young, but she made that one mistake that she is now getting back from, and im proud of her, but i feel like because of that, she's becoming too worried for me. after i read your hub i felt like suicide really isn't the right thing. my mom cares so much that she doesnt realize it's hurting me, but it's just her personality that is getting in the way from me telling her how i really feel. everyday i feel like i have to seem happy. when i told a friend of mine how i felt, he was really shocked because for the past 4 years i seemed like i was the perfect life type, but he didn't expect my problems with my whole family and parents and myself. thank you so much for helping me realize im still only very very young. i'll be honest, im still scared about how my life will be and scared of the world. im sorry for making this so long, and i hope it doesnt bother you that much.
sorry for this comment too, but i just think i have to say that i actually lived a different continent from my dad until i was 7 years old. ( i lived in the philippines, he lived here.) but my parents were still together. i had a wonderful life back home (philippines) and i felt depressed because i felt like when i got here, nothing productive or really wonderful happened. i mean, i was so excited about seeing my dad and mom together and me with them, but then after just a year of them together, i learned all about my dad cheating and all those horrible things that happened in their relationship, then i had to live thru seeing my mom crying everynight. after a year of that, they finally divorced.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences here Angel. Don't ever give up on your dreams, as if you really want something badly enough you can make it happen. Try to talk to your Mum and explain how you feel. Show her your post here if it helps. Even writing her a letter could be a good way of explaining just how sad you feel. Above all stay strong, your life is only just beginning, and who knows what sort of exciting future it may hold for you if you give it a chance.
Good Luck
thank you so much for answering :)...you are the best
Any time Angel, you know where I am if you want to 'talk'. I am sure you will make a great success of your life, just stay determined to achieve your dreams and your goals :)
Life isnt worth living my own familiy says theyd rather have me gone
If your family are saying that to you 'Life sucks ass' then it is time to move on and find some good people to be around. Remember the old expression 'You can't choose your family'. It is very true and worth remembering. You don't say why you feel life isn't worth living, or in what context your family said they would 'rather have you gone', (were they referring to your leaving them, or actually dying?). Did you, or have you, done something really bad that might make them feel so strongly about you?
Life is worth living, but only you can turn it around and make it a more positive experience. Keep trying, and prove to your family that you are a good person and either worth their love, or better than them!
Good Luck :)
Very inspirational.. i don't want to die, just want the pain to stop.My head is in torture. thank you for time.xx Tosilente tthe time to write to write this this. much ante
Thanks Kim, I hope sincerely things get better for you soon :)
Hello Fellowdepressedandsuicidalcutter, I have not shown your comment because I believe you are a dangerous person to those who are suicidal. Yes, my life did get better but you infer that I am assuming everyone else's will because mine did! It is very possible that in most people's cases their lives will get better whereas you are essentially assuming that condoning suicide is the way to go because their lives 'MIGHT' not get better. A bit of a crazy reason to end a life don't you think?????
You don't allow for how unpleasant certain ways are to die, and many who even try tablets (misguidedly thinking they will simply fall asleep), suffer horrendously, (another mistake on your part).
Regarding your comment on my 'strength' to survive that others might not have.... LOL, big time!!! I was not at all strong, in fact quite the opposite, very fed up with life and feeling it was totally pointless. I was not strong, someone moving suddenly around me made me flinch and I was totally naive when I tried to commit suicide.
It would appear if everyone followed your advice they would ALL kill themselves assuming there was no hope. Good job there are people like me out there who actually see the bigger picture and can offer sound advice, not the garbage you posted in your comment. You spoke a whole lot about what you had 'heard' about suicidal people, but nothing based on your own experience. Good job at least one out of the two of us writes from experience, and a really good job I can ensure your terrible and uninformed assumptions do not appear on this article at least.
I recommend you quietly go away and troll somewhere else, you are not a good person, and need to quite possibly assess your own usefulness to your fellow mankind!!!
thanks . Your story has given me hope . From past few years i have been contemplating suicide but never tried and probably won't not because of pain but because of sadness that my parents will feel . I feel sad seeing others successful in their lives only when they brag about themselves and make me feel small . I failed a professional course recently . although I know only a few pass that course , failing feels tense , makes me insecure about money and future . I dream of a peaceful life , playing guitar and owning a business , but pressure of expectations in my society seems to get better of me . I wish i coild ignore that
anyways thanks for the article . Made me feel better .
I am really glad this made you feel better sushant. I too get very insecure about life and money, and even now am currently stressed out by a rogue landlord trying to up our rent by £200 per month which is unfair and the property is not worth it, but finding somewhere else to rent that will allow our two cats and is affordable is proving really hard.
I really hope you can take that course again and pass it, as for all you know it may have been very close to a pass that you achieved. You are not a failure because you try to achieve things such as this course. The most important thing is that you keep trying and don't let life's pressures beat you.
Good Luck and stay strong.
I lost all my money gambling tonight. I no longer value my life, I want to commit suicide.
thank you for your reply .
I hope that you will also come out of your problems soon . You are doing all this for a good cause , i will pray for you .
Hi Matthew, money is replaceable and whilst it may feel very bleak right now, you can come back from this and start again. Look how many people in the world have no money anyway, yet they don't all start killing themselves. Currently you are no doubt feeling angry at yourself for gambling it away, (and that is okay), but learn a lesson from your mistake, and then work your way back again. Perhaps you could even use this experience to encourage others not to gamble and why!
Good Luck
Thank you Sushant, and keep on believing in yourself please :)
If loser37 is still out there, here's some Las Vegas resources that might help:
http://www.familypromiselv.com/
http://dhhs.nv.gov/SuicidePrevention.htm
If you or someone you know is
in crisis, please call:
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
September 10 is World Suicide Prevention day - http://www.iasp.info/wspd/index.php
1-877-885-HOPE (1-877-885-4673)
Nevada Suicide Prevention Hotline
OR
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
There's a lot of news stories about Las Vegas being the suicide capital of the world right now - i think the advice about getting out of the city and finding new opportunity is right on target.
Here's one more site with a lot of resources in Nevada.
Thanks Sharon, I really appreciate you sharing those links here, especially if they help to save lives :)
To be honest, I was thinking about suicide. But after reading your experience with this, I feel a little bit of hope. I'm really happy that you survive it all. I am a lot like you in many ways and I understand what your going through, well some of it. AND WOW that guy is a SCUMBAG. P.s i hope your future is better than your past. ;)
Thanks Anonymous, I am glad this has made a difference to your thoughts of suicide. My life is now better than it was in the past, and although I still get some pretty major cr*p thrown at me by life, the good times outweigh the bad, and I have survived enough now to be capable of dealing with most things. I never knew just how strong I could be though, it was only surviving time after time that made me get stronger. Every bad experience you survive makes you a bit tougher for the next time, but in between those times you will have some wonderful times that make it worthwhile dealing with the bad ones.
hi.
I lost my love coz of my mistakes. She loved me with all the passion and did all for me. But I did not give her the happiness that she wanted. I am Indian and she is iranian. I am financially broken and cannot provide nething that she wants and she feels I m not capable. I left my job my family everything for her and she left me. she left me in situation when I needed her the most. frankly I cant live without her. She wanted me to get married with her but I did not have nething to give her but still for her happiness I married and havent told my parents abt this. not she wants to get seperated and hates me more then even. I know I did not give her the happiness she wanted but she knew my situation. today I m so much helpless I have lost confidence in myself and really cannot even start a day properly. I controlled myself for almost a month and not look at her snaps, not call her. did nothing. but every day I miss her more then ever. I dunno how can I come out. when she left me I also wanted to commit suicide but I dun want to be so weak. so I saw ur comments on hub pages and felt a bit stronger. today I came know that she is with some1 else. our seperation is not even a month old and she is going out with some1 else. I never lived for myself and have absolutely forgotten to live for myself. I dunno what to do. I m feeling so week that I seriously went to drug mart and got isopopyl alchohol. felt like drinking full bottle and just lie down and wait for my end moment. but b4 that I wanted to post this and really want to get some thought in mind not do commit sin. I have lost all hope in GOD. please tell me what to do.
You need to be strong ankwoods. It is still only a month since you split up, and the pain you are feeling is still like an open wound that needs time to heal. Break ups in relationships can devastating to one or even both partners, but the wounds heal and as the weeks go on, (much like after a bereavement), the pain grows more bearable. It might take you some months to get to this stage, but you will. Use those months to sort your own life out and get yourself to being a strong and independent person who doesn't 'need' anyone else.
For what it is worth I feel she was not good enough for you. She has proven herself to be a selfish woman who uses men and then throws them away when she can't get what she wants out of them. You will probably look back in a few years and see that you had a narrow escape, and that splitting up with her was the best thing that could have happened to you. If it also makes you a stronger person and you end up in a better job and with a nice Wife, you could even say it is a good thing this happened to you.
Don't fall into the 'alcohol' trap. It never helps, and just makes you feel worse. Throw the bottle away, pick yourself up and go and prove to her and the world that you are a man that was too good for her and can do far better. Tell your family what has happened and that you realise you made a huge mistake. They will probably agree, and maybe even be angry, but they are your family, and no doubt they will support you if they see you are trying to put things right.
Good Luck for now and for your future.
sometimes it's a matter of having lived too much already - and death is not such a bad option.
Interesting statement gypsy, but I would ask, how can anyone say they have 'lived too much already', you don't know what is around the corner unless you can see the future! Also how can anyone say 'death is not such a bad option' if they have no knowledge of what their living future might have held, and additionally have no real knowledge of what will happen when they are dead?
Plz help me i might attempt suicide, the reason is that i feel gay inside and i feel like i won't make it to heaven plz help me.
I've never wanted to commit suicide until recently because people are playing with my life. They are blocking me from selling my computer when they have been stalking me online, they ruined my relationship, they ruined any dreams I had, and I see nothing better then giving them what they want. I hope I can build up to do it.
IMightSuicide, if you are 'gay' then there is nothing evil about it. Nature sometimes gives people different urges, maybe even she gets things wrong occasionally. Bottom line is that there is nothing wrong with you feeling or being gay. If you find a partner of the same sex as you who feels the same who has the right to tell you both you cannot be happy together?
Any loving God that exists will not judge you based on how He made you. If you are basically a good and and person, why should you not have a place in 'Heaven'.
Many have been where you are today, and no doubt felt the way you feel. Most of those will have come to terms with the fact they are gay, and hopefully in the majority of cases are living happy fulfilled lives with gay partners today.
This is definitely not a reason to consider suicide. Your true friends and family will not judge you, and nor will your God. Ignore anyone who says any different, they are bigots and their place in Heaven should be the one in doubt if anyones!
Hi 'Barrack', well I am struggling a little to understand what is going on based on your description. How can anyone 'Block' you from selling your computer? You don't elaborate as to how they wrecked your relationship or how they are stalking you online or how they ruined your dreams. I am guessing when I say it sounds as if you need to change the sites you visit, the email addresses you use, the Social Networking sites you are a member of and the username you use. If these people are 'urging you to commit suicide' then you need to go to the Police and get them involved. you are an individual, and should never let other individuals control your actions.
Please try to be strong and refuse to let anyone tell you that you need to take your life. If you let them convince you of this and you do it, then you would not be doing anything 'strong' but instead you would be allowing others to manipulate you. What about your family and real friends, can you not talk to them about this and get them involved in supporting you?
Forget 'what they want', what about what YOU want? Make that happen and poke one finger up at them metaphorically speaking. They can only win if you let them control you, so don't!
i read what happen to you that a bit s*it. i hate my life and would commit suicide but knowing my luck i would fail on killing myself like i fail on everythink in my life thats the only thing that stops me.
There is a potential life for you 'whatever86', you just need to be open to it happening and not give up. Please don't decide life is not worth living until you have given it at least 50 years or more, as you just don't know what life has in store for you, and in most cases you wouldn't want to miss it if you did!
I was feeling v.low and happened to come across your site, Misty I admire you for being able to talk so openly about your problems/ past experiences and your ways to overcome it. I am 28 years old, and I have a beautiful 4 year old son, I am a single mother and he is the reason I think twice before taking my own life. I took my first overdose at 18 years old, like yourself I think it was more a cry for help. I also had fallen for an older man , living in a small narrow minded town where people where so quick to judge I found myself in an abusive relatoinship with a man who was also engaged to somebody else (and had been for five years) of course i ended it when i found out but he left her, for me, i very stupidly took him back, and soon found myself nearly being admitted to a physciatric ward, his comments usually consisited of ' stop with the crocodile tears' etc. 2 years previous to that at 16 I had found out that my non existant father had raped and abused my older sister, I suffered from terrible nightmares, still do and to this day do not know if they are nightmares or blocked out memories that are trying to resurface. I still live in that small minded town. My dad had all charges against him dropped as my sister was also suicidal at bringing it all back up and that monster lives about ten minutes car journey away from me. I find it very difficult not to be consumed with anger or want to seek my revenge in some way but am constantly told by my family to 'not let it take over my life' I am also bulimic, and then found out that my own mother was found after taking an overdose of painkillers when I was just ten months old, my sister was five and it was my grandma that found her and told me when I was older, I don't know why she did, and again that feeling i felt towards my mother did i no way want my son to feel about me. Me and my mum do share a very close relationship now, it has took a long time to get there but it still hurts to think what might have been if she had have suceeded in taking her life, what mine and my sisters fate might have been if we were left in the care of my dad. He went on to re marry, I have a half sister I have never met whom was born with learning difficulties, after my sister had revealed her horrific past , my half sisters mother cam forward and through medical examinations (she was five years old at the time) they discovered that she too had been a victim. That is just some of the events of my life, My uncle commited suicide on my birthday when i was 22, last year another uncle had hung himself in his garage after returning from walking the dog, he even packed his sandwiches for work the next day! I have a family history of depression....I would write a book if only people would actually believe me! The majority of my closest friends do not know half of what has happened as I tend to be the one that listens rather than whinges and that can sometimes make it harder. I have been very succesful career wise, I have a beautiful home and in some respects feel that I have been fortunate but it is becoming increasingly more difficult to keep on top of things, especially when people see you as the outgoing go lucky person that you can easily hide behind.
Hi Kim, I hardly know what to say reading your story, and I DO believe you. What I will say is I am so very glad you have posted your story here, because you are living proof (far more than I could ever be), that people can go on and survive whatever life throws at us. I defy most people reading this to say their situation is worse, and that they have endured worse to the point they have a good reason to commit suicide. I commend you for battling on, determined not to let your experiences beat you, or cause you to let down your young son.
Stay strong, for both your 4 year old Son (make his life different and better than yours has been), and for yourself. It is your time to put your own negative experiences to good use, and you already have done by sharing them here and showing others that life can go on in spite of past horrors. Now use those experiences to give your son a wonderful life very different from yours, and teach him how to treat people differently to how you were treated.
Thanks again for sharing your inspiring story, and I too think you should write a book, start with an ebook if you like as they are easy and require no approval from a publisher, nor do they cost anything to publish :)
i think your stupid for even attempting suicide over a married and why would you go back to him after you knew he was married
i understand some people when they attempt suicide when they really have a hard life. uncontrolable stuff. but to try to kill yourself over your own stupidity learn from your mistakes dont trip bout little things like that.
Perhaps because at the time I was only 17 Mike, with a whole load of life experience to learn. I was also a very naive 17, and was easily lead and very insecure. The fact I wrote this article in the long run, and all the stuff that happened to me after throughout my life proves that I did 'learn from my own naivety and mistakes'. You seem fond of the word 'stupidity' and 'stupid', but neither of these apply to someone who makes a mistake or a bad choice when they are young and naive, with little life experience behind them. Perhaps it is more 'stupid' to assume that they should know better. Would you consider a 15 year old child groomed on the Internet by a pedophile to be 'stupid' too, certainly the law doesn't and treats those children as the victims. I was only 17, and with a maturity level that was less than most 15 year olds I ever knew!
Wow reading about the guilt the family would feel made me think do I really want to do that to my kids to my daughter that is only 15 ? But is so easy just to go to sleep and not feel .. lately I feel like there no other solution I'm going to read your post many times hope it helps .. Thank you and god bless
Thank you 'Worthless woman' (although I am sure you are not Worthless at all). The fact you know it would hurt your daughter and kids terribly, leaving them feeling incredibly guilty, proves you are far from 'worthless' and clearly to them you hold a great deal of worth. Always remind yourself of that when you are feeling so very hopeless and depressed that you consider committing suicide.
@ Mike, a small PS. When I got involved with the 'married man' again, and later in life, he was no longer married and was now divorced. He convinced me he was no longer the same kind of person he had been all those years earlier, and this appeared to be true, at least for the first few months of the relationship.
Wow, this is a great hub. I totally understand everything you were saying, as I went through something a bit similar.
I too got involved with an older man, who wasn't married.. but had a common law. I was 17 at the time, & within 6 months of meeting him, he committed suicide.
I was in love with him, & it hurt me so much, especially having such a wicked secret about him & not being able to openly grieve. The pain got so much worse over time & I tried to over dose on pills. Today, I am glad I survived. I'm now 19 but feel so much older. & maybe im still healing, its tough not knowing certain things... I've look at the entire situation in so many different perspectives. There is so much more I would like to express, but on a more person level, not on a comment board for the world to see...But its great to know i'm not the only one out there whose felt that pain of hopelessness, and emptiness, but still has seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like your a person who could understand a lot of things that others couldn't even comprehend that went on in my life. Thank you so much for this.
That must have been a horrible experience for you KaiRae, and I am glad you survived it and it clearly made you a stronger person. Perhaps what you went through will allow you to help others feeling the same hopelessness you did. Like they say, everything happens for a reason and some good may come out of your experience somehow. I am sure you will cope with anything life throws at you after that.
Thank you for this. You saved my life today.
Hi Poppy, that is wonderful to hear, and I hope things get better for you soon so you can truly look back and feel glad you took the decision to carry on. :)
hm... inspiring story yet at the same i know that not everyone is as sturdy as you. Not everyone -as a reason to live for, no family to care about your death, no friemds to say they'll miss you which is why they feel depressed in the first place. You could say"if you look hard enough, you'll see or find something good, but what if there isn't? I've struggled with this issue for awhile now and things never seem to look up at all, nothing but a downward slope.
I want to commit suicide. you didn't convince me. My blood is on your hands now. There is no one to cry for me and no one to tell me no. Everyone hates me and I hate myself. Goodbye life
My girlfriend (ex) tried to kill herself today...
I'm 15 also her
We broke up like since the first week of June but even though we still hangout like it never happened until one time we kissed and i told her we need to end it then the next day she almost jumped off the roof of the 4th floor of the school...
But someone stopped her and now i'm living life at school as the bad guy who made her commit suicide and I know that's what she wants to see me suffer cause she's done this way too many times before...
Life sucks in every way and i don't feel anything anymore...
Hi 'Thatguy', all I can say is that if you can't find anything good in your life to live for now, then you don't know what the future has in store for you that could be much better. Wait it out and good things will happen sooner or later. It took my a relative of mine (through marriage) about four years to get over feeling suicidal. He wouldn't even leave the house and had to be taken out of school because of it. Just recently he found a wonderful Social Worker/Counselor who has done wonders with him and he is going out and about all the time and is getting a life again. You just never know!!
Hi Dead Soon, well I wouldn't say your blood could ever be on my hands, as strange as it may seem it is not my job to talk you out of killing yourself and you are a person with free will.
You have to make a decision to live and see what else life has to offer you. Feeling sorry for yourself and making statements like 'Everyone hates me' is not going to help. Ask yourself why you think everyone hates you, what you may have done to create this situation and what you can do to turn it around. The worst thing you can do is throw your hands in the air and simply give up. Life can have some amazing times ahead for you if you just give it a chance. But remember the expression 'life is what you make it', well whilst that isn't always 100% true, you certainly do have an input and can improve it.
Good Luck.
Hi paostorm911, this is a common tactic used by desperate youngsters who have broken up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and want them back. What she is trying to do is force you to take her back through making you feel guilty and the fact you fear she will kill herself if you don't. It is so sad that she cannot see a relationship based on this emotional blackmail would never work, and she would wreck two lives if she forced this 'blackmail' based relationship to continue. You see neither her or you would end up fulfilled and neither of you would be with partners who truly loved each other.
My guess is that if you stick to being pleasant to her when it is unavoidable to be around her, but stay firm that you don't want a relationship with her, sooner or later she will move on to a new boy. The suicide incident will soon be old news at your school, so I really wouldn't let it bother you.
Sounds like you made a good decision splitting up with her from your description of her personality.
HELL YES... I'm just finding it hard to locate a firearm in Melbourne, any ideas/help?
I don't wanna live more... m Fed up..
I would never condone you finding a firearm to commit suicide with I am afraid, so cannot offer you advice.
Hi deepak, I hope you can get past feeling this way. Perhaps if you read all the comments that followed this article you might find something said somewhere gives you a will to live.
M not at all able to study, and used to feel like committing suicide, bt u have totally changed my mind and vision towards life. If I would have been at ur place I would have died on the 1st problem. But u r fantastic. VERY GOOD.........
Thanks so much Ayush. I am only the stronger person I am today as result of struggling through these experiences. When they all began I was a very naive and quiet girl who was incredibly insecure. If I could get through those experiences, anyone could, so I am sure you will survive too, and what's more, you will look back one day and be glad that you did :)
Thank you Mistyhorizon2003 for sharing your story. Life is hard for me right now and I have had some suicidal thoughts. It was very important for me to be reminded about what the aftermath of my suicide would be. I would never knowingly want to cause my family and friends that pain but sometimes I get so self absorbed that I forget what the aftermath would be. Also I logically know it will get better but it is still great to hear it.
I never considered before that my hard times might make me a stronger person in the future. This idea has given me some comfort.
Thanks again to you and the others who shared above in the comments section.
You are welcome Steve, I think many suicidal people feel like you do, and genuinely don't think of the pain and despair it would cause to those left behind. As you said too, 'logically it will get better', it is just toughing it out until that happens. The 'feel good' bit comes when you can talk to someone else feeling as you once did, and tell them how it did get better for you, and how they too should tough it out until it gets better for them as well.
Your experience now may well save another life in the future, and this gives your life a fabulous and fulfilling purpose.
I gotta know is it considered suicide to just climb up to a higher elevation. Up a mountain ans just sit next to a tree and wait for the snow to start to fall and just fall asleep?
Good question Terry, but why would you want to do that before 'your time'. It may be that what is to follow is not for you yet!
I cant think of a more clean and peaceful way of leaving the world. all other avenues and means of suicide are messy painful and leaves one last mess for others to clean up. I just drive as far as I can and then hike into the moubtains winter is coming on in California, find a nice spot talk with God and just wait to go to sleep and let nature and the cold do its thing. I have never thought so much about suicide in my life.
I ahve overcome job losses before, but I am at a point in my life where, I am to old for a young mans job and too young to work at McDonalds.
I am just tired, tired of life and everything that goes with it. I used to believe I was destined for better things, that they would come my way with hard work. I'm tired. I have read most of your posts and post from others i have looked at many web sites, Im tired.
As a Christian i believe that suicide is wrong but hiking into the mountains and just relaxing and letting the elements do there thing are about the easiest solution to my current lack of zest for life. I really do not know why I posted here.
i don't want you to talk me out of this or give me any cheerleader pep talks. I really believe it is just time to say good by cruel world and exit stage left.
I know it is not my time to die but sometimes you have to put things on fats forward to get to the end.
why am i even here on this post, this shows you how far I have sunk in my life. crap!
Who knows Terry, but I hope if you do begin this hike into the mountains you will look around you at all the amazing beauty and stunning examples of unspoilt nature, and it will make you think that you don't want to leave all that behind, and that for those things alone life is worth living. I don't know how old you are, but it sounds as if you have plenty of energy and strength left in you yet to even be capable of such a hike. Perhaps you should be hiking into the mountains more often, as truly that is a spiritual experience and a good place to go and reflect, ponder on life etc.
I wish you well and hope you at least receive some kind of spiritual revelation if you do head up into the mountains, and one which will convince you that it just isn't your time yet.
nice story and great to hear that you pulled through im in avery tough and depressed part of my life and think about suicide every day i nearly did it the other day i dont really want to die but feel its a way out of my mess of a life im 27 have 3 kids and am in debt to my eyeballs to drug dealers and loan sharks one of severalthings will happen to me very soon shot seriously injured or in jail i owe 50k and there is no way i can pay it back the pressure is sending me over the edge
Well Misty,
My girlfriend is throwing me out, I had been unemployed for the last two years. I finally got a job, it was 120mile round trip every day. I enjoyed it but resources dried up and my girlfriend who will brag she has an 800 creit score was either unable or unwilling to help me with gas, Even though she knew a paycheck was right around the corner. So now i have had to rely on relatives to help with gas to move to Nevada, so I can learn to be an over the road truck driver. I was trained and looking forward to working as a Pharmacy Technician. I guess God has other plans for me. when life gives you lemons make lemonade. You are doing a great thing here, I just wish my life had turned out the way i wanted,but!
Hi There 'in a lot of trouble'. Your situation is dire I can see, but for the sake of your children there has to a solution other than leaving them without a parent. Could you not literally go the Police and explain your situation. I know, it is grassing people up, but if they get rid of the problem and you can make a fresh start elsewhere, then your life can continue. It sounds as if the other option right now is no better. Even vanishing to another state in the night might be an option that does not include death and gives you a chance to get straight. I am not an expert on your options, (a relevant support group that you can talk to anonymously is your best bet for that), but I am pretty sure you are no use to your loan sharks or drug dealers dead, and as long as you make an effort to pay them off without letting the situation get any worse you are better off to the alive than dead.
I really hope you can find a way past this, even if it means grassing these people up and going in to witness protection. This is better than death.
Hi Terry, wow, your GF sounds like a nightmare and I reckon you are better off without her from what you say (think 'narrow escape'). At least your relatives are helping you out and you can earn money truck driving in Nevada. You could even go on and use your pharmacy qualification elsewhere, as surely it is not location dependent?
To be honest it sounds to me like you have a whole new chapter in your life about to begin, and you could be the one with the last laugh on your selfish ex-girlfriend. Please at least give this a try for a few months before you decide it is time to end it all. You are clearly clever and articulate, and life can have all sorts of adventures ahead with your skills. Not a 'pep talk' just my thoughts on your situation and prospects.
Good Luck :)
Hey this is the 5th time ive been thinking about suicide my classmates call me a life reject whatever I do doesn't make my parents happy and today they told me they won't talk to me now and my school marks are not up to the mark the teachers hate me almost everyone does ive cut myself n no of times its not that I dont want to live its that at the moment I don't know wat I can do to live my own brother thinks I'm a disgrace I have, no one to go to I think I have to kill myself its my habit of playing the guitar that has kept me going now even that doesn't help :'( and its like I'm shouted at every day I know my parents just want me to end up in a god college but I just can't stand every day of going through hell in my own houseI might even go with suicide!!!
In five or ten years from now school will be a distant memory that is no longer a big deal, and your classmates will not be a part of your life any more (they don't sound like very nice people to me anyway). I know that is hard to believe right now, but it is true. most of what you learn at school you never use in the real world anyway, and life skills and surviving what life throws at you will be of far more use to you in the long term.
This is your life, so if you want to play the guitar, join the army, get an apprenticeship and skip college altogether it is up to you.
Why don't you try talking to your parents about how you are feeling about your life right now. They will probably be shocked that you are feeling suicidal, and I would hope they will try to support you more and ease off the pressure. If you are worried they won't listen, then try putting it in a letter to them and let them have time to read and discuss it before responding.
Are there any counseling services provided at your school, or do you have any groups you could call that offer support to teenagers?
I have had lots of problems in my life too. I've always been there for someone else, never for myself. There is nothing for me now. My son has grown up. At work they make plans without me. I haven't the strength, physically, to enjoy things any more. I am tired and I know I've had enough now.
Hi Bubbles, perhaps you are feeling like you are no longer needed now your son has grown up and you feel excluded at work, but I am betting your son doesn't feel you are no longer needed, and he would be devastated if anything were to happen to you. Our purpose in life is not simply to 'be needed' anyway. We are meant to enjoy life too. Now it is time for you to relax and start doing things for you, not just for others. I know you say you haven't got the 'physical strength', but there are lots of ways to enjoy yourself that don't require this, be it reading, the Internet, hobbies etc. I really hope you find some happiness and don't let this feeling of 'having had enough' get you down.
Hey misty...i misty m a junior college student....last year I scored 93% marks bt nw I dnt kno wats happenin to me....my parents have a lot of expectations frm me bt I dnt think I wud come up to dem...I jst mentally disturbed.quitting seems to b d mst easy nd bst solution...:(
Hey mitsy m a junior college student...last year in my sac exams I scord 93% nd so my parents hav a lot many expectations frm me bt I dnt kno wats happenin to me now...m unable to cope up wid studies I dnt think I wud b livin upto deir expectation...!!nd hence I feel quitting is d mst easy nd bst solution fr me...:(
Sometime life is really hard....it gives no option...but the thing is u have to fight.....u should not surrender yourself to the hands of death....What will u do if u r in a drowing ship with heartful of desire to live?u fight till the last minute....right...imagine like dat...fight to live....may be this is a boring theory...but too much fact in it...if u r not convinced by any one of our words....COMMIT SUCIDE....EARTH IS ONLY FOR THE FITTEST....GOOD BYE WEEKERS....
Hi miss.nuts, I liked your comment right up to the part in capital letters. That part doesn't allow for any level of understanding of how the suicidal person feels right now, and does not allow for the fact that their situation and feelings may change given hope. I have cleared the comment to be shown purely based on the first half of it which I did agree with.
Hi Asjad/Loser1919, firstly I would urge you to speak to your parents about this as soon as possible. You could be pushing yourself too hard, even heading towards a breakdown because of the pressure. You could be suffering from depression as a result of the pressure. Try to speak to a school counselor, a trusted teacher or a telephone support line such as The Samaritans (or US equivalent). Personally I would try your parents first, and if you aren't comfortable talking to them about this try writing them a letter so they can read it and discuss it before coming to talk to you about it.
You need a break and the pressure to be drastically reduced for a while in order to give you time to relax and get your strength up again.
Good Luck
im searching google right now on a best way to commit suicide and i found this....im really having a lot of "financial" problems right now and i really cant help it...im already thinking of suicide as of this moment...i owe a lot of people money, money i used to feed my family, i thought that if i commit suicide, ( a suicide that will look like an accident) my family would get insurance money and there life would be better...
if anyone out there is rich enough to "lend a hand" to my family money after i die, please do so, i would really appreciate and will forever be grateful to you on my after life...email my wife at solorealty85@yahoo.com
bye.
Solo, this is so not the answer to your families problems, and I really hope you come back and read this before you do anything rash. Deaths made to look like suicide for insurance purposes are nearly always found out and the insurers do not pay out. You would just be leaving your family in a worse mess. Abandoning them when they need you most is a selfish thing to do. There must be a church group or a citizen's advice bureau you could turn to for help before you do anything so drastic. People are not going to read your comment and just blindly send money to your wife when for all they know this could be a scam.
Try speaking to the people or companies you owe money to and explain your situation and see if they will come to an arrangement with you on payments.
There is always another way, and whilst I am not a Christian, I do know often Church or Church groups can be very helpful if approached by people such as yourself.
For goodness sake, talk to your wife about how you are feeling right now, as two heads are better than one and she may have an idea you have not thought of. Do not abandon her and your family when she/they need you most.
well.. this is a real shame for me, saying good bye and still coming back, when i went to the highway and untied my shoes so i when i trip and got hit by a car it would look like an accident, i really couldn't do it....i was afraid and just couldn't do it..
@author
yes it may look somewhat a scam, but if people really think about it, how can i get ended up in this blog/post if i didn't think/search about suicide?
and for now, i really do need financial help, any amount would do, not for me, not for my wife but for my kids, search me up on Facebook and you'll see my lovely kids...
zatomira26@gmail.com is my fb account, well, its my wife's account, but we both use it..
Hi Solo,
Please take the advice I gave you in my last comment. Talk to your Wife, and don't even think about leaving her in the lurch by killing yourself. Also, imagine the emotional effect it would have had on the driver of the vehicle that hit you if you had done this! It wouldn't matter whether it was thought to be an accident or not to them, they would still be haunted by the memories for the rest of their lives.
Your situation is something solvable without suicide. Money is only money, and whilst we all need it, it should not be a reason to kill yourself when a great job could be just around the corner, or a financial windfall etc. Have you spoken to your relatives about getting help with your financial situation, have you tried getting a second job, can your wife get a job, or a second job?
There are always other options, you just have to find them. Do this for your family, and so you don't leave your children without a Father for the years ahead when they will need you to confide in and talk to. Who will physically protect them if you are gone. There is more to being a Father than simply bringing in money.
Hi I am twenty years old. My dad committed suicide a week after i turned sixteen and alcoholism just took my mother this past July 9th. I have two classes left at my college until i can transfer to a university. Let me tell you it would be a lot easier if my mom was here but since shes not my living has gone to a way i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Long story short i am at the lowest point in my life right now i havent eaten in 3 days not because i dont want to but because i cant afford food. By december my funds will have run out and i wont know what to do..i hate going to sleep at night because i dont want to wake up into the life i have. i see my friends that have at least one parent and they dont know that i dont even know how i will eat sometimes. I do cut myself but horizantily i have comptiplated killing myself but yesterday i actually asked a friend if he knew where to buy a gun on the streets for "recreational shooting" now thoughts have manifested into action.
Hi bjw1991, I am so sorry for your losses, it must be really hard for you with no parents to turn to, especially as right now the pain will still be really fresh.
It is hard to know what to suggest in situations this extreme. I have been in the position with no money for food before, and I lived on toast and butter for several weeks because bread was cheap and it made me feel full. In hindsight I guess I should have had other cheap stuff too, like rice and beans, but it never occurred to me. I would have been about your age, maybe plus a few years.
Have you any extended family who would help you out, or would your friends step in and let you stay with them, or offer you a meal here and there? Have you got any support groups within your college who can make suggestions?
Your parents would not want all your hard work to have gone to waste, and surely you would want them to look down on you with pride at your achievements. Trust me when I say you are so young, and you still have so much life to live ahead of you, you really have no idea. To shoot yourself, or otherwise kill yourself, would be a total waste of life, and you can still improve your life and do it for your parents sake. Life has many happier times ahead for you if you just give it a chance and help make it happen.
Good Luck, go make your parents proud :)
I wanted to commit suside but then i thought when i get older i want to join the miltary. Im only 13 pleas give me encourgment ------msg
Hey Secret, that is actually really good news. It shows you are making long term plans, and what better way to make your life have a purpose than to serve your country.
In many ways I wish I had suggested this as an option to some of the suicidal people here earlier, especially the ones who had money problems, no-where to live etc. This would not only have solved all of those problems, but also given them a purpose, training for skills they could well be able to use in later life as well, plus giving them a team of friends and the knowledge they are helping to make the world a better place.
You stick with your goals as you are young now and 13 is just a fraction of your life. You have so much more to experience and learn yet, and it is far too soon for you to think about things like suicide when you have barely even tasted what life has to offer yet.
Good Luck with your future plans. I am sure you will make a great soldier and make your parents very proud of you :)
Any advice for an 11 year old girl who has tried to commit suicide many of times infact at least 5 times in the last two days?
Hi Lexy, jeez, you are so young to be even thinking life isn't worth living. It is way too soon for you to write off your life when you have only been on the planet 11 years, a mere fraction of your life potential. To offer you solid advice I would need to know more about why you want to do this and what is so awful about your life that you don't want it to continue. Can you give me some more information?
"Hey Secret, that is actually really good news. It shows you are making long term plans, and what better way to make your life have a purpose than to serve your country."
Yeah, what a great idea, then you can come back to your good old family in a wheelchair with PTSD!
Just thinking of the people that kid is going to kill makes me want to end my life now. Yeah, I'm pro-choice, I should have the choice to end my life.
Firstly Suicidist, what makes you think joining the armed services won't help to save lives? Secondly what makes you think everyone who defends their country comes back in a wheelchair with PTSD? Thirdly, why does he have to kill anyone? He might end up as a mechanic, a chef, or an army doctor, medic or male nurse? You have jumped to a load of conclusions which seem to assume all army members kill people.... ! If there was no army all the other barmy nations might well come in and wipe your nation out with no real resistance, apparently you think this is the better option?? You might be 'pro-choice', but so am I, it is just that to make an 'informed choice' you need to be in possession of all the information/facts. Too many people here are kids with no life experience to make such a decision on, so you should think long and hard before suggesting they should just 'end their life' based on your situation right now.
As for your second comment, I have deleted it based on the fact it was encouraging people to kill themselves. To answer the question you asked in the comment about your suggested 'painless, regretless and peaceful' method of suicide and why that is a problem, well, what about the people left behind? That is a large part of the problem, and the potential of a wonderful life missed out on by someone who ended it before the really good experiences had a chance to arrive, (which they do tend to for the most part). You should think long and hard as to the consequences of your words before you let yourself loose on a keyboard in future. You could end up with a lot of unnecessary deaths on your hands, even if you are not aware of it!
I don't no who 2 talk 2 I don't have much family or friends, iam really low at the moment and not sure where 2 turn I just want this pain 2 stop. I have a little girl who is 18 months and she's amazing but where am feeling so low I am not being a proper mum and feel she would be better wid out me. Am preg now 18 weeks and I don't want it, my exe bf has cheated and really hurt me I just see no other way of getting rid of this pain and I don't think its ever going 2 go. After being brought up in childrens homes after the death of my dad iv never been really happy. I just want the pain 2 stop
This is sad to read unhappy, and you really should talk to your Doctor about this as it could largely be a kind of post natal depression or even hormonal (based on you being pregnant right now). You really can't trust your emotions during pregnancy. An expression I often hear said to people who are suicidal is 'Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem'. This is true, and if you were drowning no doubt you would do everything in your power to survive and fight for your life.
Just remember if you ended your life, then what would happen to your little girl, she could end up in a children's home too! You are also taking a decision for your unborn child if you kill yourself. Doesn't he or she deserve a chance at life?
Your ex sounds like the kind of man you are better off without, and the next one you meet will hopefully be much better. At least now you know what kind of man to avoid.
I urge you to first see your Doctor and tell him the emotions you are feeling, and secondly give life a chance. I don't know your age, but it sounds like you are still young, and life can have many exciting and happy times ahead for you if you just give it time. Your daughter and unborn baby need you to be strong for them, you are their protector now.
I wish you well.
@'Sucidist' who can't even spell 'Suicide'. Remember these words 'DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS', (of which you are clearly one with a very sick nature). Don't even bother posting back here again, your posts will remain ignored. You need to learn some lessons in life, and grow up. Right now your massive immaturity and lack of life's knowledge and experience is showing. Now toddle along and go TROLL somewhere else. Come back when you have a family member who you love that has killed themselves and left you in pain, or a girlfriend etc. Yes we all die, but you have no idea of the pain and anguish it causes people left behind when it is as a result of suicide!
Oh, and for the record, this is NOT 'silencing the messenger', this is 'gagging the troll'!
Hello my mother divorced my dad when after a long abusive,tormentful and agonizing marriage when I was 10, then she kicked my dad out the house when I was 12 and I have been struggling with agoraphobia(fear of people) all my life and have only left my house 4 times in the past 6 years.I just need some one to talk to. Please.
Hi Jynx, you know my Step Son has just spent pretty much the last five years of his life barely going out at all after suffering extreme depression when his Grandfather died and then his cat got killed on the roads, (he had even set a date for his own suicide). He was a young teenager when this happened, and only recently he found a counselor that worked for him, and at the age of 18 he is just now starting to go out on his own. Right now even going for a hair cut or heading to the shop, is a break through, but he is proof it can be done. He didn't even get his hair cut for a couple of years or more at one point, and was refusing to see or speak to anyone. He is now well and truly on the mend. Can I strongly suggest you seek counseling, and are open to this working. Don't give up, it worked for him, and he is now talking about coming to stay at our house overnight for the first time in 5 years, we are delighted. This could easily be your story too with the right counselor!
WOW!! This page is funny!! It read like life really makes a difference. Like people would really care! HA!! That's F'in laughable! I KNOW no one would care if I was road kill in fact my family would WELCOME IT! They all hate me and of course it's all my fault!! I am horrible, worthless, cold hateful being who deserves to die. Yup! That's me!! People would love for me to be gone! The sooner the better! Even my own children won't talk to me!! So that's proof I must be this horrible monster that needs to be destroyed!! I know exactly how I am going to do it too!! Painless and quick. Not even a debate over second thinking my position! It's just a matter of time now. Just waiting for the last trigger! Than I'm worm food!
Well you have got a point about the counseling.I even tried asking my mother about it last year and she just sat there in silence for 30 minutes not saying anything or responding in anyway what so ever until I finally left the room and she carried on like normal.Also I am terrified of what I'm going to do about my life in general because I dropped out of school when I was 9, I never went to high school and I have no GCSE's or any qualification what so ever(which is why my grammar, punctuating and/or spelling are so bad).I also have another reason for seeking help which is I seem to have a lot of trouble feeling emotion which yeah I know sounds really strange but it's true, like when my grandfather died I didn't even feel the slightest bit sad even though we were really close.For you see it's not depression nor sadness that makes me want to commit suicide, but rather a lack of a sense of life,for example people say if you put sadness into life you get a sad life and if you put happiness into life you get a happy life etc, but what if you're like me and everything just feels like nothing because I seem to have trouble feeling any form of emotion what so ever so then what do you do? put emptiness into life and get an empty life?
P.S thank you for taking the time for responding
you are an incredibly nice woman.
Hi Jynx,
I am not an expert, but you sound like counseling would be your best option, and with this in mind I think you should talk to your Mum again, but this time make sure she answers you and helps you get it. My Step Son's counselor goes to his home, so you might well find you don't have to go outside to visit them. It is possible anti-depressants could help you too, and you would certainly be inclined to feel more hope.
By the way your spelling is very good, so you have no worries there. It is also never too late to go back to school even night school, and take GCSE's. You are clearly articulate, so there is every chance you will secure a job based on your personality alone.
Good Luck
Hi Scott, I think you might be surprised that people would care if you do this, unless you have done something so terrible that you deserve the death penalty, which I doubt. I really urge you to talk to someone about this, maybe a parent (if they talk to you) or even a counselor. If your children won't talk to you it doesn't necessarily mean it is 'proof' you deserve to die, I can think of at least three different people I have known in my life that had their children refusing to talk to them (following marriage break ups). This situation went on for some years, but the children began talking them eventually.
Don't ever give up hope.
I am very grateful for your kindness mistyhorizon2003 and I am thinking of giving life one last chance because in the past I was a pretty decent drummer so I am trying to join a band if I can because I love music, and if that fails then I will try Pyrotechnician. I love fire and explosives :]
P.S I get the feeling you're going to need help if you listen to people complaining all the time so please don't let it overwhelm you. Sincerest thanks for taking to the time to reply
you really are the most wonderful person I've ever met(even if it is only on the internet)and I wish you all the best.
Hi Again Jynx,
That is wonderful news, and the fact you are already a good drummer and love music will open doors for you. You also have options to do apprenticeships and learn new skills that way. Pyrotechnics would be fascinating too. It is always a positive sign when a person starts to plan ahead.
Re your PS. Yes, it can get tough sometimes, and even I don't always know what to say, but know I need to say something. I guess it is my way of also being able to prove I did the right thing by not committing suicide, as this article has already saved lives that might not have been the case if it had not been here.
Thank you for your kind words, I am only a normal person really, just trying to help others in any way I can.
Good Luck and let me know how you get on with your plans.
If I become a famous rockstar I'll be sure to look you up :D or if not then it will have been nice to know some one cares before it ends. So for everything you have done and not just for me but every one else I would like to say
Thank you.
You are very welcome Jynx. Stay positive, you can change your life if you want something badly enough :)
missy im 13 years old and i get made fun of all the time ive had a lot of down falls in life and ive attemped suicide 17 times and was ready to try again until i came across your story and it made me look at the better things in life and i started to realize that i have so much that i want to do in my life and i have wanted to be a pedatric oncologist since i was 10 and theres so many things that i want to do that i havent got to do thanks so much for the inspiring story :)
You are so welcome Amanda, and I really wish you a wonderful future in your chosen career. You are far too young to have tried so many times to kill yourself, especially as right now you have barely tasted the very tip of life. You have some amazing adventures ahead of you, and you can do most of the things you want to in life if you try hard enough. It won't always be easy, and no doubt you will have tough times, times you cry like your heart will break and yet at other times you will be so happy that you feel like your heart will burst with joy, pride or many other emotions. Life is for living, so go out and live it to the full and get as much out of it as you can.
Be Happy :)
thank you thanks so much again and i showed my friend your story and she said that this really relates to her and that she needs to start thin king of her life diffrent so thank u so much u have helped save two lifes in one day
Today is getting better and better for all of us then Amanda. Trust me, both of you can, and no doubt will, have so much to live for ahead of you :)
My wife has left me. I have no access to my kids. I have no reason to live anymore. Life is not worth living without her. We have been together for 17 years since we were 16 yrs old. Over half my life. I don't know anything different. I don't want to move on. She want's nothing to do with me, and won't even communicate with me on any level. There is no reason to live now. I want my family back..... I have lost everything, my wife, kids, job, home, money, freedom (on house arrest) , I have nothing left. I am a burden on those who still care about me. I can see it in their eyes. I am going to counselling, seen a doctor and taking medication, tried a few but nothing takes away the pain I feel. Nothing can take away the pain but her. She doesn't want me so I don't want to live. I don't understand how it is possible to get over this. I have nothing to look forward to. Even if I eventually get access to my kids it will be limited and I won't get to be there and be the father I wanted to be. I would rather die then go through the pain of only seeing them every 2nd weekend or some bullshit custody arrangement. I would rather die then see my wife move on and be with another man. I would rather die then even contemplate a future without her. I have thought about it before but always had enough will to live to defeat the thoughts, but that will is gone now. I have nothing to look forward to but more pain, more dissapointment, more failure. She doesn't love me anymore, and her love was all I lived for. I cant bear this pain anymore.
I know right now you don't want to live, and for obvious reasons this has hit you really really hard. This is still so raw and fresh that it feels like you can never have a life again. The trouble is that you are reacting the way you are because not enough time has passed for you to be objective and think calmly.
You have been with her for a lot of years, but if she was the only person in this world you could feel this strongly for you probably would never have met her. For each and every one of us there has to be tens of thousands of ideal partners out there, otherwise most of us would never meet the person meant for us. When we are in long term relationships and they end, we all tend to believe we cannot cope with anyone other than that person. In a manner of speaking we have become 'institutionalized'. However, you will be amazed how many of those same people end up a year or two later happy and secure in a new relationship (trust me, I have been there).
You don't say why she won't communicate with you at all right now, but assuming you have done nothing wrong, then she may just be feeling too guilty to want to talk to you. By not talking to you she doesn't have to face up to the pain she has left you in. This should ease in time, especially if the children are asking to see you which is likely to happen.
Even if you did get her back right now, you would never be able to relax in case you lost her again. You would also know her depth of feelings was not the same as yours. Right now, depending on why she left, your best bet sounds to turn your life around, become a better person and give her a reason to WANT you back. Make her respect and admire you, and then she might just fall in love with you again. Even if this doesn't work, you will become stronger and attract women who admire these qualities.
People get through major break ups every day, and it is much like a bereavement, it takes time, but it really does get easier.
If you do get access back to your children then even once a fortnight is surely better than never, and never is what it will be if you commit suicide. What about people in the army or working on oil rigs for months at a time! They don't even get the luxury of once a fortnight most of the time.
Naturally you are at an incredibly low point in your life right now, and it hardly surprising you feel so depressed and hopeless. What I would suggest is you stick with the counseling and the medications right now, and start throwing your energies into turning your life around for the better. Promise yourself that you will become the person you really want to be and will make your children proud of you. Set yourself goals that you can achieve one step at a time. Think of your relationship a little bit like an addiction, the withdrawal stages from the addiction are horrible and often painful, but people do recover from addictions and live long happy and healthy lives.
I really do wish you luck and hope you find a way through this. Just take it one day at a time right now. Remember even if you don't get to see as much of your children was you want to now, they won't be children forever and one day you can have a proper relationship with them at the point they become young adults.
Thanks for the post Misty. I've been struggling with suicidal ideation now for almost a year. We emigrated to NZ to start a family but our 11 year relationship took a turn for the worse after we arrived; emigrating itself is a stressful process I've come to realize. We were engaged for the last 3 years. In the space of 3 months I was made redundant, seperated from my fiance, lost my home, my health deteriorated rapidly, started drinking heavily and was financially broke. I had lost everything and left with a suitcase in my hand. I was in total despair and have lost all sense of hope for the future.I ended up at the Salvation Army for a while and worked with Community Drug and Alcohol. I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and the prescription medication took it's toll on me. Zopiclone for insomnia, Seroquel for anxiety and Venlafaxine for depression. I've got no family here or any friends at all. I struggled with the losses, shattered dreams and the isolation and trying to handle it all on my own. I had nobody to turn to.......still don't. One night I snapped. I stopped my car alongside the road, took the jumper cables out of my boot, tied a noose, slung it over a tree branch and put it around my neck. I was just about to hang myself when out of nowhere these two guys jumped me and restrained me. I ended up in hospital for a few days. 7 months on and I still suffer from radical suicidal ideation. I have nothing to live for. Only thing that keeps me going is that my brother was brutally murdered not so long ago and we all suffered severely and still do. It would kill my elderly parents to lose another son...........but ther are days where I cannot bare to continue with this emotional pain I endure and I'm afraid I'm going to snap one day soon. I'm not coping very well at all.
You were so lucky those two guys came along and stopped you doing this. They gave you an opportunity to have another chance at life and to stop your parents completely being emotionally destroyed by the loss of two children. I totally see that you have been through a terrible time, and life has thrown a tonne of cr*p at you, but one thing I am always hopeful of is that once you hit rock bottom, the only way is up. Give it time and your life can change for the better, and your parents would be so much happier if they could see your life was returning to normality, especially if it means when their time comes they can die happy.
I know right now it feels really hopeless as I felt the same immediately after my Husband of 48 died so suddenly, leaving me in rented accommodation I could not afford, hundreds of miles away from my family, broke, and with his family treating me appallingly.
Honestly I could so easily have just thrown in the towel there and then as I couldn't see any way forward, yet here I am, 9 years later, re-married, living on the same island as my family, secure, earning money (albeit on a small scale) and his family are thankfully no-where in sight. Could I have predicted this would happen or I would get this far? No, not a chance, but it did because I gave life a go. I am not saying this was easy, and I had some really shitty experiences along the way to where I am now, but I am glad to still be here, and if you give life the same chance I am sure you can be too.
Good Luck and don't give up :)
* I should have said 10 years later as he died in November 2001 two weeks after being diagnosed with bowel Cancer.
I only found this blog because i was trying to search what loose ends i should tie before i commit suicide to make things easier for my parents i.e. bills/taxes/funeral arrangements. I'm 21 and so much has happened the past two years I definitely feel like I cannot cope any longer, but this blog has at least convinced me to at least wait a few hours and think things through properly. Thanks
I hope you do think long and hard Shastar. Suicide is truly a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and at 21 you have so many good things yet to come in life if you just give it a chance and enough time. The worst thing any parent can live through is the loss of a child, and this will devastate their lives if you go through with it.
Read through the comments section here, you will be stunned at what some people have been through and surviving.
Good Luck and stay strong. Life is not all bad stuff, plenty of good things happen in it too.
I can't handle all this crap at the same time anymore. Ousts to be really popular had a great circle of friends and now I feel like I have nothing. I love my gorgeous girlfriend dearly and wanted to start a family and have a happy life. I don't know what's wrong with me....I must be extremely weak or selfish because all I can think about is killing myself. I'm sitting in the bath right now as I post this comment with an extra sharpe knife. I've already wrote my note apologising to everyone who believed in me or relied on me. It will all be over soon, I read every conversation on hear in an attempt to put me off however it didn't. Hope u all find happiness where I couldn't!
Hi Steve,
I hope you think again before you do this. If you have a gorgeous girlfriend and wanted to start a family it sounds as if you have everything to live for. I can't see why you feel this way as you don't say anything bad has happened to you. How can you think you have nothing when in the next sentence you say you have a gorgeous girlfriend who you love dearly? Don't wreck her life by doing this. She will never forget the horror of having her boyfriend commit suicide. You should be talking to her about how low you feel and why, this will give her a chance to help you through this. It doesn't sound like you have sought any kind of help and it definitely sounds like you need to. You could be suffering from severe clinical depression which is treatable. In a few months you could feel you have everything to live for if you have got help for this.
Don't give up. Fight these feelings instead and start that family you wanted so badly.
Dec. 2, 2011/12:28 p.m./cst
Misty, this was, in all honesty, GREAT. Touching hub. Truthful to the point of hurting my heart. Great text and graphics. Voted UP, Useful, Awesome and Interesting. Personally, in the last few years, I have had my life change, realistically, not virtually, over night. In 2002, I was diagnosed with Accelerated Fibromyalgia...a muscular, neurological disease that attacks the nerves, muscles and bones and is incurable. Wow. What next? Also Neurothopy, where nerve endings are always on fire. Yes, incurable too. Prior to 2002, I was active. Outgoing. Healthy. Didnt know what the term, 'hospital stay' meant. But that being said. I now have to, for the rest of my life, get spinal injections in my spine every three months and take daily meds to combat this pain that is like an abcess tooth all inside my body. All the time. And since 2002, I have since GIVEN UP TOBACCO IN ALL FORMS--SMOKING, CHEWING, as well as Drinking of anything alcoholic-related. Wow, Kenneth, you sure have willpower, you say. And you are so wrong. With these two diseases, battling quitting nicotine, I did, in all honesty, entertain a few suicidal thoughts. I am not a perfect specimen of a man. Never claimed to be. I wondered what it was like 'over there.' But a small voice in my soul kept whispering, 'get tough. Get angry. Stand for YOU,' and this voice was NOT satan. I began to depart from the conventional prayer pattern for most Christians--telling God what He already knows how holy He is and such, and just got down to bare facts...I need YOUR help or I will come to you! And it wont be pretty! I recall yelling alone to myself one day. My body was shaking with nerves and nicotine withdrawals. Sweating profusely. Crying like a whipped baby. But still, I needed to go deeper, more angry into Jesus' bosum. I said, among many things, "you claim to be the Messiah...and healed so many. Well, look at me...I need healing of this satanic habit...and NOW...not on your timetable...but mine." Talk about desperate. Dark. I thought any minute lightning would hit me. But weeks and weeks later, I saw, and appreciated a side of Jesus that most preachers never see...a patient, enduring, all-wise and compassionate Jesus. Not your garden-variety religious icon. He was so loving. Tender and lent me His strength to replace my willpower in my battle against nicotine and suicidal thoughts. In time, I stood free from both. It felt wonderful. Still does. But in the wonderful, euphoric atmosphere, there is still a guarded reality that I am human. Prone to failure. If I try to walk this road on my own two feet. That is why Jesus lets me use His feet to walk. And even allows me to use His thoughts to think with. Willpower? Not hardly. Just plain, hard, bloody and angry faith that was put into action by a scared man. This I am sharing, worked for me. I dont know if you would want to be daring enough to use this method IF you are on the borderline of thinking about suicide, but what harm will it do for you to think about it? At least to that. Sincerely and Honestly, KENNETH AVERY, Hamilton, Alabama.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience Kenneth, I am sure you will inspire many with your words here. Hopefully you will save at least one life by having posted this, and hopefully the fact you have survived in spite of your pains and the ordeals you have to go through every few months with injections etc. With or without religion you must have an incredible inner strength to achieve this. I commend you.
Misty...you are most-welcome, my friend. Just one person. That's all I care about saving. And I was glad to share this on your hub. Kenneth
AA 50 year old women. Two degrees and industry credentials. I've been laid off from contract positions off an on for the last ten years (a career of percarious employment). Now once again, unemployed for over a year. Finally forced to declare ch. 13. I have been contacted for work many times, and as soon as the employer finds out about the bankruptcy I don't get the job. I've talked to lawyers, and they pointed to the law that does not in fact prohibit employers from discriminating due to bankruptcy (the new discrimination not protected by law).
I will soon lose my car, phone, and internet services (potentially bringing my job search to a halt). I'm staying with family temporarily, for the time being my car is housing my personal possessions. Losing my car means giving up my possessions, and I'm willing to do that if necessary. I have no emotional support; family and friends feel guilty because they are unable to understand my situation, so they resort to treating me like I have either done something wrong, or I'm not doing something right. My boyfriend after 6 years has even given up on me, because he knows I am contemplating ending my life. Losing him, was losing my only friend I had to talk to. I'm now starting to question my faith. Can someone tell me why I should not commit suicide?
Hi Lostallhope, I am sorry to hear about how awful your current situation is, and I can see why you feel so hopeless right now. Just remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Who knows if the next job you go for will be the one that don't mind about the bankruptcy and decide to give you a job anyway! For the time being you could always take a job below your skill levels just to keep money coming in, and meanwhile keep applying for jobs that are more suitable until you get one that IS ideal for you.
If your boyfriend is willing to walk away from you when you need him most you are probably better off without him. He should be standing by you and helping to support you emotionally and financially.
Have you tried registering with employment agencies and explaining your situation to them? You could also write a letter to any companies that you think could use skills like yours before they advertise they have any jobs going. I would advise complete honesty and explain about the bankruptcy and tell them you really want to work but need someone to give you a chance. You never know you might just get lucky and find a company that have not yet advertised and are willing to help you out.
In the meantime I would consider getting some professional counseling for how you are feeling. It is not surprising you feel miserable, but they make you look at your situation from a different angle and could even have suggestions of their own.
Why not consider a complete change of career too, that way it probably won't matter about a previous bankruptcy. I have been through bankruptcy myself many years back and I am still here to tell the tale and I didn't return to the same line of work, and in fact tried a number of different jobs afterwards. I never regretted it.
I really wish you well and hope you can find a way through this.
Good Luck
Misty
Thank you for your kind words and sincerity.
You are very welcome Lostallhope, I just hope it helped a little at least.
Sorry, you went through you hardships. Glad you pulled through. I can't say that I feel any better about my situation. Suicide is still the number one option on the table. Four kids, yes I care but how much degridation must I endure. I am 44 years old, in severe unrecoverable financial debt, alone... I have spent most of my last 26 adult years in a bed alone( even when married) my personal adds go unanwered and women do not flirt with me or pay me any attention. I want to be wanted. To matter. But to women I am absolutely worthless as a man. A eunic!!! I really don't want to hear any BS. Don't tell me that I should be happy about X or grateful for Y when I am considered a MAN by women. I've gone to shrinks, read books, done Scientology. I want to live, but as a man desired by a woman. Clearly I am useless in this regard. Humiliated. I like the drug overdose idea of your sancho's first wife. I am out of here!!!!!!!!!
Hi Misty,
I haven't read your story, but I just finished reading all the posts.
It seems that your hub is touching many people's life. Thank you very much for doing this!
My problem is nothing compared to what other people have been gone through.
Life is treating me so well, I have everything: family, friends, shelter, food... But I don;t feel like I deserve all this.
Only because of my classes I got really stressed and acted really stupid recently, and perhaps made many people upset including my parents.
I am a student who is doing her master degree. And I did pretty good job in my first 2 semesters (now I just left with 1 semester to go), but somehow I have no desire to study anymore: it's more of no matter how much I read, I just don't understand anything out of it.
I left with:
- Taking accounting and finance exam
- Writing my thesis
I wish someone can help me to write this thesis or give me their thesis so that I can copy. Because I can't do it :(
And I feel like I can NOT do anything at all....
I have a pretty successful history in career wise (I am 26 years old) but I feel like it was only based on luck...
I don't know I feel like I can not do it anymore, I feel like the person I used to be is just gone...
Well Jim, you have not really left me with many options as to what to say. The obvious would be you have children, so why would you put your own feelings of degradation first? You are also 44, so plenty of life left in you yet to meet someone. For goodness sake don't rely on personal ads, there are loads of far better ways to meet someone than this, e.g. joining sports clubs, taking up hobbies, night school classes etc. You will meet the woman who loves you and wants to be with you, but you can't decide when it will happen, you have to wait it out and/or make it happen through your own actions.
Put yourself into places where you will meet people, lots of people, because even if they aren't the ones for you, their friends might be. Meanwhile focus on your children, they must be your top priority and you cannot even consider ending your life if you have children whose life you will be damaging irrevocably in the process.
Life can get better just help make it happen by putting yourself in situations that might result in you meeting someone. Meanwhile, don't seem too 'desperate', as this will be obvious to a woman. Chill out, have fun, and wait for it to happen. Relationships rarely happen when you go looking for them, you need to be there and let them simply come to you.
Good Luck.
Hi 'Don't know what name I should give', not sure of an answer on this either. It sounds to me like you have overdone the studying and almost burnt yourself out. Perhaps your best bet is to pull out of study for a year and go back in a year's time and finish your exams. Perhaps a school counselor would be a good person to talk to about how you are feeling. Certainly at the moment I feel you need a break of some description as you could push yourself into a breakdown otherwise. I really don't think getting someone else to write your thesis is a good idea, and you would always feel guilty even if you found someone to do it for you. Talk to your family about this as well, and make them realise how frustrated you are feeling right now. You might even be suffering from depression caused by stress, and a Doctor could help you with this through anti-depressants if you go and speak to one.
Good Luck
Hello people thanks for showing me some of the pics who had sliced there arm up did that before and showing coffins I've been to more funerals that I can count :( I have just been raped and by my x boyfriend my kids father now I feel like committing suicide because it seems like this is never going to end for me... but I also don't want to do cause of how much I love my kids and granddaughter they are my full life I will die for them in a heartbeat... why do my heart and mind want to end my own life? is that normal?
I got committed to a hospital with suicidal people I didn't try to commit suicide but they thought my story ofyy life wasn't real my husband and I startedto go through a divorce and we did get one we both wanted to be together still but the families were trying to keep us apart my mom committed me when I got out my husband and I hot remarried two years later I know he is everything to me my mom says I m going to get committed again but im an adult with a job husband friends and a home I take care of my self and my family she can say what she wants but I'm proud of myself I lived through it and I'm better for it believe me I'm slot smarter now maybe people think differently ofe because I'm remarried to the same guy but I think it great to have my best friend my husband back and two years later we are still together my mom puts him down but I know he is a good man he saved me and I am grateful he did god works all things toward good for those who believe in him
Hi Mildred, I am so sorry for what you have just been through. I sincerely hope you have called the Police as there is no way you are doing your children any favours by not reporting their Father as a monster rapist. Right now you are bound to feel awful and probably blaming yourself and feeling worthless. You should not feel this way, you have been attacked, and need to make sure this is dealt with and you never have to go through this again. Don't let this man drive you to an action you don't deserve. You kind of summed it up in your comment: "I love my kids and granddaughter they are my full life I will die for them in a heartbeat", well if you feel that strongly about dying for them, then you should feel that strongly about living for them! What do you think they would choose?
Well done 'Today' I am so glad you have a good man in your life and feel strong and happy again. Keep up the good work and be happy :)
I am sorry everyone, but I really do need a break from answering these comments for now. It is emotionally exhausting, and I want you all to see that life can still be fabulous if you give it time, no matter how young or old you are. Please understand that I have not given up on any of you, I just can't offer helpful advice if I am emotionally exhausted myself. I urge you to at least read all of the comments here and see that there can be a great life ahead if you persevere and don't think what is happening right now, or what you are feeling right now, is all that you can hope for in life.
I hope to re-allow comments again in the future.
Stay strong and live long :)
PLM 3 years ago
Wow misty, you had some pretty traggic events in your life.
I agree, life is for living...
Permanent solution to a temporary problem is what I always said.